Welcome to Dreambook, a nifty new free service from:
New Dream Network, Dreamhost, and Dreamservers!If you have a minute, please sign my Dreambook too!
| Name: | Jade |
| E-mail address: | jade@rogers.com |
| Comments: | Our partners : <a rel="dofollow" href="http://lafee.extra.hu/allegra/allegra-d.html">allegra d</a> is about allegra d... <a rel="dofollow" href="http://tettone.virtuale.org/ultram/ultram-cr.html">ultram cr</a> is about ultram cr... Great site, lotsa funny links and stuff. I enjoyed my stay and will come back again. You can visit my sites our site too. |
| Name: | i.p freely |
| E-mail address: | bairdy@fsmail.net |
| Your Joke: | Three blind men one english, one ittalian and a frenchman were at a window. the ittalian stuck his hand out the windown and claimed he was in italy cos he could feel the leaning tower of piza. the frenchman did likewise but claimed it was the eiffel tower. the englishman then stuck his hand out the window and claimed they were in salford but he couldn,t feel anything. when asked how he knew where he was he said "a little black bastard just stole my watch |
| Comments: | for those of you that dont know salford is a rank town |
| Name: | juy |
| E-mail address: | juy_51 |
| Your Joke: | who are you |
| Comments: | no |
| Name: | Dead Shot |
| E-mail address: | Whineanea@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | what do you call cheese that isnt yours?!
NACHO CHEESE! |
| Comments: | cracks me up every time! |
| Name: | bob |
| E-mail address: | bob@bob.bob |
| Your Joke: | your moms so fat the people she ate don't know that they're living inside a person.
Q. What did the cows udder say? A. Baaaaaaaaaaaa! |
| Comments: | some people call me crazy. I actually broke out of the mental asylum... MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| E-mail address: | BoboMyButt@whole.com |
| Your Joke: | This guy walks into a bar and says...
I'll have beer, please. |
| Comments: | HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| E-mail address: | BoboMyButt@whole.com |
| Your Joke: | These two guys are walking down the street when this chiken comes hurtling through the air at them
"Duck!" yells the first guy. "No," says the second guy, "it's a chicken." |
| Comments: | I made this one up all by myself :-) |
| Name: | bobcat |
| E-mail address: | bobcat_tkc@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | 20 Fun Things To Do With A Video Camera
1.Go to a concert and stand in line for the bathroom with your camera on.Tape everything up until you finally get into the bathroom. 2.Tape your relatives when they don't know the camera's on. 3.Put your camera under your desk at school or work and tape everything.You will see some varying feet.Some fast, some limp, some with sandals, etc. 4.Tape your dog drinking out of the toilet and show them later.Attempt to embarress them. 5.Make a documentary on your boyfriend or girlfriend and their strange customs/habits. 6.Tape stoners in thier clique. 7.Tape yourself talking to the greeter at Walmart.Make it a long conversation. 8.Tape yourself talking like someone getting "interviewed" on The Real World. 9.Tape your pets. 10.Make a movie using your stuffed animals.Preferably a Soap Opera. 11.Tape someone cooking.Make sure they don't know so that you can catch them picking their nose or something then touching the food. 12.Do all of the above. 13.Tape kids 3-13.Make sure they DO know that they're on the camera. 14.Then let the kids tape things on your camera.(even you!) 15.Tape a baby eating. 16.Tape your "exciting" shopping experience. 17.Tape someone napping. 18.Tape someone retarded. 19.Let the retarded person tape YOU. 20...and finally, TAPE THE APOCYLYPS [I can't spell that...] |
| Comments: | :D--I've tried all of these except for 20...sadly. Then I made all the footage a DVD and show it to people when the come over. It's better than a home-movie. |
| Name: | bobcat |
| E-mail address: | bobcat_tkc@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | 20 Fun Things To Do With A Video Camera
1.Go to a concert and stand in line for the bathroom with your camera on.Tape everything up until you finally get into the bathroom. 2.Tape your relatives when they don't know the camera's on. 3.Put your camera under your desk at school or work and tape everything.You will see some varying feet.Some fast, some limp, some with sandals, etc. 4.Tape your dog drinking out of the toilet and show them later.Attempt to embarress them. 5.Make a documentary on your boyfriend or girlfriend and their strange customs/habits. 6.Tape stoners in thier clique. 7.Tape yourself talking to the greeter at Walmart.Make it a long conversation. 8.Tape yourself talking like someone getting "interviewed" on The Real World. 9.Tape your pets. 10.Make a movie using your stuffed animals.Preferably a Soap Opera. 11.Tape someone cooking.Make sure they don't know so that you can catch them picking their nose or something then touching the food. 12.Do all of the above. 13.Tape kids 3-13.Make sure they DO know that they're on the camera. 14.Then let the kids tape things on your camera.(even you!) 15.Tape a baby eating. 16.Tape your "exciting" shopping experience. 17.Tape someone napping. 18.Tape someone retarded. 19.Let the retarded person tape YOU. 20...and finally, TAPE THE APOCYLYPS [I can't spell that...] 8. |
| Comments: | :D--I've tried all of these except for 20...sadly. Then I made all the footage a DVD and show it to people when the come over. It's better than a home-movie. |
| Name: | MUGUMAN |
| E-mail address: | MUGU@MAIL.COM |
| Your Joke: | MUGU MUGU KEEP OFFF000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 |
| Name: | dhgnopa8n |
| Your Joke: | i am so confused right now, i tried to sign your dream book, but you want another joke so I am gonna go old school..... look up, look down, turn arround.. owned |
| Comments: | yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay |
| Name: | NovaFlare |
| E-mail address: | what? |
| Your Joke: | hahaha, bacon tasts good because it doesn't have any legs............ya I just got through looking at your random page and boy are my arms tired....... I mean, my arms......of course can I get a laugh laugh.....haha. THe end |
| Comments: | si that even a joke or just stupid |
| Name: | fit |
| E-mail address: | fyg$g |
| Your Joke: | THIS IS THE BEST JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!!
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHSAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHJASJHSAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!that joke makes me laugh EVERY time! |
| Comments: | don't eat veil! |
| Name: | Princy Jain |
| E-mail address: | leo_jain_2@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | Gen XM
a four old kid asks his dad, 'daddy how r we born." Dad replies , 'an angel comes and drops the baby in one of the parents lap.' Astoinish and zapped this kid sighs... u mean fucking is useless. |
| Comments: | lemme check u'r site first |
| Name: | Keegan Beasley |
| E-mail address: | McKibbon13@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | One day a man gets a call from the hospital saying that his wife had been in a very bad accident and that he should come down to the hospital as soon as possible. When he gets down there a doctor runs up to him and tells him that his wife was in a very bad car accident that paralized her from the waist down.
The doctor tells him that from then on he will have to clean her, bathe her, dress her, and even take care of her when she goes to the bathroom. The man says,, "Oh my God this is horrible are you serious." The doctor replies, "No I'm just messing with you. Shes dead." |
| Comments: | My best joke ever. |
| Name: | Audrey |
| E-mail address: | yellowsky437@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | This guy walked into a bar carrying a small piano. He puts in on the bar and has a few drinks. When it comes time to pay up he says to the bartender, "I bet you I can show you the most amazing thing you ever saw."
