Please sign our Guestbook and let others know that they are not alone in this situation!
| Name: | samantha |
| Comments: | I am not being physically abused but i am being mentally and emotionally abused by my boyfriend of 11 years. we have 3 kids a 4 year old a 2 year old and a newborn. my boyfriend often tells me i wont leave him because i have no where to go which is true because my entire family lives n another state and they dont have room for me. he never pays rent on time and now he hasnt paid it at all. he barley does anything for my kids and i and i need help. does anyone no of any programs that will help me as far as somewhere to live i really dont want to go to a homeless shelter but i cant afford to pay rent. i have my grandma who can help me but she cannot pay all of my rent for me and i have a light bill thats like 700 that he doesnt even pay can Any1 help me |
| Name: | JuLiEt |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | parnzpage@hotmail.com |
| Comments: | My partner and i have just got back together after been separated for 6yrs. We have 3 beautiful children together the eldest being 10. We separated when he came back from east Timor as he wanted to go his own way and didnt want to hurt me as he wanted to break the cycle. He went his way and screwed everything with 2 legs. even during the time we were together, while i stayed true to the kids and hoped that one day we would get back together. We moved back in together but only as flatmates and for the kids sakes. Then the mental abuse started although the house was always clean and dinner was cooked, the kids were always washed and fed. After the mental abuse came the physical abuse. I used to run away all the time but always went back as the kids missed him.
After waiting for 6yrs i finally had enough of waiting for him and his cheating ways to change so i found a guy who looked after me. when he found out he cried and txt my ph so i went back to him. We got back together and started sleeping together again and thought that all my dreams were finally coming true. Until a few days ago.... We had just got home the kids were staying at my brothers for the weekend then he SNAPPED.... we were only inside for 10mins then the verbal abuse started. I dont remember much but i do remember being thrown around like a rag doll, him pulling my hair and lifting me up onto my feet and throwing me on the bed and him sitting on my chest and strangling me. I dont remember him punching me but i do know that i couldnt breath and couldnt move. He went to work the next day and when i woke up my chest and my body was so sore i couldnt even roll out of bed. What normally takes 10mins to get to the hospital took me 30mins. When i got there and told nurse what happened i was admitted in straight away. I had the xrays done and all the oral pain killers they were giving me wasnt working as i couldnt move or lie on the bed. They had me on I.V antibiotics and Morphine as well as Tramadol and sent me home the next day. I am now on antibiotics and still have trouble moving around and trying to get comfortable. The pain is still unbearable and was told by the doctor that its going to take a few months for my sternum to heal as it was cracked during the abuse. He says he is sorry for what happened and that it wont happen again but to me and my babies... there aint going to be a next time. We are starting to get scared now and i hope that anyone reading this does have an escape plan and will use it. We have one and we will use it. Feel free to e-mail me as i feel i could do with some encouragement. |
| Name: | Rae |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | racheal_barilleaux@hotmail.com |
| Comments: | Hi, my name is Racheal I am currently going through a very ugly divorce, I have a two year old baby. My husband is very verbally abusive to me, he threatens me constantly. We have joint custody of our son. My husband is not paying his child support, he does not take his visitation. Anybody with any resources, or information on what my rights are please let me know. |
| Name: | John Doe |
| Comments: | I don't know if I am the only father on here but I do want to let other people out there know that there is a very very small number of men that are in the same situation that you mothers are in with your children. My ex has never hit me but the verbal, emotional and mental and financial damage has taken it's toll on myself and on my children. I have done everything that I can to protect my children (that is supposed to be my job as a father to protect and to provide) and she neglects our children, uses the child support money for herself and talks her way out of being held in contempt for violating court orders that have to do with the welfare of our children. My children cry when they are with me and tell me that she spreads lies about me to friends and coworkers and that they get upset. I suggested to my children to maybe say to their mother that it upset them when she says things about their dad. My daughter told me that if she were to say that to her mother that her mother would pull her into another room and scream at her and then hit her. My ex will not alow me to take my children to counselling so that they can get help with their feelings with our divorce or with the fact that their mother tells them that I am just a sperm donor and that they need to be loyal only to her. The very sad thing about this is that she is the one that had the afair in our home and in front of our children if any one should be hurt and angry it should be me. She is the one that left the marraige and our family. She would never go to marraige counseling and she would never work on resolving anything. Everything to this day still has to be her way. I cannot afford an attorney and I desperately need one to get my kids out of her care. My oldest child is starting to act abusive towards the other siblings and towards other people now. My children are learning no life skills whatsoever. I fear for them. My ex uses anything and everyone that she can to intimidate me to get what she wants. I have lost other relationships with wonderful kind women because of how abusive my ex is to me and the fact that I do not stand up to her. Please help....are there any other men out there going through the same thing? I am just a nice guy trying very hard to be a good dad and to keep the peace and my ex now has my children calling me weak. |
| Name: | Samantha |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | valensa@bellsouth.net |
| Comments: | I know what you all are going threw I have been down that path an I almost can not type becuase I want to cry. I just found this page and wish it were here for me when I was going through. I have tried to email several people and I hope they receive them. I have many resources and know people that helped me. I can not bear to explain in length what I personally went through. Bu tI know that God has been my refuge in a time of need. Ladies if I can not say anything more. LEAVE RUN TAKE YOUR CHILDREN AND NEVER COME BACK, THE SYSTEM WILL HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE IF YOU ALLOW THAT MAN TO ABUSE YOUR CHILD. IT IS NOT WORTH A SPOUSE KILLING A BABY THAT YOU HAD TO CARRY NINE MONTHS. I love my life and my children were not able to defend themselves so who else will, You mommy. I will keep you all in my prayers and do not hesitate to email me. |
