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kiddykatkill Wednesday, March 1st 2006 - 01:09:20 AM Where are you? Obviously you are not updating anymore, but I hope you're doing okay. - n

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Wednesday, September 29th 2004 - 02:02:36 AM kiddykatkill.diaryland.com Yay i came across your diary again! I ALMOST worked at a greenhouse. Circled the ad in the classifieds section and all, but i didnt quite make that necessary effort of applying. I dont know if you went or not, but it sounds like a good opportunity. -n

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bella Monday, August 23rd 2004 - 04:56:41 PM yuour right i woukdve been pissed too. friemds should be ther ewhen you need them. true ones anyway

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Sam Monday, July 5th 2004 - 01:42:30 PM seesaw@monsterinc.org Go apply for a greenhouse job Now. They always need extra help. And with your degree, how could they pass you up? They'd get you for minimum wage and you'd get experience plus a little spending $$. Go in person and go this week!! Good luck.

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Cristina Sunday, May 2nd 2004 - 12:55:29 PM mendez_rocio@hotmail.com Being bulimic is tough. I have to come to realize it is just a way to escape reality, the reality of our bodies, of our self-esteem, of our real value as a person, and our imperfections. I believe, from personal experience, that best way you can get better is finding other ways to cope with life's stressful situations and your frustations. Right now you are just hating yourself, and it is okay...we all sometimes want to deny our faults. The truth is you are trying to become better (look better and feel better through bulimia. Accept yourself, your ups and downs, and you'll learn to love yourself. BEST WISHES.

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Dana Wednesday, February 18th 2004 - 06:45:52 AM EmoWhore@hellokitty.com http://xemowhorex.diaryland.com you really shouldn't push thing down, and pretend. no one should ever have to pretend. thats not life. it's just a lie. a shadow of a life. or maybe it is life just not yours. it's what you put on for other people. so in a sence your living some one elses life? any way. even if you have to do the pretending thing for a short while so people don't wory and pry, you should maybe look in to getting help, or try really hard to do it on your own. just look in to yourself a little harder. you can't do that so much when your looking to do what others want of you. the i go contradicting myself. hopefuly you know what i mean though. just don't go too long doing things for nothing. what point is it to walk around living a life that isn't yours? you know? ok enough of my. i've done this for you far too much. i think mybe you remind me of myself a little so i feel like maybe i should try to pep you up or something. i don't know. i'm sure you get tired of it though.

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Dana Tuesday, February 10th 2004 - 09:55:30 PM Emowhore@hellokitty.com http://xemowhorex.diaryland.com you ARE in control. don't ever forget that. you won't screw up this time i have faith in you. you're doing great, and will continue to do great untill its not even worth comenting on because is just a normal occurance. :)