"Okay, but I warn you, I've seen some weird stuff." The guy takes out a tiny stool, which he sits in front of the piano. He then reaches into a box, about a foot long, with tiny air-holes in it. He takes off the lid and inside is a tiny man, fast asleep. As the lid opens he wakes up. Instantly he jumps to the piano and plays a beautiful song! Then, as everyone in the bar is clapping, he jumps back into the box and closes the lid. "Wow!" The publican says, and wipes the slate clean. "If I give you another drink, could you do it again?" The guy agrees, and the man jumps out and plays another song, to thunderous applause. "I gotta ask, where did you get that?" "Well, a few months ago I was travelling across a desert, when I suddenly came across a glass bottle. I picked it up and rubbed it and lo and behold, out popped a Genie. For some reason it was talking on a cell phone." "'Genie,' I said to him, 'I have freed you, and in return I ask only three wishes.'" "'Huh?' The genie said, looking at me for the first time. 'Oh, OK, three, whatever.' He then started talking into the phone again." "'Genie, I would like a million bucks!' I said to him." "Did you get it?" "Not exactly. The genie kept talking into the phone and he waved one of his hands. Instantly, I was surrounded by a million ducks. Then they flew away." "What was your second wish?" "I said to him: 'I want to be the ruler the world!' the Genie was still talking into his phone, but he waved his free hand and a piece of wood appeared, with inches marked on it." "Oh, a ruler. It sounds like the genie wasn't paying much attention. Did you get your third wish?" "Let me put it like this: do you really think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?" |
| Comments: | ok, this isn't really MY joke...
credits for the idea go to www.lspace.org |
| Name: | Jen |
| E-mail address: | ohsurelynot@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | Wood
I like clouds, Clouds are good, They look like sheep, And not like wood |
| Comments: | not a joke really, just my best poem |
| Name: | Jen |
| E-mail address: | ohsurelynot@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | What's brown and sticky?
A stick |
| Name: | jokejam |
| Comments: | Nice Site
Other sites I like are: Viagra Drug Plenty of Choices - Cheap - no Prescription Required Drugs on line http://www.sittingsexy.com Bible study the American Standard Version of the Bible http://www.king-james-bible.netfirms.com Credit Card - Pick a Credit Card - Visa MasterCard Discover American Express Who drug you in here? http://www.paypit.com Cats enjoy the cat cartoons cat jokes fun Who Drug the cat with the hat? Cats and Cars Cat and Car http://www.catcar.com Jokes - enjoy the joke - jokejam is fun All kinds of jokes Who drug you in here? http://www.jokejam.com Bible study the King James Version of the Bible http://www.king-james-bible.netfirms.com Cheap Pharmacy No Prescription Do not need a Prescription - private - secure - Drug We have drugs http://www.drugs-now-no-Rx.netfirms.com Cheapest Pharmacy with Prescription Rock Bottom Price - Fax your Prescription - Drug Extremely Cheap - We have drugs http://www.drugs-now-with-rx.netfirms.com |
| Name: | OlgaP |
| E-mail address: | fretg@narod.ru |
| Comments: | <A href="http://www.biysk.ru/~alena/casino/"><b>As I beat casino.</b></A>.<br>
The notes russian mathematician, doctor of sciences.<br> It is written after 1.5 years of test the different strategies of game of roulette.<br> The Strategy allows to win in roulette with probability 90%.<br> Specially for on-line casino is designed the strategy (with use ruse, but without cheat), which NOT VENTURESOME, PATIENT and ATTENTIVE PLAYER allows to win with 100% probability.<br> Theoretically win are unlimited.<br> Practically possible win $80-$150 at day in one casino, not evoke a suspicion of administration. |
| Name: | rhonda |
| E-mail address: | mzmunypenny@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | A man goes up to a woman, he said " can i smell your FU**ing
C~nt?" She said (in a posh voice) " No u can't!!!!!" He said "it must be your F~#king FEET then". |
| Comments: | none, but its my favorite |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| E-mail address: | Where do I live? Damn. |
| Your Joke: | What's orange and red and lies in a ditch?
A wounded cheez-it. Why did the buffaloe roll down the hill and crash through the barn wall? Because it was dead. Why was the tomatoe red? Because it saw the salad dressing. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them? What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. |
| Comments: | Save the whales! Trade them in for valuable prizes! |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| E-mail address: | Squackle.com |
| Your Joke: | poop is so good
it is very good when you poop its a verb poop by itself is a noun its very strange that this poem doesn't even rhyme cuz this time i did rhyme a single solitary piece of poop looks very nasty alone but it stinks like poop cuz it is poop you step in poop there is poop on your shoe you are not happy when there is poo on your shoe oh, the wonders of poop! i wonder what they'll use poop to do next probably to eat it or probably to have a seat in it |
| Comments: | Squackle.com |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| E-mail address: | How do you get a blonde to laugh on Thursday?
Tell her a joke on Monday. |
| Your Joke: | Huh? I don't get it. Heyyyyy... That's pretty funny! |
| Name: | Peanutbutter |
| E-mail address: | alianora_skysong |
| Your Joke: | Question: What is the difference between a duck?
Answer: One leg is the same |
| Name: | Pheonix |
| E-mail address: | pheonixjanad2000@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | Blonde Alligator
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and, frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!" THIS SHOULD END ALL 3 BEARS STORIES: > >Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his >small chair at the table, he looks into his >small bowl. > >It is empty. "Who's been eating my >porridge?!!", he squeaks. > > >Papa Bear arrives at the big table and >sits in his big chair. He looks into his >big bowl, and it is also empty. > >"Who's been eating my Porridge"?!! he roars. > > >Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the >kitchen and yells, "For Christ's sake, how many times do we >have to go through this with you idiots? > >It was Momma Bear who got up first, > >It was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, > >It was Momma Bear who made the coffee, > >It was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put >everything away, > >It was Momma Bear who went out in the >cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, > >It was Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the >friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and >food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses >downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, >listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time. > > >"I HAVEN'T MADE THE FUCKING PORRIDGE YET!!!!!! >Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're >suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?" > Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer. > > "And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them >fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is that >true, mister lawyer?" > "Sure is Bubba" > > And the lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was given the hot >coffee that she had ordered?" > " 'Yep." > > "And the football player sued the university when he graduated and >still couldn't read?" > 'That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?" > > "Well, I was thinking! What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser >for all the ugly women I've slept with?" Sisters. >>> >>>A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he >>>notices a >>>sign out of the comer of his eye.....It reads: >>> >>>SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS >>>HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION >>>10 MILES >>> >>>He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on >>>without a >>>second thought......Soon he sees another sign, which says: >>> >>>SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS >>>HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION >>>5 MILES >>> >>>Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for >>>real....Then >>>he drives past a third sign saying: >>> >>>SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS >>>HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION >>>NEXT RIGHT >>> >>>His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the >>>drive....On the >>>far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign >>>next to >>>the door reading: >>> >>>SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS >>> >>>He climbs the steps and rings the bell....The door is answered by >>>a nun >>>in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my >>>son?"....He >>>answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested >>>in possibly >>>doing business."..... >>> >>>"Very well, my son. Please follow me." ....He is led through many >>>winding passages and is soon quite disoriented....The nun stops at >>>a >>>closed door and tells the man, Please knock on this >>>door"............. >>> >>>He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a >>>tin >>>cup answers the door.....This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in >>>the >>>cup,then go through the large wooden door at the end of this >>>hallway"....... >>> >>>He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns >>>cup..... >>> >>>He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling >>>it >>>shut behind him........ >>> >>>As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking >>>lot, >>>facing another small sign: >>> >>>GO IN PEACE. >>>YOU HAVE JUST BEEN >>>SCREWED BY THE >>>SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. >>>SERVES YOU RIGHT, >>>YOU SINNER. 51days a group of blondes go into a bar singing 51 days 51 days so the bartender thinks nothing of it. next day the same thing happens so the bartender asks why are you singing 51 days and the blondes reply because this puzzle says 6-8 years and we did it in 51 days. |
| Comments: | funny jokes.