| Name: | mary |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | marykb10@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | hi i am 45yrs old with a 15yr old daughter. i have been married to my husband for 24yrs.he is very mentally and verbally abusive to me.he is a jealous,possessive,controlling person. i cannot have children, our daughter is adopted.(an angel from god). we had been married for 9yrs before we got my daughter. in this 9yrs i had been physically, along with the mental and verbal abuse. the physical has stopped. i can now see him doing to my daughter what he has done to me all these years.(except for the physical).he is constantly telling us we are fat and need to lose weight,fix our hair and clothes better. he says this in a joking matter,but i know this is not so.my daughter and i are both ready to leave,but i need to replace money in our savings that he doesnt know about before i can leave. if he finds out i used this he will go balistic. everything we own is paid for so when i can leave and get a divorce i will get a good settlement. i am trying to find some individual,company charity or anyone who might be able to give me a little help until i can get my settlement and i can pay this money back........if anyone can help, please let me know.....i am really desperate.....thank-you!!!!!! |
| Name: | Gloria |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | glory1806@hotmail.com |
| Comments: | My name is Gloria and I have been with my physically and emotionally abusive partner for 3 years. He has hit me from the the first year we got together, and off and on in between. He slapped my then 2 year old daughter to the point of marking her face with his hand print. I forgave him and we got back together. We we are now currently separated since I charged him for hitting me. There have been times I let him slide when I should have called for help but didnt. I want to break this cycle. We have a 14 month old baby and my daughter is going to be 4 soon. I can see the signs affecting my older girl and I hate that but selfishly still want to be with this monster. We have our good moments but he doesnt want to get help. Hes an alcoholic and will not seek counselling or treatment for anything. I dont believe he loves me. I love him but I think I love to much. We are not together and thats probaly a good thing because its not worth the horror I am told it will be if I continue in this relationship. |
| Name: | kathy |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | mtmountainlover@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | hello,
i really NEED some advice/help! i have exhausted ALL resources out there |
| Name: | kate |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | irish_lady80@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | If there is anyone with a suggestion as to helping me please email me I have 2 children 9 and 4 only the youngest is my x husbands child when i finally got the guts to get away from him both children and my self had bruises up and down our bodies from his abuse we had pictures i called the police and got an order of protection against him which only lasted 3 weeks |
| Name: | C Crawford |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | cjcrawford238@hotmail.com |
| Comments: | My ex has started the verbal attacks on my 6 year old daughter now. He has brought her to tears the last 2 times he had her for visitation. What can be done to stop them from continuing the cycle with your children. |
| Name: | Tammy |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | harttammy@aol.com |
| Comments: | This is my 3rd trip back to this site. Saddens me that there are more entries, but makes me happy that there is a place to share. My thoughts are that it doesn't allow us to share enough. Not sure if anyone has gotten in contact with anyone on this list or received answers to their needs. I tried to contact one, and was to be honest afraid that they might be discovered in some twisted way by the abusing partner. I guess fear and consciousness that we can feel for the abused person slows our attempts to help or reach out to others.
So far things have been great. My oldest turned 18 in December, graduated, has a part time job and plans to go to college in the Fall. Everyone is so proud of her, of course she received best wishes and congratulations from all relatives. Well most all, Daddy dearest sent her a request to stop child support instead of a graduation card. Nice! That battle was short lived. My youngest enters her sophomore year, her grades have improved tremendously. She is a far cry from the child she used to be. There is no more self-abusive episodes, just lots of smiles and hugs. I look back and it seems like another life time when I went through all of this, then it can be like it was yesterday. Kids are a challenge and will always be. They'll have hurdles and emotional points they will have to cross. Just love them and stay strong for them. Some times you have to let them go in order for them to come back with their own eyes opened wider. My ex had mine for almost a month. Was the worst time of my life, but ended the best lesson for them to learn and they are stronger for. To date they haven't seen him since, that was over 3 1/2 years ago. I took a class on being an advocate for domestic violence. I haven't followed through as much as I like, but one day when my life slows down I will. I have spoken before fellow co-workers on domestic violence during our safety meetings, and have been asked to speak at other groups. Hopefully reaching out to others going through this horrific existence as well as helping others to understand what happens. It's scary but I did it, cost me over $56,000. But I am free, not afraid to be the real me, or should I say can be the real me. I'm still with the same wonderful man. Our road is not 100% trouble free or worry free. We all come with baggage from relationships that have proved made up of lies and deception. But we're committed to work through our ups and downs. Treat each other with respect and adoration. This is a far cry from the life I choose to forget. Some times to survive we have to close the chapters we can't change in our lives, move forward towards being the best we can be. Please keep up the faith when you feel there is no hope. There is hope, reach out to others, don't feel your alone, your not. Believe in God he will give you strength. |
| Name: | Julie |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | anjelwing@aol.com |
| Comments: | There was a time long ago
