My old guestbook of five years with SignMyGuestbook.com had become too unreliable. So, welcome to Petrichor's new Dreambook guestbook. Not that anyone leaves messages very often any more, but in the remote chance that someone wants to, they will be able to do so.
Click here to leave a message.
| Name: | Formally known as Tourist |
| Comments: | It's been a long, long time. Where has life taken you? Hope you are well. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Glad you're still writing. It's been a while. :) |
| Name: | dana |
| E-mail address: | ioveender@yahoo.ie |
| Homepage URL: | http://finalscore |
| Comments: | hi there. i doubt you remember me. my friend just reminded me of this place, and i looked around at my diary and my guestbook and my friends list again, and i'm feeling a bit of nostalgia for it all. i don't know enough about you, and i'm ashamed for it. i'd like to re-introduce myself; i am dana, i'm 21, and i go to school at uc berkeley. i hope you are well, and i'd love to hear from you. |
| Name: | Vincent |
| Homepage URL: | http://perpetual-lab.blogspot.com |
| Comments: | As to the life-goal of finding love, it occurs to me that you would be better off not being an atheist. Then you could pray to receive whatever is best for you, and stop bothering, and get on with enjoying whatever comes your way.
Please don't read this as being prescriptive. I am just pointing out one of the advantages of not being an atheist. |
| Name: | Vincent |
| E-mail address: | ianmulder@tiscali.co.uk |
| Homepage URL: | http://perpetual-lab.blogspot.com |
| Comments: | "IF ANYONE STILL READS THESE OBSCURE, QUIET THOUGHTS, MY GUESTBOOK HAS FINALLY BEEN FIXED."
I don't think there is a causal connection in this "If/then" statement. Even if no one still reads your obscure, quiet thoughts, your guestbook surely remains fixed? I wonder if you mean "If anyone ..... then I invite you to write in my guestbook, which now works." |
| Name: | ~beth |
| Homepage URL: | http://livingaquotablelife.blogspot.com |
| Comments: | We all question love ... some of us many times.
PS - I love your quotes section. |
| Name: | Vincent |
| Homepage URL: | http://perpetual-lab.blogspot.com |
| Comments: | Hi Petrichor
I stumbled on your blog (if it is correct to call it that) when looking up the meaning of petrichor again. there are aspects of your diary that are interesting. I wonder who Tourist is: your alter ego? Anyhow, good luck. Vincent |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | First off, congratulations on finding someone who shares a deep connection with you. And it sounds like there are a lot of opportunities to explore yourself with this new relationship. Let's just drum down the line.
Sex: From what I've read in the past, you've shown you can indeed go for months without sex, the will power is there if you choose to do so. But the bigger question is have you talked with Nerissa about sex in general - about your and her needs/wants/expectations are? Is your relationship sexually open? What are the boundaries? etc. Next big Q is, there's always Lady Five-Fingers, so are you involved enough (committed) in the relationship that masturbation could be satisfaction enough? Or perhaps another substitution such as flirting. Could you, would you, be able to flirt without threatening your current relationship? That way your sexuality is expressed and released in a harmless way, but your still sexually exclusive to Nerissa. The one caution is to make sure those you do flirt with know that you are taken and to draw the line when you think it's going too far. Though it is long distance, what about rotating visitations? Example: You visit her every few months, then she visits you, etc. Granted travel expense, but the main point is that sex doesn't have to be a big deal. Can you be with each other often enough to satisfy the itch? Long Distance: I still think that yes, you do prefer long distance relationships. Or rather, that is the pattern I have observed. If you want to get technical, whether this relationship is different or not, it's still long distance in what ever form. That doesn't have to mean anything in and of itself. I merely saw a pattern and thought you might like to question yourself about why you've had so many long distance relationships - that perhaps your answers to that question would bring some insight and perhaps peace. But moving on... Dependency: If this turns into a long term relationship, then won't visitation to each others residences help build the confidence in those respective communities to where neither of you will be overbearingly dependent? And then, you can go from there. Once confidence is built, then you two can work on trust - you going out socially while she's in your community and vice versa. Summary: This is what I'm reading. You like the connection with Nerissa. It's deep. But you're worried about alot of relationship issues that haven't yet risen. My thoughts: Burn the bridges when you get to them. In the mean time, talk openly about your concerns and feelings on a continual basis with Nerissa so that when those bridges DO arrive, you will know how to deal with them. Is the relationship worth the will power, worth the expense, and worth all other efforts you might need to put into it? You can always choose to choose something else. Nothing is set in stone. As I said in the beginning, there are a lot of opportunities to explore yourself with this relationship. On an end note, you have come to know yourself better. Trust in your intuition and know that nothing and everything doesn't have to be this hard. - Tourist |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | You know who I am. I know who you are. For now, let it be this way. Demand will not get you what you want.