i know it has a lot |
| Name: | Stacey |
| E-mail address: | staceNspace517@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | One day, a little boy asked his dad, "Is God a boy or a girl?" The father replied, "Both." Then the little boy asked, "Is God black or white?" The Dad answered, "Both." The little boy thought about this for a little while and then asked, "Is God Michael Jackson?" |
| Name: | Emily |
| E-mail address: | AngelFrog66@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
bc it was dead |
| Comments: | Everyone in the world thinks that joke is really stupid except me I think it's funny as hell. Not that hell is very funny, but you know what I mean. |
| Name: | jojo |
| Your Joke: | 2 muffins are sittin in an oven. one muffin turns to the other n goes " WOO IT SURE IS HOT IN HERE" n the other goes " OMG A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!!!!!!" |
| Comments: | hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe |
| Name: | Kyle |
| E-mail address: | kt_hockey7@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | A blonde walked into a bar witha pig tied to a piece of
string " where the hell did you pick up that dirty thing "? asked the bartender. " Won it in a raffle " said the pig..... |
| Comments: | sort but good hehe the bomb |
| Name: | Joe |
| E-mail address: | joebot8484@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | A couple has been married for a month and the wife have noticed that her husband farts allot. The wife tells her husband that one day he's going to fart so bad that his intestines will come out his ass hole. So one thanksgiving eve the wife is preparing the turkey and thinks it would be funny to put the intestines form the turkey in-between her husbands legs while he is taking a nap. A couple hours later he wakes up and goes to the kitchen yelling "Honey Honey you where right, I must have farted in my sleep and my intestines came out my ass, but god willing with these two fingers I got them right beck up in there. |
| Name: | Jessica |
| E-mail address: | jessica247365@cs.com |
| Your Joke: | what goes peck peck peck Boom!?
a chicken in a minefield! |
| Comments: | hehehe that's my favorite one! |
| Name: | BASIL |
| E-mail address: | Basil_M_noSpam_@212.com |
| Comments: | I liked very much your web site.
My offer will be changed by links. My site refers to <A href="http://cheap-iternational-phone-cards.com">cheap prepaid phone cards</A>. These cards allow to save money on telephone talks. My Email: Basil_M@212.com |
| Name: | The Amazing C |
| E-mail address: | red_zephyr@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
Its rated ARRRRRRRRR |
| Comments: | if you are anything like me you are eolling on the ground in laughter....but i just have a weird pirate obsession....dont ask |
| Name: | Your mom |
| Your Joke: | This little old lady always liked to bake muffins for her husband. So one day she was baking muffins and she put two of them in the cupboard when they were cool. The one muffin turns to the other and says, "Hey, how's it going?" And the other muffin says, "AHHHHH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!" |
| Comments: | You heard it here first folks. A classic. |
| Name: | your Mom |
| Your Joke: | Two siamese twins are joined at the butt. One farted and the other one blew up. |
| Comments: | MUHAHAHA |
| Name: | Your mom |
| Your Joke: | Q: What kind of bees make milk?
A: Boobies!! |
| Comments: | This might just be the funniest joke ever . . . ever . . .
|
| Name: | Erika |
| Your Joke: | These two men named Bob and Joe went bungee jumping one day. They had so much fun they decided to start their own bungee jumping buisness in Mexico. So they pooled their money together and got all the materials they needed--a bungee jumping chord etc. They had just finished building it when a crowd had started to gather. Joe decided he would test it out to make sure it would work properly, and to try and get some buisness. So Joe got all hooked up and everything and Bob let him go. He went down and everything seemed to be going ok, but when he came back up Bob noticed he had a few scrathes and bruises so he tried to catch Joe but he missed. The second time Joe came back up Bob noticed he was starting to bleed and had huge bruises everywhere so he tried to catch him again, but again, he missed. The third time Joe came back up he had broken some bones and was in really bad shape. Finally Bob managed to catch him and asked "What happened was the bungee chord too long?" "No," Joe replied, "it was the crowd. What the hell is a pinata?" |
| Name: | Laureine |
| E-mail address: | out_of_this_world2005@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | there are three guys working on a construction sight. one is sweddish, one is from india, and one is blonde. They are on the top of the builing they are working on eating their lunch. The sweddish guy says "if i get sweddish meatballs again tomorrow I'm jumping off the building." and the Indian guy says "if i get curry again I'm jumping with ya." and the blonde guy says "if i get a bologna sandwich again I'll jump too." SO the next day the sweddish guy get sweddish meatballs again so he jumps off and dies, and the indian guy gets curry so he jumps off and dies, the blonde guy get bologna so he jumps off and dies too. at the men's funerals all their wives are talking. "if only we knew we would have made womething different." said the wives of the sweddish and indian men. "I jsut don't understand..." said the blonde's wife "...he made his own lunch." |
| Comments: | man that joke is too long lol. o well hope ya like it. great site by the way...kept me interested all day! congrates |
| Name: | The Monkey |
| E-mail address: | Mysterious Joke legends have no e-mail adresses@Aol.com |
| Your Joke: | knock Knock!
Whos there? Boo! Boo who? Dont cry its only me |
| Comments: | I looooovvvvve this website
|
| Name: | The Monkey |
| E-mail address: | Mysterious Joke legends have no e-mail adresses@Aol.com |
| Your Joke: | TEACHER: Bobby, please come up here and show us where America is on the globe.
BOBBY: Here it is! TEACHER: Very Good! Now, class, who discovered Amereica? CLASS: Bobby did!!!!!!!!! |
| Comments: | Sorry i haven't written any jokes lately, but IIIIIIIMMMMM back!!!!! |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| Your Joke: | Yeah this one'll really piss you off
Te He |
| Comments: | You hate me know, don't ya |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| Your Joke: | I have a belly button...
|
| Comments: | Look what I can do! |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| Your Joke: | Poop tastes funny. Trust me, I would know. |
| Comments: | It feels funny, too... |
| Name: | Bobo the Clown |
| Your Joke: | One day there was a fish. One day the fish died. Then there was no more fish. End of story.
But then the fish came back to life, and everyone lived happily ever after. THE END |
| Comments: | Bananas have been clinicly proven to stimulate growth hormones in th right nostril. |
| Name: | The Monkey |
| Your Joke: | This isn't a joke, but i just want to say this site rocks. Great job to whoever made this site. :) :) :) |
| Name: | The Monkey |
| Your Joke: | A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the forest when she stumbled upon a magic lamp. she rubbed it and a genie came out. He said "i will grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, every blonde in the world will get double." The brunette agrees. She says "i wish for a billion dollars" Genie says "ok.. but every blonde in the world will get 2 billion. Brunette wishes for an incredibly handesome man. Genies says " Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men." brunette agrees. Genie says "You still have one more wish,but remember every blonde in the world will get double." Brunette says "ok. see that stick over there? I want you beat me half to death with it." :) |
| Comments: | I am a blonde, but i love blonde jokes! |
| Name: | The Monkey |
| Name: | The monkey |
| Your Joke: | A man walks into a bar. he says "ouch"
Get it? walks Into a bar? its lame, i know |
| Comments: | Sorry about the blank joke. it was an sccident. |
| Name: | The monkey |
| Your Joke: | What do you call a Hundred lawyers skydivingout of an airplane? Skeet. |
| Comments: | I have decided to become an internet Joke legacy. i know lots of jokes. |
| Name: | The monkey |
| Name: | mk |
| Your Joke: | Two peanuts were walking in the park. One was assaulted. |
| Comments: | Get it? Assaulted? A salted? Yeah, it's lame, I know. |
| Name: | Mrs McCheddar |
| E-mail address: | veeekeee@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | What kind of bee produces milk?