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Kaleigh Monday, February 9th 2004 - 11:42:16 PM If you are looking to lose weight safely, how about Weight Watchers? Basically, 20 points/day, 35 flex points/week, 6 glasses of water, 5 servings of veggies/fruit a day. You can buy a book of point values or find them on the internet. It may help you keep within a healthy range - not binging or starving. Have a good time in Aruba!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Dana Tuesday, January 20th 2004 - 04:21:37 AM EmoWhore@hellokitty.com http://xemowhorex.diaryland.com change is really fucking scary, but it's a necessity. Pushing through fear makes you grow as a person. would you really want to be 75 year old collage student? I don¡¦t think you would fit in too well at the keggers ƒº. i don't know what you went to school for, but if you put the effort in to it then you should use the knowledge how you intended. what good is it to be a surgeon if you never save any one? you can sit there and say "yeah i 'could' remove a ruptured spleen, you know if i felt like it." After graduate school you¡¦ll do what every one does after graduate school. You¡¦ll go out and do what you¡¦ve learned to do, and some one will pay you for it. That¡¦s sort of how it works. ƒº the only way you'll be a bitter old lady is if you shy away from what you want in life, and never do, or at least try to do the things you set out to achieve. live your life for you, that's the best thing any one can do. even if you don't succeed at everything at least you tried. you can't be upset if you know you did everything you possibly could. what i'm saying is fear is reasonable, but don't let fear stop you from doing anything. i'm sure it won't, you¡¦re stronger than that. but i thought you needed a little inspirational pep talk. :) and you know being alone isn¡¦t always bad¡K there¡¦s no one there to criticize your actions, and force their opinions on you. there¡¦s no one to answer to but yourself. You know you¡¦ve really accomplished something when you can relish in being alone. You¡¦re not confined you your television. You can do anything you want there¡¦s no one stopping you but you. just LIVE. Life really isn¡¦t that important in the long run. In 50 years no one is going to know if you mad an ass of your self or, or choked on final jeopardy. The only important thing is that you live it on your terms to the best of your ability. i'll step down from my soap box now. try not to cut yourself any more. it's not good for you... easier said than done i know but i thouhgt i needed to throw it in for good measure. i hope you get your head straight and work through all this. your a good person if nothing else theres always that, right? you deserve better than you're giving yourself right now. but probably you already knew that.

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Dana Friday, October 31st 2003 - 11:59:51 PM emowhore@hellokitty.com http://xemowhorex.diaryland.com i've seen the pig! i wonder if it is the same pig at every fair. and if it's nto then whos pig is actualy the biggest... also seen the worlds biggest horse... never the smallest though.

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Ava Sunday, October 19th 2003 - 08:31:44 PM black_adore@hotmail.com http://pointlessado.diaryland.com im a random person. i thought your screen name was wicked cool. we should talk. good lyric at the top too. by the way. peaec.

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Molly Thursday, September 18th 2003 - 08:39:05 PM antisocialbutterfly@yahoo.com http://mozatlan.diaryland.com The commercial you're thinking of is for Zoloft. My bf took it for a while and it gave him horrible diarrhea, but I don't think it causes weight gain, so I guess it's the lesser of two evils, huh?

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amalthea Thursday, September 18th 2003 - 07:23:16 PM http://amalthea23.diaryland.com paxil is a big weight gain med and you can't take any of those with diet pills...

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gwynnie Tuesday, September 16th 2003 - 09:47:49 PM gwynfly@yahoo.com I'm glad my comments helped, at least a little :) I'm really interested in hearing how the phentermine works out for you, for entirely selfish reasons of course.

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Dana Tuesday, September 16th 2003 - 04:17:24 AM emowhore@hellokitty.com http://xemowhorex.diaryland.com when i was on prozac it only helped with the bulimia for the first couple weeks. in that time it just totaly took away my apitite... after that though the effects wore off and i was back at it. my thereapist didn't know i was bulimic either. thats just what they gave me. any way maybe it was just me. seeing as the anti depresant effects sort of wore off too. any way good luck with everything.

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gwynnie Sunday, September 14th 2003 - 10:59:47 AM gwynfly@yahoo.com Amanda, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time! Is there someone on campus you can talk to? This seems like something you shouldn't wait to deal with. Don't think of meds as "fake" happiness -- think of them as getting your brain chemicals back to a place of stasis where you can pull yourself up and out of that dark hole. I don't know if this helps, but please be careful. I love reading your journal -- you're such a cute, funny girl, and a good writer to boot -- and I don't want anything to happen to you!

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sarah Wednesday, September 10th 2003 - 01:36:06 PM http://sarahsundae.diaryland.com I like your diary.