As for your entry: Get centered. Drop the twisted sister and all others that you know are obviously hurting you. Cut 'em off. *Get centered.* It's great that D is a genuine person, but while she's away 'trying to figure things out', take this time to do the same. What do you want with her? Do you want to try out a relationship? Of course keeping in mind the pros/cons, ie. long distance, etc. What it really comes down to is this: What do you want. What does Petrichor want. Once you know that, then ask, how much of what you want are you willing to compromise before you say, "You know what, this isn't it." Does D fit in with that? The 'what ifs' give nothing but indefinite answers. That is what keeps you in Limbo. So, make your definite answers. Talk to D about your answers. So what if she doesn't know what she wants to do - that doesn't mean the same has to be true for you, or that you have to keep yourself in the same place as she is for the sake of a 'possible, but not definite' relationship. But if you are unsure as well, perhaps the best course is to keep your relationship options open - not be exclusive just yet. There seems a pattern to your relationships - the ones that do form. Most of the women you hook up with don't know what they want. Granted, a lot of people don't know what they want and women in general are characterized with such tendencies, but consider the Law of Attraction. Why are you attracting these types of women/relationships? Do they reflect your own insecurities, or ambitions that you wish you were fulfilling? Correct me if I'm wrong, but the major relationships you've had were long distance. The 'indefinite' always present. The problem with Limbo is that we choose to be indecisive - it's so much easier to say 'I don't know' than to find our own answer. So, why does Petrichor attract these long distance relationships or women that don't know what they want? What does that tell him about himself? On a slightly different note, is there any connection between your relationship to your mother and the relationships you have with women? Until who knows when, Tourist |
| Name: | Petrichor |
| Comments: | Tourist, leave a message? |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Kudos my friend! I may be The Tourist of Life, but you sir are truly going to be living it! How marvelous! I hope you'll still post on here regularly and share about your new experiences and adventures. Good Luck Petrichor. :) |
| Name: | Petrichor |
| Comments: | I have done no action, I coincidentally came to the same conclusion, and now she has sent a e-mail: "Hey,
I saw you on here. And thought it would be cool to add you. Of course I hope your doing well." I haven't responded. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | I have found that no action is sometimes the best action. It sounds like this woman thrives on drama and any aggrivation, in whatever form, will fuel the fires of tension for her gratification of attention. Let it lie. Nothing is required of you. You need not do anything at the moment. Pass an agressive dog without any mind, and it will let you alone save for a few barks. Stop to address the dog, and its attitude worsens. Such a dog yearns for confrontation, usually out of habit or boredom. So, ignore the bitch. :) |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Hmm, a fairy, a pyro-cop, a dog, and a horse.... it sounds like symbolism is running rampant through your dream. What do you make of it all? |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Hmm, a fairy, a pyro-cop, a dog, and a horse.... it sounds like symbolism is running rampant through your dream. What do you make of it all? |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | You mentioned in an earlier entry about your traveling itch and this new entry seems to confirm it. Will you be off on another adventure soon? Where will your curiosity lead you this time? |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | What I mean by *in a different way* is to step back from your problems with love and look at the whole idea of love from a different angle. Separate yourself from the issue you have with love.
Imagine taking a cube and holding it out in front of you. How would you examine the cube? Would you simply hold it or would you turn it up and down, spin it around, ask someone else to hold it, or place it in a different area to look at it? Perhaps you'd even question if the cube were really a cube. That's what I mean. Try to take your "idea of love" away from yourself. Step back and view it creatively. Perhaps you'll see something or think something about it that you never saw or thought before and perhaps that new insight will help you. But whatever you choose, and you are choosing all the time, will be the best for you. Even if you choose indifference. :) |
| Name: | Petrichor |
| Comments: | *In a different way*? What exactly are you saying?