A BOOBEE |
| Comments: | I am so sorry |
| Name: | bitchy mc bitch |
| E-mail address: | y would i tell u? |
| Your Joke: | a blonde walks into a dildo shop and says i wanna buy a dildo to the clerk . the clerk asks her which one the blonde says that one ,the clerk said u sure? she said yes then she left ....... the owner comes in later and asks the clerk what did u sell today? the clerk says i sold about 7 dildos and your banna for $100 |
| Name: | Cooper |
| Your Joke: | Two guys walk into a bar but the third one ducks. |
| Comments: | HA! That was a good one... |
| Name: | SAV |
| E-mail address: | (see below) |
| Your Joke: | Heres another one:
Two bears were sitting in the bathtub. one asks the other "please pass the soap" the other then replies, "No. Salami!!" |
| Comments: | oh and yes, I know someone already shared this same type of joke (I mean besides me). And Nick, yes they are funny! I totally agree....maybe it IS the drug use... (just kidding, geez). |
| Name: | SAV |
| E-mail address: | Oxymorongyrl2@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | Two ping pong balls were sitting in the bath tub. One turns to the other and says, "please pass the soap" the other replies, "what do i look like?! a toaster?!" |
| Comments: | Hehehehe, cracks me up everytime...what do you mean, you don't get it? Idiot. |
| Name: | Eric DuPlor |
| E-mail address: | darkshadows86@msn.com |
| Your Joke: | 15 ways to tell if your friend is a redneck jedi!!!
1. He thinks Mos Eisley is a "Quiet Little Town." 2. He uses his Lightsabre to pick his teeth. 3. The number of blastes he owns exceeds his I.Q. 4. There's a Playboy Bunny on the side of his X - Wing. 5. He uses the phrase "May the Force be with y'all." 6. He thinks that stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets. 7. He Chews Bacca. 8. His Jedi robe is camoflauge coloured. 9. In his opinion, that Darth Vader fellow "just ain't right." 10. He has reffered to the Empire as "those damn Yankees." 11. His father said to him, "shoot, son, come over t' the Dark Side... it'll be a hoot!" 12. The Rancor refused to eat him. 13. His Master said one time, "My finger you will pull, hmm?" 14. He gave you a wedgie with the force once. 15. He thinks that the Force is a lot like duct tape - it has a light and a dark side and it holds the universe together. More, you say? Well, I say no!!!! |
| Comments: | I love star wars, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha, I love star wars, ha ha ha, let's get laughing |
| Name: | Anna again |
| E-mail address: | see below |
| Your Joke: | What did I do when I saw a 3000-year-old persian?
Iran. --- Can you handle another blonde joke? Well, there was a man who owned a small store and had two women working for him: a blonde and a brunette. Every day the man would show up for work and tell the brunette a ton of blonde jokes, and the blonde just got so sick of it that one day she finally said, "That's it! If you tell one more blonde joke, I'll quit!" Well, the guy didn't tell any more blonde jokes, but one day he was driving to work and saw a blonde out in the middle of a field, rowing a boat. He thought this was really funny, so when he got to work he told the brunette about it, and the blonde burst out, "I've had it! I quit!!" When she was driving home, she happened to drive past the field and saw the blonde in the boat, so she stopped her car and walked to the edge of the field and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim, I'd swim out there and kick your ass!" |
| Comments: | Could've said "kick your spleen," but... |
| Name: | Anna (thinks a moment)...the Amazing |
| E-mail address: | nailadepiuqses@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | Kind of old ones, I might be back later with better ones.
--- What's the circumference of a pumpkin? Pumpkin pi. --- Two atoms were walking down the street. One trips and falls, and his friend says, "Are you all right?" "Yeah, I'm fine" says the first atom. "Are you sure?" asks his friend. "Yeah, but I think I lost an electron." "Oh, well, that's okay, but you're SURE you're all right?" "Yeah, I'm positive!" --- And I know you have a different version of this joke already, but hey, this one's better: Last summer, the local band decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony. It being quite hot, the band members were working up quite a sweat until a neighbor let them use some fans from her house. However, the wind from these fans was causing the music to blow all over the place and the music stands to rock back and forth, so they tied the music to the stands and packed the stands in garbage cans. The din from the fans was so bad that the tubists decided it didn't matter if they downed a few drinks and got totally drunk. Two of the trumpeters passed out from the heat. One of the clarinetists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell... Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the basses were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, the stands were packed and the fans were roaring when one of the players slid home. |
| Comments: | I've got better ones. I'll be back.
I can't believe I'm the first person to submit a joke since 911! |
| Name: | ahmed alian |
| E-mail address: | gogo20000@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | one egyptian and one saudi(from saudi arabia) ...the saudi asked the egyptian : what do you egyptians take for breakfast ? the egyptian said : beans !,the saudi asked once again : and what do you have on lunch ? the egyptian repeated : beans !! , the saudi asked : and for dinner ?
the egyptian said again : beans ! so the saudi asked the egyptian : beans,beans,beans !!!, then what the defference between you and donkeys ? the egyptian answered : the red sea !!!! |
| Comments: | the red sea is in between egypt and saudi arabia !,and beans is a very famous egyptian food,all egyptian take it everyday . |
| Name: | ahmad alian |
| E-mail address: | gogo20000@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | a fool fish sanked and died !! |
| Comments: | try to feel the fish`tragedy !! |
| Name: | mike manhorcan |
| E-mail address: | chemicalcider@pissed.co.uk |
| Your Joke: | What did Krishnan Guru Murphy say to the contestant?
Its all no such money for you! |
| Comments: | oo oooo ooooo oo!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! |
| Name: | Tim Mac |
| E-mail address: | Timmac67@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his crotch and orders a beer. The bartender serves him his beer and asks the Pirate, "Hey buddy, What's with the steering wheel in your crotch?" The Pirate takes a sip of his ale and says to the Bartender, "Arrrrrrr..I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!" |
| Comments: | Huh? |
| Name: | Fawaz Anwar |
| E-mail address: | Reemfz@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | One time MY anoying cousin was in the dressing room. I put
Gum on my hand. When she came I shook her hand and the gum went on her hand. She got so mad she started chasing me.She said "I'm not going to leave you"! |
| Comments: | I think your band is cool. I like all
your songs especially "It happens every time. |
| Name: | Peter Bowles |
| E-mail address: | sob98pb@sheffield.ac.uk |
| Your Joke: | Oneday the Pope gets a call from the marketing director of
KFC. He says "we'll give you $1 million dollars if you change the words in the Bible to 'give us this day our daily chicken'" The Pope replies "oph no i can't possibly do that..." A few months pass and once again the Pope recieves a call from the marketing dfirector of KFC again. He says "look I;ve talked it over with our directors and we'll give you $10 million dollars if you change the words in the Bible to 'give us this day our daily chicken'" The Pope thinks for a second and says "oh no I can't possibly do that..." The marketing director goes away and talks to colonel saunders and decides to comeback with one final offer "Look Popey, I;ve talked ot the colonel himself and we'll give you $100 million dollars if you change the words in the bible to 'give us this day our daily chicken'" The Pope says "well thats fine with me... but I'll have to ok it with my cardinals first..." The next day the Pope calls an urgent meeting first thing. He says "I've got some good news and some bad news... the good news is that KFC are going to give us $100 million dollars... ... the bad news is we've lost the Hovis contract..." |
| Name: | Chris Daye |
| E-mail address: | chris_daye@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | An old man goes into a bar, sit's, looks arounds and ask's the bartender when things start to liven up around here. The bartender sais around 11:30. So the old man sais "ok" has a couple beer, waits a while,then he asks the bartender when the place is gonna liven up some more, the bartender replies " around 12:00 so the old man sais ok has a few beer and waits. when 12:00 arives the old man sais to the bartender give me 3 beer then ill head out. The when he's all done he get's up turns takes one step fall's on his face. He sais to himself "ok ill crawl to the door, so he crawls to the door gets up opens the bar door closes it behind him takes one step falls flat on his face so he sais to himself " i'll crawl home its just down the block., so he gets to his house gets up closes the door behind him and falls flat on his face again so he sais to himsself " i'll crawl to my bed. Then when he waikes up in the morning his wife sais were you drinking again last night? The old man sais no my wife I was not" then the wife sais, the bartender called you forgot your wheel chair again!. |
| Comments: | Love thhese jokes keep up the good work! |
| Name: | Stephanie |
| E-mail address: | lionheart2911@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | Say this one aloud.
