i think you're beautiful & special & wonderful. i want to
hug you & hold you & cry on you & let you cry on me & be
with you for a long, long time .

i love you is an understatement. all these love notes
won't ever be enough.. you just have to trust me when i
say that you're everything to me.

wrote you a letter the other night. i'll probably end up shoving it in with [....] and you'll get it that way. otherwise you would never get it.. because i'm so freaking lazy.

i didn't go to school today. it feels like friday and i don't want to go tomorrow either. i shouldn't have started this.. school wasn't that bad until i took a day off. and now i hate it even more than i did before. like you said before, let's just sit on our arses forever. we can make clint work for us.. *perverted thoughts* hum..

i was being all freaky last night.. freaking out.. crying/rocking back and forth/did that for hours.. before i was too tired to cry anymore. and then i read a book and went to sleep. if i ever, ever want to listen to a song to fit a depressing mood/i want to cry.. tell me to listen to "runnin' bear." my dad always used to sing it to his mum when he was little.. and it makes me cry. but i'm not going to think about it..

i'm listening to "someday we'll know" by new radicals. i wish i could find piano music to this, but it took me all day to even find guitar tabs.. i keep imagining me going up on stage at school with my guitar and saying, "well, this is a song that i had a crush of mine listen to one day on the bus when we were in elementary school. he didn't like it, but he didn't really hear what i wanted him to. i thought i was in love with him, because back then he was so sweet and seemed to care. now he's changed and i fear for the worst, but that's out of my hands now. to tell you the truth, it never was in my hands. i just liked to think so. jordan cherry, i'm hoping you'll recognize this song and listen to it for what it's worth."

it kind of makes me sad that the band split up because i love this band. i also can't stand hearing their name because of me&lia.. i was listening to them and told her and she said they sucked/blah&blah&blah.. so i argued with her.. then told her she was more important to me than a stupid band. and she said, "yeah, they are stupid." or something like that.. and i never fixed anything with giving into her. it makes me really sad to think of the way that friendship went down. i don't feel connected at all with her anymore.. except once a few weeks ago when i told her i loved her. i still do in ways.. i guess it just depends on what day you ask me. i'm such a horrible 'friend' for that reason..

i'm stuck with ptmbth.. i'm sorry. *needs your help* i always do this.. ugh. makes me feel worthless because i can't come up with my own damn ideas but now i'm writing with you and there are people who actually want to read what i write.. well, not me.. but we're writing it together and so if i take five years then so do you.. because everything i do now effects the story. so uh.. yeah. i'm jealous coz you have fans.. i'm not saying that to be negative or anything. i'm just saying. i wish i had fans like you do that actually give a rat's arse end if you update or not. *gestures toward sandra and marlen*

hum. i love you mta.. *hugs* mwa.. stay beautiful.

xx,
bee