I never thought I would let him go We had our bouts, our ups and downs But I never thought he would make his rounds I stopped the abuse as I hit him while he was sleeping Little did I know he would go to more weaklings He hurt my daughter at five months old He got mad because she had a cold He punched her in the head and shook her back and forth The next thing I knew I had no family and we were in court! We got divorced I fought for my childrens return He had to go and this was a lesson to learn The courts watched me closely to make sure he dont return They labeled him a manipulative genious and the judge was stern. The judge gave him a huge sentance of 60 days in jail. Then my ex drained our saving, and cut off everything but the mail. Told me to leave the state as he had no interest in a deal. I left and had no idea what to do. I had never thought I would have to move. So we started back at home where I grew up and that didn't work so we loaded up a truck. After eight years my children would ask questions I thought to my self that there should be redemption So I played God and thought through forgiveness Hoping that he had changed from his manipulative genious. So I contact him and his new wife and she immediately sent a wedding video of their life. I asked for help on a couple of occasions and he decided that it was a matter of equations I had the children and was better of than he so I could bare the burden without him economically I contacted the courts and they helped me out a little He actually had made his life a full acquittal. You see this man had "changed" his life so Because he found God and a brand new road. He got married with dogs, and even opened a homeless shelter He would work classes through child support and was even an assistant pastor So then I took the children out to see their dad for the first time They had such a blast that my son became a mime. You see my son was jealous cause he wanted time alone, and my ex found it necessary to give him the omega tour! So my son clammed up and would no longer speak... But, he won my daughter over withing one short weak She cherishes the man that almost tried to kill her The one that damaged her brain and will not help her. So I got tired of it one day and said she needs help I sent him a letter and demanded him to take a step. I got a response in how I made him a victim And, shortly to follow theirs questions to children He asks about my parenting and how late they can stay up He has even asked if they cook dinner, I am wondering whats up. I look up abusers and what do I find, but the first thing they do is try to undermine. He is using my kids and I am helpless to his control How do I stop this man on a roll? Oh by the way before I didn't mention He is now a probation officer in the court of the same prosection! Help. |
| Name: | Cherish |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | cherishann1m@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | I dream and pray everyday that this nightmare will end and she will be in my arms again!!! I just hope that my daughter Selena never has to experience any abuse even though she lives with the one that abused me I cry everyday and I deal with alot of pain hoping that shes okay. |
| Name: | Jen |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | jenluley@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | I have been struggling through what I believe an emotionally abusive marriage. My husband and I have been together 10 years in December. I guess the shoes on both feet as we both have our demons but I have especially noticed the results of our frictive lives turning onto my 2 y/o daughter. She has a very aggressive nature about her, isnt very lovable, and goes from hot to cold in an instant. I read that this is also signs of emotional abuse. If this is the case, and my daughter is being emotionally abused, in whatever way...what can I do to help her and change that? Has anyone else noticed this in thier child??? PLEASE HELP ME! I dont want my child to suffer. You can email me your responses ASAP. |
| Name: | sue |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | sue_jones1@btinternet.com |
| Comments: | after reading some of the stories I now don't feel as if it isn't just happening to me. My partner played mind games with me and my children for 2 years, he used to verbally abuse me, threaten to throw us out of the house, I wasn't allowed any friends and it got to the point when I was 9 months pregnant, he threw me and my 3 children out of the house and said that he was going to kill me and my family. I phoned up his father to help me, and he had to hold my ex partner down so I could get out of the house. I had 3 weeks to go in my pregnancy and started to go into labour. So for my own safety, the hospital kept me there for a week. Stupidly enough I went back to this person, who I might add, never phones the hospital to see how I was? since then 3 weeks after my baby was born, I found out he had another woman and he left me. He keeps coming back and says he loves me and I get sucked in. But now it has all blown up and he is threatening me and the children saying he will make me move from his area, phoning me up calling me fat, and now phoning my 13year old daughter, telling her that one day she will find out what her mother is like. He has won. He has git what he wants. I am going to be homeless in 10 days and might have to live in a b&B until the council find me a house. It is so hard with 4 children on my own. I don't know how anyone could be so hatefull. |
| Name: | Kandy Sunderman |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | dmsurvivor05@yahoo.com |
| Name: | Heather |
| Comments: | I am just beginning the process of seperating and divorcing my verbally abusive husband. We have two small children (3 yrs and 4 mo.) and I have no family near to support me. My husband's entire family is nearby and his parents have begun to side w/ him and verbally attack and acuse me being at fault. they and my husband are now also starting to attack me as a mother. I am very scared and worried. We have just recently started counselling, but I don't know what to do to ensure my financial wellbeing (he's threatening to stop paying bills) and to protect my children from being flung into the middle of all this mess. |
| Name: | sharron |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | chipmunk_1982 |
| Comments: | my husband and i are seperated getting divorced. I was verbally and mentally abused so bad that I had to get mental help. I had enough and told him i wanted out. So he took me to a guy friend of ours and he asked if it was ok that I stayed there. the guy said yes. He said that he would bring our son over during the day to let me see him. We have been going throu this a month now and yesterday 9-12 he called and said you are an unfit mother, he talked to his lawyer and they decided not to let me see our son. I have no money at all, can't drive, nor do I have a job. Our friend has 2 young kids that I had been taken care of for 4 years. He has even turned my own parents against me and telling me his lawyer is telling him this is ok. Noone has proved me to be unfit. I do not know what to do. There is nothing going on here. My friend and i have seperate lives. And rarely see each other |
| Name: | Jayne |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | powerof3@ns.sympatico.ca |
| Comments: | I left a psychologically abusive husband. I have custody of my 9 yr old daughter but my 15 yr old son has gone to live with his father. Within 1 month of this my son is being verbally abusive to me and I feel very strongly that his father has "brain washed" him. I'm worried about what he will do to my daughter. I don't want to "abandon" my son but I am unable to deal with his treatment of me.