Person Y: "How do you get a cow into a car?" Person X: "I dunno, how do you get a cow into a car?" Person Y: "Take the C out of 'car' and the F out of 'way'." Person X: "But there is no F in 'way'." Person Y: "Yeah, I guess you're right." |
| Comments: | This joke seems to separate the stupid people from the smart ones: the stupid people tend to understand this joke right away, while the smart ones tend to have to think about it for a second. Weird, huh? |
| Name: | joe momma |
| E-mail address: | maymay2u@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | what simular between an apple and a black person?
They both look good hanging from a tree. (you like this joke amanda) |
| Name: | Da Mitey Chikken Bog |
| E-mail address: | chikkenbog@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless. |
| Name: | Da Mitey Evol Chikken Bog |
| E-mail address: | chikkenbog@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | What's the difference between a musician and a stock certificate?
A stock certificate eventually matures and makes money. |
| Comments: | I just found this site today (May 30, 2001), so I don't know when the last time you've even updated it. It's funny as hell. Keep it up! Too bad the contest is over, cuz I really wanted to meet Jim Duggan.
still immature, but with a day job, Da Bog |
| Name: | assMaster |
| E-mail address: | ivanrauh@home.com |
| Your Joke: | ok ok.....here's another one
A teenager named Igor had just come to Canada, not knowin how to speak the language. One day, in his new school, his teacher told her class that after they return from their week-end, they will have to talk about what they have learned. So....Igor decided to go to a bar and have a drink...as he was drinking, a fight broke out and people startes cussing and swearing....Igor decided to leave....and being drunk as he was.....all Igor could remember was people saying "F@#% YOU!" Later.....Igor decided to see a movie about Superman. After the movie, he went home. He told his parents of the fight and they dicided to teach him some polite sayings so that he wouldn't get into trouble with people, but......all Igor could remember was "Ladys First" So the next day at school, his teacher came to him and asked what he learned over the weekend. Igor thought hard and all he could say was "F#$% you!" The teacher frowned at him and said "Who do you think you are?" Igor nervously said "Superman" At this point, the teacher was annoyed, she raised her voive and said "That's it! you are going to the office young man!" Igor, feeling the hostility, rememberd what his parents thought him about being polite to other people. So Igor said with a smile "Ladys First" |
| Comments: | I made it up myself =)
|
| Name: | assMaster |
| E-mail address: | ivanrauh@home.com |
| Name: | AssMaster |
| E-mail address: | ivanrauh@home.com |
| Your Joke: | Two blonds are walking in a park together.
One says to the other "oh my god, look ther's a dead bird" The other one looks up and replys "where?" |
| Comments: | =) |
| Name: | JIM BRICTSON |
| E-mail address: | SAVOYTRUFFEL@YAHOO.COM |
| Your Joke: | WHAT DOES EATING PUSSY AND BEING A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA HAVE
IN COMMON? ONE SLIP OF THE LIP AND YOU'RE IN DEEP SHIT. |
| Name: | Candace Rongey |
| E-mail address: | c_rongey@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | A man walks into the therapist's office wearing ONLY
celaphane (plastic wrap). The therapist says to the man, "I can clearly see your nuts!" |
| Comments: | Sorry |
| Name: | Nick |
| E-mail address: | thecow24@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | What's the difference between an orange? The more you rub
it, it gets! Two bunnies were in the bathtub. One said "Could you pass the soap?" The other said "There's no soap. And there's no radio either!" One day, there were three sheep, a pretty sheep, a not so pretty sheep, and a really really ugly sheep. The farmer walked up to the really really ugly sheep and said "Man, you're the ugliest sheep I've ever seen." And the sheep said "I'm not ugly, you're ugly!" Ha! |
| Comments: | I doubt anyone will appreciate these
jokes. I suppose it takes a certain type of person and frankly, some serious drug use. |
| Name: | Christina |
| E-mail address: | chrispuff@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | A piece of bacon and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender
says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here" What's Bush's fav. city in Texas? Kilgore Not a joke, but a question: If you eat your hand, do you gain or lose weight? SERIOUSLY! What happens? This guy meets this really hot gil in a bar. They hit it off, and she takes him to her place. They start foolin around when a car pulls into the drive way. "That's my boyfirend" she crys and he runs into the bathroom. Her boyfriend comes in and says "Why are you naked?" She says "I...um...I heard your car pull in so i thought I'd be ready for you" "No, I don't believe you" He said and then he opened the door to the bathroom. There, he saw a strange man standing butt-naked. "Who are you and why are you in my bathroom" he asked. "I'm an exterminator. Your girlfriend called me to get rid of some moths." "Then why are you naked" The other guy looked down, and with an angry look in his eyes said "Those bastards" |
| Comments: | I kno it's way past the due date, but I
reallu like these jokes |
| Name: | OJ Simpson |
| E-mail address: | cell # 256 |
| Your Joke: | I'm gonna kick your ass
YOU DUMB xxxx |
| Comments: | Hey Dumb "ASS"
go XXXX your self DICKHEAD! |
| Name: | MONSTER FROM HELL |
| E-mail address: | suck my dick |
| Your Joke: | a stupid gay ass faget
walks out his dore and says, "who should I anoy today"? answer HELL, I'll just masterbate my brains out in my basment again.....oooooooooooooooo! |
| Comments: | I'm stalking you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Name: | MONSTER FROM HELL + friends |
| E-mail address: | nun-ya, nun-ya business |
| Your Joke: |
HEY JOHN, YOU SUCK |
| Comments: |
WATCH SATURDAT-NIGHT LIVE |
| Name: | MONSTER FROM HELL |
| Your Joke: | why did the frog cross the road,
because he was stappled to the chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA! HA! HA! |
| Comments: | it's
guess what?, chicken butt guess who?, chicken poo guess why?, chicken thigh guess how?, chicken cow YOU DUMB XXXX |
| Name: | Ronald Watson |
| E-mail address: | ronald_w_2@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | I love brittany coon and we fell dipply in love |
| Name: | dixiechic |
| E-mail address: | dixiechic69_2001@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | its probably been heard before but this mushroom walks in a
bar and sits down and the bartender says i like serving you and the mushroom says why and bartender says because your a " FUNGI". NOT GOOD ALL I GOT RIGHT NOW |
| Comments: | THIS A COOL SITE. |
| Name: | Sally Villarreal |
| E-mail address: | sally.i.villarreal-1@ou.edu |
| Your Joke: | What's the difference between a soprano and a seamtress?
