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| Name: | mark mulligan |
| E-mail address: | anyname@peaceworld.freeservers.com |
| Homepage URL: | http://peaceworld.freeservers.com/020TABLEOFCONTENTS.htm |
| Invitation to review, and link to (if applicable), my website
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She had inherited his depression as well, but while his served as a well deserved respite from his manic phase, hers was a deep abyss that was inescapable. So Rebecca had the mania and the depression, but was bereft of the benefits that grandpa had derived from it. The illness landed her in mental hospitals, emergency rooms, and doctors waiting offices. She longed for sanity. It escaped her at every turn. So she fought back. Rebecca tried to act normal, she tried to be happy. Each morning she would carefully apply makeup, dress fashionably, accessorize, and hope for the best. She tried to plan and map and scheme so that those impossible lows could be sidestepped. The television shows she watched were sitcoms. She tried to laugh. She tried to identify with people who were cheerful and blithe. The food she ate was healthy. Perhaps fruit, vegetables, and lean meats would lighten her mood. In an attempt to lift her mood she had her skin peeled regularly, colored her hair, and bought anything that helped her emerge from that dark cloud of sorrow and despair. Inevitably the sitcoms got irritating and inane, the makeup felt clownish, she became more depressed over the amount of clothing and jewelry she had accumulated, and her diet became monotonous and bland. One weekend, after a series of downward turns, the depression and sense of hopelessness hit her with all its might. There was no way out. Every plan, scheme, maneuver that had worked made the situation bleaker. The dark cloud became denser, denser, and denser. The very air seemed to evaporate and the oppressiveness became unbearable. With the last ounce of energy she could muster, she made one final plan. She would visit the grave of the man who had laid the seeds of her illness. Her dead grandfather, from whom she had inherited this curse, was to blame. Rebecca thought if she could confront his headstone once more, she would be free at last. Although she could hardly think straight, she purchased a plane ticket to Chicago. Rebecca boarded the plane and prayed. She prayed her strength would hold out long enough to survive the flight. In a stroke of twisted fate, a storm struck and the plane ride mirrored the turmoil and primal force of her swirling, thundering mind. The whole plane was engulfed in darkness. A true blessing. Outside her window she saw lightning, torrents of rain, blackness that matched hers. When the plane landed she felt strangely relieved of her depression. It was almost as if she as normal once more. For the first time in months she was herself again. She felt normal. She had energy. There was no second guessing of her every thought and move. The obsessive behavior and thoughts were mysteriously absent. In there place as the semblance of normalcy. Rebecca was suddenly capable of going about the business of living without that burden she had been carrying for 47 years. With a clear head she made plans. She would buy a beautiful wreath and go to see her grandfather. She would visit him free from the obsession, blame, and hate she had harbored for him. The grave site was situated in a cemetery ten miles from the Holiday Inn where she was staying. Rebecca took a taxi and instructed the driver to take her directly to the grave. As the cab approached the gate to the cemetery she felt calm and peaceful. Rebecca tipped the cabbie and closed the cab door. The grave was well maintained, manicured, mowed, and full of flowers. Suddenly Rebecca felt sleepy. Her tiredness had returned again. It occurred to her that if she just lay down on the grass for a minute she would feel refreshed. Rebecca curled up and began to breathe deeply. The peacefulness returned and the smell of the roses and jasmines that encircled her grandpa’s grave filled her senses. She heard birds singing above her and felt the sun beat on the crown of her head. Peace, peace, peace. The next morning the groundskeeper found her dead. She had died of an unidentified, strange illness which no doctor could identify. If you had asked Rebecca, she would have told you how her grandpa had come at the stroke of midnight and gently taken her with him. She would have told you how he had told her how sorry he was that she had inherited his illness. Rebecca would have told you that he had told her that he was sorry he had made her life so sad and hopeless. Putting her out of her misery was his way of making amends. Rebecca and her grandfather were together forever and were happy again. |
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| Isn't your doctrine, "the Questioning Way" simply a shameless replication of Sartresian existentialism, only you replace his terms abandonment, geworfenheit, anguish, nausea etc. with 'insignificance'? I could not read all of your essay so perhaps you cited Sartre or one of his predecessors as your influences. If not, it is obvious that this is a copy. Admittedly, I agree with the fundamental tenets of this doctrine but am unsure whether it is practicable as the overriding inherent need in humans for purpose is perhaps insurmountable. It is certainly a conundrum and one which is ultimately insoluble although I think it fair to try. Maybe it is time to do away with God but its hardly for us to say, it will doubtless come in an inexorable sweep of disillusionment in the aftermath of some mammoth war or in the slow usurpation of religion with media, cars and chocolate. I have been rambling rather and I'm sure these ideas are as poorly considered as yours - but that's just the nature of things, I suppose. | |
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