Any suggestions will be welcomed. |
| Name: | Mother in Maryland |
| Comments: | GET A NEW IDENTITY, GET A NAME CHANGE THEN GO TO SOCIAL SECURITY ADMINISTRATION TO GET A NEW SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER...IT WORKED FOR ME..HE HAS NO WAY OF CONTACTING ME....TELL THE JUDGE U FEEL SAFER ESCAPING THIS WAY |
| Name: | kristy |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | Fastingfairy@aol.com |
| Comments: | Thanks for all of your comments. It makes me realize this is happening to others as well. I have been divorced for almost a year but my ex husband uses money he gives us as control and still thinks I own him sexual favors in return for child support. I only see him when he picks up our son but the yelling and name calling still occurs. I just don't know what to do. My son is doing great however, we just moved to a new apt. in a safer neighborhood. But unfortunatly last week my ex moved less than a mile away from us. I don't think I will ever get away. But thanks for making me see I am not alone. |
| Name: | Calimom4ever |
| Comments: | Thank the Good Lord I'm not alone! |
| Name: | Mother in Maryland |
| Comments: | One week shy of our 1st year anniversary, I decided that hitting my 6 month old daughter with the telephone was the last straw. Thanks for your honesty and openess regarding your relationships as it gives me the strength to stop it now before it gets worse.
Good Luck all and stay strong! |
| Name: | Teresa |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | tedwards5050@hotmail.com |
| Comments: | New with this site. Finally divorce from an abusive marriage, but he still likes to make feel that he has the power over me and my children. Trying to learn how to deal with better. Someday I guess. |
| Name: | Tammy |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | harttammy@aol.com |
| Comments: | Hi, I'm back again to read up on this site. I want to provide support to those in need and to let you know life does go on, and things can get better. I finally feel more free from my Ex's fear and intimidation tactics. That's not to say that the threats aren't still there. I've learned to deal with them better mentally as well as legally. He still throws out his threats, but the money situation for him must of gotten to him too. Alcohol must be continuing to destroy his life. He is no longer employed, no longer sees his children. Well lets just say he is not reporting that he is working. Not having your attorneys deep into your pocket book helps. I am frustrated and angered to say that attorneys love the games played and get tons of profit by fueling the other party's attorney instead of resolving matters.
The children are doing great, they still see a psychologist, their grades are lots better and the smiles on their faces are the greatest joy a mother can see. They don't see their Dad or talk to him by their own choice and he seems to of backed off on pushing them (being teenagers they have more say). It's still scary, he dives by our home when we have to notify him that we're going to be out of State. He gets a sick and twisted thrill out of telling the children or leaving messages about what he sees taking place outside our home (Yard work, renovations etc..) he drops hints to let us letting us know we are vulnerable to him. It's unnerving, and we document it as well as keep the recordings. We've found that silence is the best way to lesson his game playing. We've had damage done to our property which we can't prove. Instead of letting him know we're upset or angry about it, we never say a word about it. It's hard to fight or bicker by yourself. People like him thrive on fear and intimidation so we still his thunder with silence. Soon his friends will see him for what he is and turn a deaf ear to him as well. If you don't play into letting him know that you know he has been there, or done something then there is not much he can do without admitting he did do the damage. I'm not saying that if your having the same kind of problems this will help as it's helped us it's worth a shot. The more we can share in here the more things people can try to end this type of insanity. The kids see what he is trying to do and now think he is just sick and stupid. That wonderful self tangling and hanging rope. Now if we can survive the new obstacles of him not working to pay child support, or the game of him working under the table. This too will eventually bite him in the butt. My kids do without but are learning what is important in life and how important family is to each other. They see the struggles and feel the struggles with me. This is not all bad, they are learning to conserve and stretch our resources. We bought a house, I say we because if it weren't for my girls supporting me emotionally and as a team, it would never of been. I'm so thrilled. It's not what we had before, but it is all ours. We work on it together. We have been blessed with a wonderful man that loves us and has stuck by us during all of this mess. He shows the girls what a true man is all about. He has provided us with the other side of the coin of a man that has been terribly wronged and fought through it with decency and love for his own children. We love the kids and they love and respect us. I know the girls won't repeat my mistakes, they will be stronger and wiser. Marriage again? Yes in time, I've had some emotions to work threw, as well as the girls having trust and rejection issues. I've tried to not be bitter, just wiser. Hang in there and God Bless each of you. |
| Name: | sunny |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | harmony8989@charter.net |
| Comments: | Dedicated to Rachel and all of those affected by Domestic Violence
Fists of affection punching holes through my heart Ripping at my soul and tearing it apart Fists of affection that bruise me inside and out Taking away my trust for you and turning it into doubt Fists of affection stealing away my self pride Leaving in return the emotional scars I hide Fists of affection keeping me captive to fear Leaving me imprisoned in every single tear These fists of affection are what took my love from you They are to blame for us being through Fists of affection I will never forget They're etched into my memory Like every single hit Now when you sit and wonder why I no longer care Look at your hands, the answer is there. |
| Name: | Sunny |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | harmony8989@charter.net |
| Comments: | After all the fear my kids and I went through while having to hide for two long years. I got my divorce! It is done and over with! I received full custody of my kids. He lost all parental rights. And can never see my kids again. In fact I have a permant restraining order on him!