I am sometimes pretty indifferent when I suspect there is interest in me often, to be honest. I just don't feel the spark. And when I feel a spark, either circumstances are in the way or the spark fades pretty quickly. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Perhaps immerse yourself in love, surrendering to it *in a different way* than any previous attempts which have not worked in the past. Resistance creates persistance. Approach love creatively. Allow love to approach you. It isn't a committment, but merely a 'hello, how are you?' Perhaps love, in whatever form, will reply back, 'Wonderful! Lovely morning, eh?' |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | It's nice to see that you recognize this change that is happening, that you have become aware of its existence and are now enjoying the possibilities that this 'change' can bring - both personally and generally. :) |
| Name: | petrichor |
| Comments: | Tourist - Thanks. :-) If I can get the idea to gain a life of its own that is independent of me, I will be content. Until, of course, something else (inevitably) gets in my cross-hairs. ;-) |
| Name: | petrichor |
| Comments: | Savonna -
Letter Girl: my coffee shop where nearly all the workers and many customers know my name. She saw me one day, approached me, asked me to write a letter and then left. Religion: not Mormon, used to be Mormon, was raised Mormon, left the Mormon Church about six years ago now. Non-Mormons aren't allowed in Mormon Temples, but are allowed in the churches. What do Mormons even believe in? This is a way too broad question. No offense, but I don't fancy an attempt for something so broad. Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints I am not vouching for the strict accuracy of the article, but it should do the trick if you don't know anything at all. What was it like to be Mormon? The same, more or less, I expect than any religious upbringing that discourages critical thinking, is men-dominated, sexually oppressive, thinks it is better than everybody else, and encourages absolute blind obedience to its leaders. Throw in a lot of weird quirks and there you go. Hehe. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Good Luck on your Big, Gigantic, Huge, Enormous, Tremendous, and all other thesaurus words that mean Great, Idea. :) |
| Name: | savonna |
| Comments: | hi, i was trying to read more of your diary, but i dont have a lot of time at the moment. so I guess i will just ask you here, although you probably already wrote about them. Where did you meet Letter girl? and why did you guys start writing each other? and you are mormon right? what is it like to be mormon? I heard that non-mormons arent even allowed inside mormon churches. is that true? what do mormons even believe in? |
| Name: | Petrichor |
| Comments: | <<Can you accept her, yourself, and the reality of life if there is no peace and will never be peace between you two?>>
I don't really have a choice if there will be peace between us. <<Here's a question for you: How do you know there shouldn't be any peace between you two? Because simply put, the reality is that there is no peace between you two.>> Confusing question. How do I know if there should be peace between us? I don't know if there should be peace between us. But it something that I would like to have. <<You want her to change, to make peace with you the way YOU want her to, and it hurts because the reality is that she hasn't and most likely won't. You choose to keep the pain.>> Maybe it is just the mood that I am in right now or maybe I think about it differently now. It is completely up to her now if we were to make peace. It isn't going to happen. And in the mood I am right now, I am not holding my breathe anymore. There a lot of things in life that I wish were different, but they aren't. I might have come at my end of the rope of the whole fiasco. The last lingering refusal to come to terms with how things are might have just slipped through by without me being aware of it happening. <<We lose ourselves in the pursuit of other people's concerns and it becomes painful because we are not facing our own reality.>> It is true. However, if you look at in another way, being in the pursuit of other people's concerns is what activism is all about. :-) Kind of a Catch-22 there. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Can you accept her, yourself, and the reality of life if there is no peace and will never be peace between you two?
I find that if I'm trying too hard to make something happen, whatever it is, and it doesn't happen then that's a good indication that I do not need it to happen at this time. There are two choices to make about this: 1) Accept the situation for what it is and continue living life, moving forward. Here's a question for you: How do you know there shouldn't be any peace between you two? Because simply put, the reality is that there is no peace between you two. Then again, perhaps she has found peace on her own in her own way. It sounds as though she has accepted it, dealt with it, and moved on. Perhaps you may want to as well. The second choice is to cling to the past, to hold on to an expectation that is keeping you from YOUR life, from living fully. You want her to change, to make peace with you the way YOU want her to, and it hurts because the reality is that she hasn't and most likely won't. You choose to keep the pain. The only control we have is over ourselves - our will, our choice - our "business." If we dictate another's choice, we're in their business and there is no one left to deal with our own problems. We lose ourselves in the pursuit of other people's concerns and it becomes painful because we are not facing our own reality. May you find your own peace. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Can you accept her, yourself, and the reality of life if there is no peace and will never be peace between you two?