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dana Tuesday, September 2nd 2003 - 03:50:34 AM emowhore@hellokitty.com http://xemowhorex.diaryland.com neosporin is a god send when it comes to gaping wounds. i find it really does help things heal faster. so maybe slather on some neosporin and slap a big band aid on the mo fo. that's what i would do any way. :)

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onlylittle Friday, July 25th 2003 - 07:14:59 AM onlylittle@diaryland.com http://onlylittle.diaryland.com hey. never feel that you have to explain ANYTHING in a diary. it is 100$, completely, and ONLY for your benefit!! not for anybody. make wacked out comments that don't make sense to anybody else but you. in fact, make ENTIRE ENTRIES that don't make sense to anybody but you. yell, scream, rant rave. write what you want. not what we want. besides, how do YOU know what i want to read??!!?? ;) i hope it gets better for you!! *hugs* from a fan.

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Liesl Friday, April 4th 2003 - 10:17:13 PM Hey, I want to congratulate you on wanting to finally stop binging, but remember that your ED is *just* a way of coping with emotions and other difficult things in life and that if you take away your ED, you need to replace it with healthier ways of coping and/or work on the issues affecting you. I recommend therapy! I KNOW it works if you have a good therapist and you TRULY are ready to change. Also, ephedra is BAD NEWS!

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lucy Friday, April 4th 2003 - 06:01:09 AM lucy@lucyspage.com http://www.lucyspage.com Hi, just a quick buzz to say how much i liked your site, keep up the good work, lucy :-)

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DESTINY638 Wednesday, April 2nd 2003 - 08:29:43 AM DESTINY638@EXCITE.COM Ok you wanted comments on what people think of your change and i just wanted to say that i have been reading your diary for a while and i think with all your ups and downs that you have some kinda of depression on top of your ed and i just want to say that yes you can do it if you would not beat yourself up for things that you eat or if you did not go to the gym and the idea of starting out slow is great. i have lost 50 pounds myself and if you would like some ideas or help let me know good luck with it

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MistyEyedJoker Wednesday, April 2nd 2003 - 01:15:53 AM joker-m@charter.net http://joker-m.diaryland.com Sorry about your guinea pig :( But, congrats on you deciding to change your life. I hope it works out for you. I hope you're just as enthusiastic when your ephedra wears off :) Best wishes ~MEJ~

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n Tuesday, April 1st 2003 - 11:11:29 PM http://kiddykatkill.diaryland.com hmm...read your last entry. It's good that you recognize that about your ED, I mean I think that same thing a lot but choose to ignore it, because just like everyone else I thrive on instant results, whether they last or not. But I guess you just have to step back and look at what you're doing to yourself, and where its getting you. Good for you though, I wish you luck with that. : ) -n

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gwynnie Monday, March 31st 2003 - 07:23:56 PM gwynfly@yahoo.com I'm sorry about your guinea pig! That really stinks.

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dana Monday, March 31st 2003 - 03:58:42 PM http://xconcealer.diaryland.com im sorry :/ i know, its really hard when you lose your pets. i had my rabbit for 11 years and he passed away a little bit back. i still miss him.. :/ it makes it easier when you do get another pet though, because it fills that void a little bit. we have a guinea pig now :) anyways, take care.. i hope you feel better.

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gwynnie Friday, March 28th 2003 - 08:04:15 AM gwynfly@yahoo.com Hey, girl! I hope you're OK today -- it sounds like you had a hell of an evening. It is shocking to think about just how many times you've thrown up, isn't it? I mean, I throw up pretty much everyday, with periods where I did it more often than that. I don't even want to attach a particular number to it, because it's too horrifying. Anyways, feel better! I hope you have a beautiful day like we have in NY today.

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n Friday, March 28th 2003 - 12:07:53 AM http://kiddykatkill.diaryland.com thanks for the advice. I really should quit but I feel like I would just be adding to the many MANY things I have either quit or failed at. And my parents are slowly starting to make me pay for my own clothes, food, so I need the money. Anyways, you seem to be doing incredibly well with your daily caloric intake, Im so jealous, I've gone way off track. the problem with me is I need to put all my focus on losing weight to actually shed pounds, forget school or work or friends. Anyways, I can understand the binge food thing. If you feel you need to buy some, go do something for 20 minutes and force yourself not to think about eating and you won't want to anymore. Idunno, it works for me. Not that Im the best person to ask

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Dana Sunday, March 23rd 2003 - 02:59:08 AM emowhore@hellokitty.com http://xemowhorex.diaryland.com hey, glad i could help. :) and pj's sound so very nice right now... oh how i envy you...