Please never give up on living. Use the law. It does work. It did for me. Those of you who are still living with your abuser I ask you to pay close attention to this advice. 1. Any thing he does to you, eventually he will do to your kids. 2.The people want to charge the non-abuser parent with child neglect for not protecting their kids from seeing and or hearing abuse. They want to make both parents responsible for it. The victim will be charged and sent to jail. This is a way to force us to protect our selves and our kids. It wont be much longer before this law comes into affect. 3. Those of you who are preparing to go to court prepare a victim impact statement. If you cant do that on your own. Email me. I will write it for you. I have written many of them. 4.You have to help yourself. No one but you can pull you out of the hellhole of domestic violence, but you. Dont suffer the pain and fear. Get up and leave. There is help. Ask for it. I say a prayer for all of you each and every day. God Bless. Be safe! Sunny |
| Name: | James F. |
| Homepage URL: | http://www.decidio.com |
| Comments: | Just wanted to say this sort of behavior makes me sick to my stomach. The laws against domestic abuse in this country are better than in most others, but still need to get tougher! Either that or an informal 'system' needs to be created for women to disappear to live their lives in peace with their children. Just my two cents. |
| Name: | Denise Ilanit |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | hotpebbles21@aol.com |
| Comments: | I was so pleased to find your site I have felt very alone with my chaotic X- situation..... The story is long and difficult to discuss because of the volatile circumstances existing today, but I will write back soon and appreciate the sympathetic ear :o))
Sincerely, Denise |
| Name: | Teresa Foster |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | Jcjones547spell0@aol.com |
| Comments: | My husband has left with all personal property obtained in our marriage he has been verbally and emotionally abusive he has dealt drugs out of our garage but then he says it all my fault that im emotionally unstable the kids have been verbal and emotionaly abused that was of our biggest problems was fighting about him being mean to my kids |
| Name: | stronger than the insecure weaknesses of an abusive man |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | tutimes@aol.com |
| Comments: | I am finally free of the emotional abuse from an insecure man that had to build himself up by not only bringing me down, but by being so incredibly abusive to my oldest daughter, emotionally, physically, and verbally. She was just a baby when it started and for the first 4 years of her life she endured it. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for not protecting her better or leaving him sooner. At the time I lived 17 hours away from my family and I didn't have the money to get to them. One day I was finally able to visit my family for a "vacation", but I had no intention of returning to him. Somehow he was able to sense this and agreed to move us all to where my family was. I felt for sure that this would end the abuse, he certainly wouldn't dare try it around my family, they'd kill him. I was wrong, even though the physical abuse pretty much stopped, the emotional and verbal abuse got worse. Then after about 6 months of living here, he just up and walked out on us for petty reasons. As much as it hurt momentarily, I thought at last I'm free from this monster. Until September 11, we had been communicating amicably for the last 2 months of our separation. I fell into the trap of his manipulations and desperately wanted to believe he had changed. So we got back together with the stipulation that he would seek counseling and attend anger management classes. "I'll do anything to have my family back", is what I heard. So with caution I let him back into our lives. It was all good for the first two months. It gradually got worse and he fell into the same patterns he had before. I attended marriage counseling sessions alone for the most part, he didn't go to individual counseling and certainly not anger management. He said he didn't have a problem. Six months after I let him back into our lives, I showed him the door. I even helped him pack. I felt so free, so strong, and I could feel my voice coming back. Something I had lost somewhere along the way. The battle I fight now is worth getting rid of him. |
| Name: | Tammy |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | harttammy@aol.com |
| Comments: | Hello again. I come in here from time to time to check on this site. I am glad that there is a place like this for people to sound off. the emotional and financial raping of our court system just plain sucks! We are told not to take matters into our own hands and forever told to trust! I wish that I had tons of advise, but sadly I don't. I am well over $ 56 thousand. I have won some battles but lost others. Trust is not a thing I have for the "SYSTEM" .
I know that it is hard to find happiness in all of the mess that is caused by these sick and twisted people. Let's just call them what they are "Evil" Please remember, we may have to share earth with them but thank God we won't share heaven with them. My heart feels for each of you. All I can tell you is keep strong, take one day at a time remember to take time for yourself and your children. Show them all the love and support you can. Don't let "Evil" steal any of the good things in life from you. It is not the kind of life any of us dreamed for ourselves let alone our precious children. Join support groups, become an advocate for domestic violence. Don't turn your back as you have felt others have done to you. Open your ears and your mouth. Speak up for our right to live free from fear, free from prosecution and free from being controlled. The more people that know that this is still happening the better. So what if some look at you as if you are less then life form. They too will be judged, but their judgment day will be damning by the power higher then us. Healing begins when we take control of our lives, even when we feel there is nothing left in us. I have hit the low of not thinking I had anything left to give. Some family members turned a cold shoulder to me. They did not understand the hell I was going through nor cared to know. It is sad and a loss, but it is their loss. I did not turn my back on another family member when she came to me. I can't begin to tell you the gratification that I got being there for her. Understanding what she was feeling helping her through what was a traumatic and a horrible situation. She is a lucky one, there were no children involved. I believe God put me through what I have endured so that I could help this child, and my children could see more then just me going through lifes unfairness. They are stronger for it and see their own father for what he is, and I did not have to point a finger or bad mouth him. Funny that it is true, give them enough rope and they will hang themselves. I don't feel bad for "Evil" anymore, they do it to themselves. Trust in God, for righteousness will prevail if you truly believe. But remember you don't have to kiss "Evil" arse either. Take away their thunder by turning a deaf ear on them. They can take your money but they can't take your sole unless you let them. Strength is surrounding yourself with people that care and don't drag you down. Be careful and choose your friends wisely. |
| Name: | Cari M Fehr |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | carlsbad mom 4 |
| Comments: | ok I just wrote to you. So emotionally exhausted. to tired to go in to detail. my x recieved supervised visits through the courts. They were documented by cps, court mediator, kids court appointed attorney. My children spoke freely of the abuse. it was through their voices he got supervised visits not mine, I just brought it to my lawyers attention for the love of my children. The courts allowed him to turn into most ugly custody battle u can ever imagine. he called cps on me they come because they have to, and they apologise to me for what the kids and I are going through. Always unfounded and rediculous. he brought police escorts to my house to pick up kids, never hav i ever refused his visitations. I want my peace for me for him and for the children mostly. He diagnoised me himself, documented in courts that I am bi polar. I never even knew what it was,never so a doctor for mental illness nor did I ever need too. I do now! :) Thankyou, nmot much left of me.