A seamtress tucks up the frills... What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat? A goldfish mucks around a fountain... What's the difference between an epilleptic clam shucker and a prostitue with diaherria? The epilleptic shucks between fits... What's the difference between a smart midget and a atheletic hooker? The midget ius a cunning runt... |
| Comments: | Please pick me!!! I want to be in
mister John's adventure!!! www.sallyvillarreal.homestead.com |
| Name: | brad |
| E-mail address: | funkmunk314 |
| Your Joke: | what intrument does a dentist play?
a toob-a tooth-plast |
| Name: | sofa king |
| E-mail address: | brianpokemon@go.com |
| Your Joke: | a husband and a wife desided after their 9th child, they
desided to do something. so they went to the doctor to do something. the doctors started to talk about a vassectamy,when he noticed they were from alabama. he says," Take a cherry bomb, put it in a beer can, hold it to your ear, and count to 10." the husband and wife think it sounds stupid, so they get another opinion, but they get the same results. Thinking 2 doctors cant be wrong, he tries it. he puts the cherry bomb in the beer can, holds it to his ear, and counts to 10. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," when the man stops, puts the beer can between his legs, and continued counting on the other hand. |
| Name: | Lizard Queen |
| E-mail address: | hecate_24@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | A preist, a rabbi, and a Pagan preistess are in a boat,
fishing. After a while, the Pagan preistess has to go to the bathroom, so she gets up and walks across the water to where the bathroom is. After a while, she comes back, walks across the water, and gets back in the boat like nothing ever happened. So, the preist is a little freaked out by this. He's thinking to himself, "did I just see that preistess walk across the water? I mean, you can't DO that! And it's not as if she has God on her side or something!" He goes back to fishing, a bit confused. A while later, the rabbi has to go. So he gets up, walks across the water to the bathroom, and walks back across the water a few minutes later. Now the preist is getting real confused by now. "Both of them just walked across the water! They did the impossible! And, they're heathens! Now, that's just not right!" The preist is extremely puzzled now, but he goes back to fishing, ponderign this. But, in a few minutes, the preist has to go. "Well, if they can walk across the water, so can I!" The preist says to himself. "Those unenlightened ones just did it easily enough. And He's on my side! I can do this, all the odds are in my favor!" So the preist gets up, gets out of the boat, and sinks like a stone. The rabbi looks over the edge and says, "gee, you think we should have told him about the rocks?" And the pagan preistess replies, "what rocks?" |
| Comments: | It's not really MY joke... my friend's
older brother heard it from someone named Isis at his art camp... but it's my favorite joke, and I just had to put it on here... great page, by the way. |
| Name: | Shaun Orbin |
| E-mail address: | Bangingcock@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | Two blondes were walking in the forest when they saw a set
of tracks on the ground. "Those are bear tracks!" said the first. "No, those are lion tracks!" argued the other. As they fought a train came and ran them over. |
| Name: | Cayenne Piper |
| E-mail address: | Janet_Majors_@webtv.net |
| Your Joke: | Ok... hmmm... This lady and her husband really loved each other so for their one year anniversary the ambitious young girl decides to show her love for her husband by getting his name tattooed on her ass. So she goes in to see the tattoo artist and he askes her, "What is your husband's name?" And to that she replied, "Brandon Barlovskynov." Well, the tattoo artist tells the woman that the name is far too long so he suggests maybe to write the man's initials. The woman consents and the tattoo artist carefully puts a "B" on each cheek. The woman was just thrilled to pieces about the new gift and rushed home to show her husband. As soon as she got home she told him what she had done. The husband was pleasantly surprised and asked to see the new tattoo. So with that, the woman takes off her pants, bends over, and shows him and to that he replies, "That's nice honey, but who's Bob?"
: ) |
| Comments: | Soylant green is people, the freaks come out at midnight, and your page is spifferific! Wanna see mine? Sure you do! http://home.talkcity.com/BookmarkBlvd/aeon_flux_/index.html
Hehe.... cheap publicity : ) |
| Name: | Cayenne Piper |
| E-mail address: | Janet_Majors_@webtv.net |
| Your Joke: | Ok... hmmm... This lady and her husband really loved each other so for their one year anniversary the ambitious young girl decides to show her love for her husband by getting his name tattooed on her ass. So she goes in to see the tattoo artist and he askes her, "What is your husband's name?" And to that she replied, "Brandon Barlovskynov." Well, the tattoo artist tells the woman that the name is far too long so he suggests maybe to write the man's initials. The woman consents and the tattoo artist carefully puts a "B" on each cheek. The woman was just thrilled to pieces about the new gift and rushed home to show her husband. As soon as she got home she told him what she had done. The husband was pleasantly surprised and asked to see the new tattoo. So with that, the woman takes off her pants, bends over, and shows him and to that he replies, "That's nice honey, but who's Bob?"
: ) |
| Comments: | Soylant grren is people, the freaks come out at midnight, and your page is spifferific! Wanna see mine? Sure you do! http://home.talkcity.com/BookmarkBlvd/aeon_flux_/index.html
Hehe.... cheap publicity : ) |
| Name: | Cayenne Piper |
| E-mail address: | Janet_Majors_@webtv.net |
| Your Joke: | Ok... hmmm... This lady and her husband really loved each other so for their one year anniversary the ambitious young girl decides to show her love for her husband by getting his name tattooed on her ass. So she goes in to see the tattoo artist and he askes her, "What is your husband's name?" And to that she replied, "Brandon Barlovskynov." Well, the tattoo artist tells the woman that the name is far too long so he suggests maybe to write the man's initials. The woman consents and the tattoo artist carefully puts a "B" on each cheek. The woman was just thrilled to pieces about the new gift and rushed home to show her husband. As soon as she got home she told him what she had done. The husband was pleasantly surprised and asked to see the new tattoo. So with that, the woman takes off her pants, bends over, and shows him and to that he replies, "That's nice honey, but who's Bob?"
: ) |
| Name: | Jo |
| E-mail address: | lovely_lucy7@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | 1. what goes around a button? answer: a goat! *like a
fixin', a learnin', a runnin'.... a buttin'. god, this kept me and my friends amused for 3 days when we were on a class trip in the mountains. and 2. why did the monkey fall out of the tree? answer: because it was dead! *this is sooooo much better than the stupid chicken across the road jokes. |
| Comments: | you're really really funny... and a
cutie... please marry me... :( |
| Name: | kate |
| E-mail address: | melonabars@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | A guy walks in to a hardware store. He says to the
salesperson, "You got any duck?" and salesperson says no. He comes back a hour later and says, "Got any duck?" Again, the salesperson replies no. Another hour later, the guy comes back and asks, "Got any duck?" The salesperson says, "No, and next time you ask me I'm going to staple you to the wall!" The guy comes back a hour later and says, "Got any staples? The salesperson says "No" the guy says "Good got any duck?" |
| Comments: | Damn I missed the contest. Oh well.