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LIstia Saturday, March 22nd 2003 - 09:40:25 AM I'm no expert or anything but get your fucking ass moving and stop being a whiny bitch and go get the help your fucking body and stupid ass mind need. Stop the stupid ass excuses. You and your family are so screwed up and you don't know what a real family life is like so you'd better take the control yourself. Move your ass over to the health center and get drugs to control you ocd's. HELLO---it's FREE AND CONFIDENTIAL. I've seen your entire diary and you're a great writer but you come from a fucked up place. I go to ASU too but I have no idea who you are. Pull yourself up get to the health center NOW!

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Dana Saturday, March 22nd 2003 - 08:49:05 AM emowhore@hellokitty.com http://xemowhorex.diaryland.com i just wanted to say that it is possible to lose the weight. it's taken me about 2 years to finally get motivated enough to stop screwing off and actually lose something. since january i've lost about 30 pounds. just try to take it slow. look at one day, one month one meal at a time what ever it takes. it does matter if it's important to you. and eventually you will succeed, just don't ever give up.

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Trista Tuesday, February 25th 2003 - 07:04:23 AM da1lily@aol.com Did you ever notice how people with eating disorders get chunky after they stop? What is up with that? You can stop being bulemic or anorexic and stay on a diet can't you? Well I think that eating disorders suck and they are devistating for your self-esteem but if it works for you Just do it! It isn't like it is illegal or anything!

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gwynnie Friday, February 21st 2003 - 08:08:14 AM gwynfly@yahoo.com Boy, that last girl who signed was annoying. Sheesh, you mean bulimia is BAD for me? Why didn't anyone tell me? Now I'll be sure to never do it again! Duh. I tend to pooh-pooh that whole it's-an-ED-thing-you-wouldn't-understand affectation, but Jesus, people, why do you think we do this? Really, now. Anyway, I'm so sorry you're feeling so crappy! But in your last paragraph it really does sound like you have it together, deep down. I hope the clouds lift soon!

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evilpanda Tuesday, February 11th 2003 - 02:35:08 PM http://evilpanda.diaryland.com are you for real? do you really throw up after eating, and you don't see anything wrong with that? you have an eating disorder, and you should be concerned with your health. that's not a healthy way to diet. you can do better than that! from what i've read, you deserve better than that!

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Leah Tuesday, February 4th 2003 - 07:34:43 PM cosmic2107@hotmail.com http://silent-belle.diaryland.com Hey hun! Love your diary and your pro-ana site. I'm 5'8 as well. I couldn't find when you last posted your weight, but if you'd like to talk about anything ever, give me a shout at my email addy. My diary is locked but I can give you the username and pswd if you'd like. Take care..

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gwynnie Tuesday, January 21st 2003 - 07:44:12 PM gwynfly@yahoo.com Girl, go get that rash looked at! It's probably just contact dermatitis or something and they'll look at it for two seconds and give you something to put on it and then you'll be cured! Think of all the medical procedures people have to endure that are much, much more embarassing than a little tummy-baring: at least you don't have to, say, get a colonoscopy. So it could be worse, right?

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gwynnie Friday, January 17th 2003 - 08:58:57 AM gwynfly@yahoo.com Wow, I'm honored to be mentioned ;) Try not to worry about the b/p slip-up, one day at a time and all that. To me, even managing to resist the impulse to purge just one time is a little something to be proud of and to build on.