anyway courts just sat back, took every cent from me, my parents and friends. Judge, master of court, kids lawyers all saw and knew. he was out of control and they watched him beat me up emtionally and verbally with lies. sad thing is its not about me nor him its about the kids. I can go on and on. My lawyer said to me laws are only good for those that abide by them. I looked with wide eyes in shock. now i see, there is noooooooooooooooo justice. No hope for kids in family court and for the one that truly is trying to protect the children it is a life of horror. I would never and tell people do not tell courts cuz they will destroy you and the abuser will eventually get all he wants cuz he is a fraid of no one and the courts are have no solid grown. They are made of weak judges,laws that are just words and lawyers that set you up to fall and take your money then ask you to borrow from your friends and family, then make a bigger mess and then back out when there is nop more monies and you drowned in debt,no solutions and loss of hope and the worst pain is, the love i have for my children, and all I wanted was them to wake up and be kids and be happy and guide them to be happy productive people and i would of from the beginning co parent and respect him and would now for the love of our children. I am emotionally dead now. Truly waiting to die, it has not ended there will be no end, has been over six yrs now, i have crawled got up, crawled got up over and over again and i believe I will never have peace again and that is all I ever want for all. The pain i feel for my children. Because we were blessed with such wonderful children, caring kind. my 8 yr old is getting award friday fir being kind and fair for the whole elementary school. That is what makes me so happy. I really love my kids and i may lose them because of the family court system, an x that will use and abuse his kids to get to me. he told me when i left he would bring me down and he did, i tried to hold on, God I love life! Trusted the system, was honest andmy x one i have no more fight. |
| Name: | cari M. Fehr |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | carlsbadmom4 |
| Comments: | dont know what I am signing. I am here because I am so emotionally abused by my x husband and emotionally given up for the family court system which I believed in and always spoke with honesty and integrity. Its been over six yrs now. I have had a love for life, I still love my children and love and respect people. But I have lost all hoe, I am emotionall exhausted to see what my xhusband will be coming up with next. I work a full time job trying to support my children, I need and want to get another job so my kids and I wont be homeless again. ut if I do my x will show I am not available for our children and If I dont we will be on homeless again. He only pays support if he wants cause he is not afraid of the system. I watch my poor children going down too. They are innocent. I love them so much. I have done everything to coparent. I have read different books, like dance of anger. I step back to avoid making the children feel uncomfortable. I have a will, standards, morals, integrity, I am not fool of myself but I carry myself well and am very attractive. He has made it a no win situation. A ball an chain on my legs. I have been trying to move forward formyself. I love my children so much. it breaks my heart. They do not want more time with him. he is slowly killing me. It would of been easier if he just shot me once. I dont know why I am writting this to you. Feel like i am breaking I guess. I was once so full of life. Love life. Want to make a difference for all. Love to see people smile. Emotionally exhausted and just waiting to die. |
| Name: | kent o. |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | kento@lvrealestatepro.com |
| Homepage URL: | http://www.familyfirstaid.org |
| Comments: | We have sites for parents of troubled teens http://www.familyfirstaid.org |
| Name: | Leslie |
| Name: | Interested Party |
| Comments: | What happened to the site? |
| Name: | amanda |
| Comments: | I am a single parent of two children. Both girls, one 7 yrs old and one 6 months. I lost custody of my 6 month old to her father and i am i constant torment with him.
What makes my situation even worse is he refuses my contact with my daughter if i dont have sex with him and threatens to reveal parts of my past misdeeds if i fight back. i feel so bad because i virtually feel that i just handed my child over to him because he scared me so bad i didnt show up for court. he has prevented me from pursuing goals to better my life saying my time i do get with my child will be less than what it is now. people have asked "why dont you have him put in jail" and not realizing that is easier said than done. he is so good at manipulating peoples minds that he actually has lied to police so good that afterwords they looked at it as frivalous and let him go. theres more....so much more i am in torment in my sleep...reaching for my child in my dreams and shes being pulled away. |
| Name: | Kim |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | kimbers615@aol.com |
| Comments: | I am going through a divorce with my husband of 16 years. His narcistic behavior is unreal. It never ceases to amaze me. I sometimes wonder why I fell in love with him in the first place. He is miserable and uses my children against me every chance he gets. We have two daughters 8 and 14. My husband was always belittling me, calling me names and made me feel like I could do nothing right. I have Attention Deficit Disorder and so does my oldest daughter, she is suffering now because he does not believe in it and therefore will not give her the medication. I have shared custody of my children, you see when I moved out I moved right across the street. For months he would not let my children come in my house. Granted I did not handle the situation very well because I was lonely and hurt. He knew that the only way he could possibly get to me was to use my girls. I finally took him to court and the judge saw it my way in fact he said who would move across the street from their ex unless they were doing it for the children. Now it has been two years, I have found a wonderful guy and I plan on marrying him, (silly me right :-)). If my ex ever gives me a divorce. Oh and by the way I have a trial coming up for custody again becuase I refuse to pay half of my daughter's tutoring which he put her in without consulting me. I refuse. We have a guardian involved in the case and he has talked to the girls and know that the girls want to keep things as they are. My ex is also beginning to be abusive verbally to my teenager. Part of me wants to take them away from him but the other part of me has seen these girls go through so much and change so much that I can't handle upsetting their lives anymore. I am finding out later in life that while physical abuse is devastating to say the least, mental abuse is just criminal. Why the courts can't see this, I don't understand. It is okay for a man to tell you you are useless and no good and to make comments in front of your children. No wonder society is so messed up. I have told my attorney that I want her to ask the judge for him to pay the attorney fees. When the kids are with me he does not leave me alone. He watches me and writes everything down. He has even interpreted the law to his liking just to make my life hell. I heard from my attorney that his attorney is ready to fire him. All I ask for is the same respect I give him. I want him to leave me alone and go on with his life, there is no excuse for the way he is. I can't understand why people don't see this. There has been days that I have wished I was a widow. He has messed up my head. Thank God this relationship I have now is surviving despite my attempts to destroy it. My kids love my fiance, they say they wish they could change their name to. I know he is hurt but there is a time to stop dwelling and start dealing. I could go on and on but I am not going to. Hopefully and I pray that one of these days he gets help. Thanks so much for listening. |