I'm sure I would've won too, with a joke this good. I forwarded Timmy Myer's plight to all my friends(and people who think they're my friends). Your page rocks. Sincerely, Yours truly, Always, Get home before dark, Kate. Or Slingy. Whichever you prefer. |
| Name: | Ecco the Ice Lady Were Vixen |
| E-mail address: | cmw8728@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | I have two jokes. #1 is idiotic. #2 is even dumber.
1. A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch." 2. Never eat at a resteraunt called the "Roadkill Cafe" that serves seafood. |
| Comments: | DUmb, I know, but what do you expect
from a blonde as InSaNe as I? |
| Name: | dysprosia |
| E-mail address: | unknown@leafy.net |
| Your Joke: | Fnorg? |
| Comments: | It's dumb. |
| Name: | Brian |
| E-mail address: | brianpokemon@go.com |
| Your Joke: | A panda walks into a resteraunt. He orders his food.
After the panda is done eating, he takes out a gun, shoots the waiter, and runs. Finally, the manager catches up with the panda. The manager says,"Why did you shoot the waiter?" The panda takes out a dictonary, and opens it to panda:panda:Eats shoots and leaves. |
| Comments: | your site is useless....................
And I love it!!!!!!! |
| Name: | teri |
| E-mail address: | teriking@worldspy.net |
| Your Joke: | actual joke that used to crack me up in sixth grade:
2 frogs are sitting in the bathtub; one says to the other,"could you please pass the soap?"-- and the other replies,"what do i look like, a typewriter?" |
| Comments: | if it were up to me, i'd choose
the 'gaaassss station' joke as the winner-- the kid's a genius. |
| Name: | Shannon |
| E-mail address: | Shay@addall.com |
| Your Joke: | How Many Smurfs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, if they don't mind bumping the glass. |
| Comments: | My favorite joke ever. |
| Name: | jade |
| E-mail address: | jade_raine@gurlmail.com |
| Your Joke: | what does a fish say when he swims into a wall??
dam |
| Name: | JANE LANE |
| E-mail address: | Gooberpie1@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | what do you get when you mix a pitbull and lassie?
a dog who bites itself and runs for help what do you get when you mix a fruitbooter and a soapshoer? nothing fagets dont breed. (There's this girl whos name is Jessica Holder, and shes our town slut.) Did you hear the joke about jessica holder? she was all over town |
| Comments: | i love you. marry me. |
| Name: | greg T. |
| E-mail address: | runs_with_scissors@stupid.com |
| Your Joke: | Beethoven's Ninth
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a drink. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!" he cried. "No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled." A few moments later, the drunk musicians staggered back into the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy. She pointed this out to her date. "Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded." |
| Name: | Greg T. |
| E-mail address: | runs_with_scissors@stupid.com |
| Your Joke: | A man was in his front yard mowing grass when this
attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" > > > >(are you ready?) > > > > > >My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL." |
| Comments: | chocolate sauce is composed of the
elements chocolate and sauce. |
| Name: | stinky the avenger |
| E-mail address: | rambler71@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | why is the Starship Enterprise like toilet paper?
because it circles around Uranus and wipes out Klingons. |
| Comments: | yep |
| Name: | stinky the avenger |
| E-mail address: | rambler71@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | Q: Why is the Starship Enterprise like your underpants?
A: Because it circles around Uranus and wipes out Klingons. |
| Comments: | yep |
| Name: | stinky the avenger |
| E-mail address: | rambler71@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | Q: Why is the Starship Enterprise like your underpants?
A: Because it circles around Uranus and wipes out Klingons. |
| Name: | Devan |
| E-mail address: | guitarzann@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | Three skunks are walking through the forest when they come
to a fork in the road. The one skunk says, "My instincts tell me to go left." The second skunk says, "My instincts tell me to go right." The third skunk says, My end stinks, but it doesn't talk to me." |
| Comments: | Nice. |
| Name: | Devan |
| E-mail address: | guitarzann@hotmail.com |
| Name: | Lizard Queen |
| E-mail address: | none |
| Your Joke: | God had decided that there were too many people in heaven.
So he decided to only let people in that had had a bad day on the day that they died. So one day, there were three guys at the gates of heaven. So St. Peter goes up to the first one and says, "ok, how was your day?" The first guy said, "I had a feeling that my wife was cheating on me. So, I came home from work one day on my lunch break to see if my wife was with anyone. So I come home, and find here naked, in bed. But there's no other guy anywhere. So I start screaming at her, asking where the other guy is, and she screams back that she'll never tell me. So I start searching everywhere, I look under the bed, in the closets, trying to find that guy. Now I live on the 21st story of an apartment building, and I have a balcony. So I just happen to walk past it and I see these fingertips just hanging over the edge. So I figure that that's the guy, and I start stomping real hard on those fingers, and, naturally, the guy falls to his death. But then I see he landed in some bushes, and he's still alive. So I pick up the thing nearest to me, which happens to be a refridgerator, and I chuck it onto the guy, and he's dead for sure now. I was so happy I had a heart attack." "Well, I guess your day was bad enough, what with your wife cheating on you and all," St. Peter said, "so you can go to heaven, here's your harp, have a nice day." So the first guy walked away thru the gates. St. Peter then went up to the second guy in line and said, "ok, how was your day?" The second guy in line replied, "Man, I love to work out. I'll be on my treadmill all day, I'll be lifting weights, pumpin' ass, you know. But anyway, I live on the 22nd story of an apartment building, and one day I had my treadmill out on the balcony. And it was such a nice day, and I was felling so great that I ran right off the treadmill and fell off the balcony. I would have been dead just then, but I managed to just hook my fingers over the guy below me's balcony. But man, I never knew that guy was a psycho! He comes out and starts stomping on my fingers for no reason at all! But luckily, as I fell off the balcony, I landed in some bushes. But you know what?! Then the guy below me goes and chucks a refridgerator at me! And then I ended up here." "Geez, your day WAS bad!" St. Peter proclaiimed, "so you can go to heaven. Here's your harp, have a nice day." So then the third guy came up and said, "Alright, picture this. I'm naked in a refridgerator." |
| Comments: | I have more time-wasting jokes than
that, but they're too pathetic to put on here. |
| Name: | Kristy the great |
| E-mail address: | Skippy138@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | Why are there NO monkeys on the moon?
Because there are no banana's there. |
| Comments: | i like pie. |
| Name: | Paddy |
| E-mail address: | fangman@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | A man goes into a fancy restraunt, orders a bowl of soup,
takes one spoonfull, and throws the bowl on the wall. The waiter throws him out and says he can never come back again. The man says that is is very ashamed and surprised at what he did, and he leaves. The next day, the same guy comes in, and begs to eat there once more. "I've changed," he says,"Please let me back in!" The waiter reluctantly lets him in. The man orders soup, takes a spoonfull, and throws the bowl on the wall. The waiter comes back up and yells at him, telling him he can never come back again, and this time, he means it. The man burst into tears saying, "It just happened, I can't explain it! I'm so ashamed!" The next day, he comes back to the restraunt the waiter tries to stop him but the man gives a calm explination. "Look, I've got professional help, group therapy, the works. I can handle this, Okay?" Once again, the waiter gives him one more chance. The man orders some soup, takes one spoonfull, and throws the bowl against the wall. The waiter comes up and says, "I thought you said you got therapy?!" The man replies, "I did! I'm not ashamed anymore!" |
| Comments: | Hope you liked the joke. The site is
kewl. |
| Name: | jimmy smith |
| E-mail address: | none |
| Your Joke: | a guy walks into a bar. he sits down and the bar tender walks over. the bar tender is about to ask the guy what he wants when the guy hears music coming from his pocket and asks what it is. the bar tender pulls out a 14 inch piano player. the bar tender says that he has an old genie that can grant any wish. the asks if he can try and the bar tender says, "sure." the guy says, "i wish i had a million bucks!" all of a sudden a million ducks apear in the room. the guy asks, "what the hell is going on?"
and the bar tender replies, "you didn't think i asked for a 14 inch pinist did you? |
| Name: | Jonathan Dabian |
| E-mail address: | strabo@surfree.com |
| Your Joke: | Why did the chicken cross the road?