I find that if I'm trying too hard to make something happen, whatever it is, and it doesn't happen then that's a good indication that I do not need it to happen at this time. There are two choices to make about this: 1) Accept the situation for what it is and continue living life, moving forward. Here's a question for you: How do you know there shouldn't be any peace between you two? Because simply put, the reality is that there is no peace between you two. Then again, perhaps she has found peace on her own in her own way. It sounds as though she has accepted it, dealt with it, and moved on. Perhaps you may want to as well. The second choice is to cling to the past, to hold on to an expectation that is keeping you from YOUR life, from living fully. You want her to change, to make peace with you the way YOU want her to, and it hurts because the reality is that she hasn't and most likely won't. You choose to keep the pain. The only control we have is over ourselves - our will, our choice - our "business." If we dictate another's choice, we're in their business and there is no one left to deal with our own problems. We lose ourselves in the pursuit of other people's concerns and it becomes painful because we are not facing our own reality. May you find your own peace. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Can you accept her, yourself, and the reality of life if there is no peace and will never be peace between you two?
I find that if I'm trying too hard to make something happen, whatever it is, and it doesn't happen then that's a good indication that I do not need it to happen at this time. There are two choices to make about this: 1) Accept the situation for what it is and continue living life, moving forward. Here's a question for you: How do you know there shouldn't be any peace between you two? Because simply put, the reality is that there is no peace between you two. Then again, perhaps she has found peace on her own in her own way. It sounds as though she has accepted it, dealt with it, and moved on. Perhaps you may want to as well. The second choice is to cling to the past, to hold on to an expectation that is keeping you from YOUR life, from living fully. You want her to change, to make peace with you the way YOU want her to, and it hurts because the reality is that she hasn't and most likely won't. You choose to keep the pain. The only control we have is over ourselves - our will, our choice - our "business." If we dictate another's choice, we're in their business and there is no one left to deal with our own problems. We lose ourselves in the pursuit of other people's concerns and it becomes painful because we are not facing our own reality. May you find your own peace. |
| Name: | Petrichor |
| Comments: | I only wish that peace could be made with her. I don't think I will ever be granted that wish though. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | It is good to read your self-reflection. |
| Name: | Petrichor |
| Comments: | Its not the lack of activism that I am criticizing actually. Its how the activism which is done that I am criticizing. Its ineffective. While the intentions behind the effort is great, how it is normally executed and planned is, in my opinion, a waste of good intentions and energy.
I still have the mullet. I sometimes put it in a pony tail. But when there is no rubber band, it is definitely a mullet. I am not keeping it as a mullet, but it is deciding to be a mullet. And who am I to squelch freedom of expression from a mullet with its own mind? ;-) |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | Mullets need not be, friend. Either grow it out or chop it short, but keeping your mop in the limbo of both is simply cruel. And glory often fades. ;) As for activism... I suggest balance. A one-man-army is a tall order on top of dutiful scholarship. But I agree, activism needs reform - a change in perception both internally and externally - those involved and those that look on. Force rarely makes anyone change their opinion - the knowledge behind the desire of change may be the key. Keep in mind that a massive change in the massive consciousness may take time, and that people will change when they are ready to, but also remember that all your efforts are pushing it forward nonetheless. Instead of seeing only the lack of activism, perhaps recognizing the progress that has and is developing will make the burden lessen. |
| Name: | wetbluepaint |
| Homepage URL: | http://wetbluepaint.diaryland.com/ |
| Comments: | hi. so i am returning to diaryland after like 3 years or so and all the diarys that i read no longer exist. so i came upon yours. well i honestly haven't read much of your diary, but it seemed interesting sofare and i will have to come back to it when i am not so sleepy. |
| Name: | Petrichor |
| Comments: | No goddamn relief from abstinence.
2007 is still taking me for a ride. I almost was barred from going back to school this semester too and barely was allowed back in. Where will I go from here? Closer to getting my associates degree. Closer to getting a paper that is impressive but meaningless. Education is mostly a sham. Mostly. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | So... 2007 took you for a ride. Good to know you have a place. Where will you go from here? on a side note, did the new year bring relief to your abstinence issue? |
| Name: | Petrichor |
| Comments: | Yes, it is exciting. And I am not afraid of my future anymore -- even though I have no definite idea what lies ahead. |
| Name: | Tourist |
| Comments: | The name of your guestbook fits with where you are today, suggesting a higher introspection for yourself and for those that leave their mark here. May 2007 be as open to you as you are to it and then some. Expand, Explore, Dream,and Create. Exciting, isn't it? |