| Name: | Alarmed |
| Comments: | SureAreLotsOfStories!!!!!!!!WhereAreTheAswersWhereIsOurHelpWhereIsOurHope!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Name: | sharon douglas |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | mtxldy@aol.com |
| Comments: | I am a domestic violence survivor but, now my fifteen year old daughter is trying to do the same thing to me as her father did to me for 16 years. He condones it, does not ground and when I ground her and she goes to his house he doesn't keep her grounded. Said I was grounding her for silly reasons. I don't think lying, breaking her bedroom window, and now hitting me is silly reasons. When I was with him I had a shot gun put to my head and it went off luckily towards the ceiling. He still tries to control me through the kids. My son has gotten to where he doens't want to go over there as much as he used to. It took two years to get a divorce from this man and if I hadn't given him joint custody he was going to put it off longer. I don't know where to go from here. I will do anything to help my kids but, their father is not going by the divorce papers of supporting the other parent in parenting the kids. |
| Name: | Lorrie |
| Comments: | My ex husband has verbally abused me for over 15 years. Five years ago I ended the marriage, but my kids are the ones who suffer the most. In his effort to control me and punish me for leaving, he uses my children as a pawn. My children and two other children in his company informed me of an incident where he was driving erratically and crossed the median line several times. All of the children in the car were terribly frightened. My ex has arrived to pick the children up or drop them off several times smelling like alcohol. Unfortunately, he has never been stopped by the police for drunk driving and my guardian ad lidem does not beleive my children. Not enough proof. Additionally, a 51A complaint for neglect regarding his failure to administer prescribed medication (antibiotics) was supported. Despite this and his habitual disregard for the terms of the visitation agreement, the guardian ad lidem recently recommended increased visitation with my minor children. When I told my children about her recommendation, they both began to sob hysterically. My ex is a very wealthy man and always presents himself as the victim. My children and myself have been the true victims of his constant verbal abuses. I have lost all faith in the justice system and its ability to truly do what is best for the children. Police officers I talk to tell me that it is very difficult to prosecute a DUI charge and consequently do not arrest individuals for DUI as often as probably they should. Parents who neglect their children are given several chances to prove themselves while the parents who act responsibly are forced to clean up their mistakes. Ultimately the children suffer. I am bankrupt from legal fees and have just about given up. I truly understand why women flee with their children when the justice system fails them. People like ourselves need to force new legislation to bring about change. We need to protect our children and believe them when they come to us with problems. From my experience, the guardian ad lidem just does not work. Any suggestions where to go from here? |
| Name: | P.J. |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | RavenImage@att.net |
| Comments: | How many mother who did try to protect their children had them taken? I have been declared delusional and all the letters saying I was abused where demissed. My older children are homeless, drug users and worst I fear. I can't even see them because I refuse to say I was never abused. I also say that MY children where abused and are currently being abused. |
| Name: | George De Virgilio |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | georgehenry1941@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | I am a man and I have not been through what many women have gone through. I dated 2 ladies that were abused by both their fathers and other relatives and by their husbands in later years. Although the kids may not have been involved (at least to my knowledge) it lefa a devistating affect on their lives and they are still carrying the scars with them.
I have no use for abusive people, either male or female, and I am sure there must be both. Please let me know what I might be able to do to support you. If there is any websites you would like me to add as a link to my website, I would be honored. George |
| Name: | RA |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | abeyta@zianet.com |
| Comments: | I was with my ex for 9 years, he would go out parting and come home and literally beat me. he would leave me black and blue, I would always make up excuses for the brusing, cuts, and scrapes. When I finally had enough is when my daughter wanted her bottle and he wouldn't let me give it to her cause he was to busy kicking my ass, and my son was telling him to leave me alone and he wouldn't, because he wanted me dead. I did go get a restraing order where the courts protect you from this abuse, if they come around you to harass you when you have this court order they will get arressted. where I live there's a program for abused women they have there own attorneys and they help you take them to court. so they wont harass you any more |
| Name: | Lana Dunn |
| Comments: | What happened to those men out there that thought about the child first? What ever happened to kindness and the loving respect once shared in a relationship? Some day soon I hope my ex can truely put our son first rather than his pety selfishness. May God walk with me and every other person in this tormenting situation. |
| Name: | scared |
| Comments: | I am trying to find a way to make this stop, but I keep hitting road blocks at every turn. Nobody with any power to do something seems to see it. Only sites like this one.
I couldn't believe how my life parallels what was written here. |
| Name: | Emily |
| Comments: | Im just on this site doing an year 11 assignment on it and I just wanted to add my support to all the mothers and children out there having to put up with this.
My mother went through the more abusive side with her ex-husband and I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Stay strong and seek help. |
| Name: | Elizabeth |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | beth3@nameplanet.com |
| Comments: | I recently left my ex because of verbal & physical abuse. We have a 2 yr old son together & I guess he thinks that the only way he can truely harass me is by calling & threatening to come up into the yard & grab him from me because I am to "mentally unstable" to care for him! This coming from a man who has been in prison for 3 years for pulling a gun on his ex-girlfriend! I know I will be harrassed for the next 18 years or until he finds someone new to abuse. I hate him. I really do... |
| Name: | Claudine Dombrowski |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | angelfury@kansas.net |
| Homepage URL: | http://www.myagape.com/rikki |
| Comments: | My ex has stalked me through the Courts since the birth of my daughter Rikki, finally a year ago he got custody w/o a motion for change of Custody, or a hearing for Change of Custody. He has a Criminal record of 8 convictions all related to alcohol and Battery, including battery on a Police Officer, and a domestic Violence Conviction.