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amalthea Thursday, January 16th 2003 - 09:00:13 PM http://amalthea23.diaryland.com yeah, i was terrified of eating all the fat too, but that's just for the first two weeks, and you feel better when you lose the weight, my mom is really overweight and she lost 5 lbs in 4 days on it this week. supposidly, your craving for carbs does die down though, and there are substitutes that you can have, whole diet books written on the subject with recipies and stuff that include sweets and the like... look into it, it really helped me out...

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gwynnie Thursday, January 16th 2003 - 08:41:02 AM gwynfly@yahoo.com Hey, girl, good work on not b/ping! I've been reading your journal for ages, but just worked up the balls to drop you a note. You seem so funny and cute -- it bums me out when you're sad! You really should be proud of what you've accomplished, rather than beating yourself up for not doing what you feel like you're supposed to have done. (I know, I know, easier said than done .)

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amalthea Monday, January 13th 2003 - 05:34:20 PM http://amalthea23.diaryland.com have you tried atkins? i lost 11 lbs in 6 days and i ate all the time. i think you should look into it, it really works..

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Ria Sunday, January 5th 2003 - 02:33:06 AM seamunkie1@aol.com http://seamunk.diaryland.com hi, I noticed that I was put down as one of your favorite diaries..... I felt like saying hi.. cuz yeah.. boredom hits.. and when it hits.. you kinda... yeah.. I've been reading some of your entries.. yeah.. they're coozay.. I think I'll add you.. weeeeee.. well.. I think I'll go now.. as I have nothing much to say.. ~ria. ps.. don't worry about eating too much.. it's the holiday.. or.. atleast that's what I tell myself when I don't want to feel guilty.. though.. I do anywayz...

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Thinmia Wednesday, December 25th 2002 - 01:07:17 PM http://thinmia.diaryland.com Hi* I noticed that you put me down as a fave so i thought i would stop by and check things out. I really enjoy reading your diary, so personal and real.

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Saturday, November 30th 2002 - 10:30:18 PM hmmmm....uuummmm....aaaaahhh.......oooo....

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caring geek Tuesday, November 26th 2002 - 10:16:41 PM hey chickie...me thinks its time to let your friends and family help you...what say???

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m Tuesday, October 15th 2002 - 11:35:00 PM http://recover-me.diaryland.com my sister is majoring in microbiology. Everyone says she's crazy for that major...I don't know, I hate science. but I'm sure you can pull the grade up. I know she had to take a class 3 times to pass. lol.

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Conny Friday, September 27th 2002 - 10:36:24 AM damonalbarn68@yahoo.co.uk happy birthday, Amanda!!!!!!

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Steffi Thursday, September 19th 2002 - 09:48:41 AM silva@methos.de http://soulwatcherx.diaryland.com I like your new layout! It's beautiful :)

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Domain Saturday, August 3rd 2002 - 04:46:40 AM silversea47@hotmail.com How uncomfortable is that....ugh, your grandparents knowing?! I would hate to be where you are right now! Just, I dunno, call them and tell them that you have stopped because you don't want to hurt them, and that you are sorry you ever did?? Or something like that?? Have they told anyone else?!

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domain Monday, July 29th 2002 - 06:15:09 AM silversea47@hotmail.com http://domain47.diaryland.com/ Nice! I can't believe your grandparents- but, wait, yes I can- my mum went through my room, found a bowl, and wham, that gave her permission to go through my mail, e-mail, and diary. Luckily i started writing in my online one a while ago. So now, she is 'concerned' and wants me to see a doctor. Like she even knows what the hell she is talking about. Screw them all!!

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recent Thursday, July 25th 2002 - 07:52:24 PM recentmoon@diaryland.com http://recentmoon.diaryland.com ha ha, like you don't know what my email and address are! anyway, just wanted to add a spiffy note to your guestbook. i guess i should say something spiffy... i read you all the time. i know you wonder if people read, and i do. there. spiffiness just for you! take care. ~rm

... [ sign | A Work in Progress ]