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken: Thou shalt cross the road. And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Colonel Sanders: I missed one? L.A. Police Department: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out. Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens. Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told! Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Ronald Reagan: What chicken? Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? Bill Gates: I have just released Chicken Coop 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book - and MS Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system. Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? William Jefferson Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York. Socrates: Why would you cross the road? Dante: Midway through the chicken's life's journey he strayed from the yard and crossed the road but for reasons known not to me. Michelangelo: He crossed the road because he crossed the road and not because he did not cross the road. Descartes: The chicken is because he crossed the road, and the road is because it was crossed. Virgil: The Gods told the chicken to cross the road and become the founder of a great new state to which all new roads would lead. The Framers: We hold this truth to be self-evident: That all chickens are endowed by their Creator with an unalienable right to cross the road as they please. Earl Shieb- I'll paint any chicken for $89.95. Right! Heinrich Himmler- The chicken was only following orders.... Winston Churchill- A chicken crossing the road is something up with which I shall not put. Generic Zen Philsopher- Imagine the sound of one chicken crossing the road... Stephen Hawking- Did the chicken cross the road? Or was he pulled across by a gravatational singularity? or Did the chicken cross the road? Or did he spontaneously tunnel through space-time to the other side? Neitzsche- Chickens stink. Everything stinks. Schrodenger- The chicken cannot be said to exist, unless we witness its existence. He cannot be said to have crossed the road unless we witness his crossing. Neil Armstrong- One small step for man, one giant step for chickens. Monty Python- Isn't it awfully nice to have a chicken? Isn't it awfully nice to have a cock? Carl Marx- The chicken is repressing the proletariat. Gen. Douglas MacArthur- One day the chicken shall return. Al Gore- I created the chicken. Emperor Palpatine- Cross this road and you will be on your way to the Darkside. Admiral Ackbar- IT'S A TRAP! General Klingon- The chicken was fleeing from battle, the chicken is dishonorable! Alan Greenspan- The chicken was feeling pressure from the Asian Financial Crisis and decided to flee the Capital Markets. Yoda- Cross you must; ask why you must not. Vader- Cross with me and together we will rule the galaxy as father and chicken. Homer Simpson- mmMmmMMMmMmMm...chicken.... Greedo- Oota-Goota Chicken? |
| Comments: | hope you enjoy.... |
| Name: | Andy Bader |
| E-mail address: | drasticman@juno.com |
| Your Joke: | So a man walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. After
he orders a drink and the bartender goes to the tap, the man hears a tiny voice say,"Wow, look at those muscles. Do you work out?" The man looks around and sees no one, so he decides that he is just hearing things. He downs his drink and asks the bartender for another. The bartender goes and gets it, and as he does, the man hears the same tiny voice say,"You look very smart. I'll bet you were the top of your class in high school!" Again, the man looks around and doesn't see anyone. When the bartender returns, the man tells him about the voice and what it said. The bartender, in a knowing voice, replies,"It's the peanuts. They're complimentary." |
| Comments: | My favorite joke :-) |
| Name: | Tom |
| E-mail address: | Tbald10595@aol.com |
| Name: | laney |
| E-mail address: | laney227@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | Once upon there lived this old man who immigrated from
Poland. Anyways, he lived with his wife, and one day he walked into the grocery store looking quite disturbed. The clerk saw him and said, "what's wrong?" the man replied, "my wife is trying to kill me." surprised, the clerk replied, "how did ya' find out?" the man responded, "well i saw she had this package in her purse, and it said POLISH REMOVER." |
| Name: | laney |
| E-mail address: | laney227@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | There was this boy and he was very poor. So one dame he
sent a letter to God that said, "Dear God, Me and my mother are very poor, could you send us $100?" So he sends the letter and it ends up on the desk of the postmaster general because it is undeliverable mail. The postmaster general opens it, and reads it, and feels sorry for the little boy and his mother. He looked in his wallet and had an extra $20 he could afford to send the boy, so he did. When the little boy received this, he and his mother were very excited, but it ran out. So the boy wrote God another letter, and again, the postmaster general received it, but this time it read, "Dear God, Thank you for the $20, but it has run out, so could you send another $100? But this time don't send it through Washington, D.C. {they deducted 80%}" |
| Comments: | i heard this joke when i went to the LBJ
library, it came from this animatronic thing that was made to look like him, it was pretty cool. ~laney |
| Name: | Tiffany |
| E-mail address: | warth@cs.ucsb.edu |
| Your Joke: | A fish was swimming along enjoying himself, doing whatever
it is fish do, when he suddenly swam right into a wall! "Dam!" |
| Comments: | Better told live. |
| Name: | Jennifer |
| E-mail address: | Refined_edge@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | This joke was told by my 8-year-old cousin Andrew:
Q: Where do cows go on Friday nights? A: To the moooooo-vies. This joke was then invented by his 5-year-old brother Jeremy: Q: Where do cows go on Saturday nights? A: To the gaaaaaaas station. |
| Comments: | I just had to share that, because Jeremy
is so damn adorable. |
| Name: | Jennifer |
| E-mail address: | Refined_edge@yahoo.com |
| Your Joke: | Darth Vader runs into Princess Leia in the mall and says
mysteriously, "I know what you're getting Luke for Christmas." Leia says, "How do you know?" Darth Vader says, "I felt his presents." |
| Comments: | get it? presents...presence...ha ha |
| Name: | Lupe Morgan |
| E-mail address: | VSLouise@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | A deaf old man that goes to the doctor. Because he has a
hard time hearing, he takes his wife to translate. After going to the doctor and explaining his problem, the doctor says that he thinks everything will be fine but he needs to do a few tests. He'll need to get a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample. After they leave the office the old man asks his wife what the doctor said and what tests they were going to do. She says not to worry, all they want to do is see his underwear. |
| Comments: | My mom's a senior citizens' director so
she tells me all these gross old people jokes. |
| Name: | Lupe Morgan |
| E-mail address: | VSLouise@aol.com |
| Your Joke: | A deaf old man that goes to the doctor. Because he has a
hard time hearing, he takes his wife to translate. After going to the doctor and explaining his problem, the doctor says that he thinks everything will be fine but he needs to do a few tests. He'll need to get a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample. After they leave the office the old man asks his wife what the doctor said and what tests they were going to do. She says not to worry, all they want to do is see his underwear. |
| Comments: | My mom's a senior citizens' director so
she tells me all these gross old people jokes. |
| Name: | jazzy fish |
| E-mail address: | piranha@snds.com |
| Your Joke: | What happened when the invisible man played baseball?
He threw pitches like you'd never seen!! |
| Comments: | Great site...you are among my Most
Favored Website Status on my own site. Go-o-o-o-d job, oh master of niftyness! |
| Name: | danielle |
| E-mail address: | threadss@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | what did the grape do when it got squished?
...it let out a little wine. |
| Name: | danielle |
| E-mail address: | threadss@hotmail.com |
| Your Joke: | what did the grape do when it got squished?
...it let out a little wine. |