See my dauhgters web page of all the illegal activities of the JUdge, and Court Service officers. He has a Childs coffin for my daughter in his living room, to show that he is in charge and states that he will kill both of us..and get away with it. The Courts are not protecting, CPS is not protecting my litte girl who is living with this crazy man. http://www.myagape.com/rikki |
| Name: | Sunny LeClear |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | sunnybj2@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | I finally got up the nerve to divorce my abuser Ricky LeClear. I have several law records on this man. He is a serial abuser. He has even been charged with fireing a gun into a inhabbited home. He was let go because of the statute of limmitations were over. He has not stalked me persay. As he is in jail for an unrelaited conviction of theft.. But this man promised to kill me. He has told me in great detail of how he plans to do this. I am scared. But I am mad. My anger has helped me to make some wise and yet painful decisions. I have walked off from my 3 grown kids. They will tell where I am. He helped to raise them. They are like him. Do they care. Sure they do. But the desire of abuse is greater. Its what they know. I took the time to get to know my abuser. And I can predict what where and when. So I have prepaired for him to come find me. Am I to sit back an cry. Hell no! I am nnot helpless. I am informed. And I can protect our 3 small kids. Will he get my kids? No he wont. I talk to every one about him. I let all cpos and neighbors see his photo. I talk. Your mouth is your best weapon. He cant shut you yp even when your dead. My abuser is aware that the statef nebraska carries the death penality for murder. He is not willing to die for whore like me. Will he kill me. I do think in a heated moment he will. He has smothered me, choked me for six hours. Held a hunting knife to my throat. He has rearranged my face. But the best weapon I have is to show no fear. He backs down to it. Even if your scared out of your mind show no fear. Think of him as a snake. But run like hell fast as you can. Dont look back. Dont go back. As if you keep going back. the abuse gets worse than before. Leave. Run. And learn to use the leagle system. If it fails you. Dont be afraid. As I eventually had a cop in oak harbor who belived in me. He put his hand out to me. I was afaraid but I took it. And he walked me out of my abusive home. And he helped me to have the strength to surrvive. Take that hand when its offered. |
| Name: | Debbie |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | dlugo12 |
| Comments: | I am dealing with an abusive husband and in the process of getting a divorcce soon. He has trashed my car three times and stalks me. He waits in my parking lot with three other people hoping to get me. I think he is trying to elimate me so he can have the children. What a feeling that is!!!
He had abused his stepson, broke his sons leg going down a slide, and threw a loveseat over on his daughters face.I have a restraing order on him not that its working. He still comes but this last time he was caught on security camera but of course he got away. I hate living like this. I have six children I am trying to protect plus my self and it hard. Debbie |
| Name: | Goobie |
| Comments: | To Everyone,
I know we have all said these words before but "we're all in the same boat." We all know how devestating it is to our children have to hear ANY verbal abusive statements, whether it be towards the other parent or about themselves. I question in my head over and over again, why doesn't my ex realize what he's doing to the children? When I have the answer in front of me: It was done to him as a child. I just will not understand why people don't break the cycle. I guess I will never know because I had two parents that loved me. Even if you came from a single parent home, if you're taught love, you show love. It is true what Debbie Garcia notes above, sometimes I have to leave it the hands of the "man upstairs", because he will look over us. I'm not sure which route my boys will choose, the honest and loving or the munipulative, material based path. I hope and pray that the verbal abuse is very limited, but from what I recall being married to the individual, it will be a driving factor in their life while being exposed to him. Why can't dsyfunctionals WAKE UP??????? Good luck to every mom on this board that is going through this. |
| Name: | Daniels |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | just22001@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | Being a single parent is hard enough. But having an abusive ex make things more difficult. All my children and I have is each other. We alway focus on us and how to make things better for us. Which includes limited exposure to my ex. His abuse is mostly verbal. And he is extemely neglectful. Including our sons medication. I always believe what my children tell me. I always listen very closely and help them deal with the pain of his neglect and verbal abuse. As of now I can't stop is visitations competely, but his time alone with them is very limited. All visitations will soon be stopped. This is what the children have asked for. They have said that they don't like the way he makes them feel. All I can do is try and make them feel better about themselves, by listening, being supportive, and always take the time for them. |
| Name: | Debbie Garcia |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | steurryluna@aol.com |
| Comments: | My children and I continue to live in fear of my x-husband
for 11 years since our divorce.The courts here are a joke.How can anyone raise a normal child in such a crazy enviroment? Is there life after a divorce from such a monster-no.I have remarried but the ex still manages to destory our sons mind against me.I trully leave it in the hands of the one up above because no one is helping me down here.Thank You for this site, it is nice to see I am not alone. |
| Name: | Rebecca Halleck |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | RebeccaHTex@aol.com |
| Comments: | This is a wonderful site. I too am being stalked by my ex husband. We have been to court too many times to count and I have been accused of everything from sleeping with multiple men in front of my daughter, to drug abuse and munchausens' and munchausen's by proxy. He lies constantly to the courts, police, friends, etc. I blame the system, him, but most of all myself. I feel I can't protect my child or my family, let alone protect myself. I am trapped in a state I don't know because the state has venue. He has abused me for 4 years, now it looks like my child will be next. There is so little that can be done. It's almost like Russian Roulet. Good luck to anyone that is having to endure this kind of chaos. |
| Name: | Steven Oliveira |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | Steveno67@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | Thank you for the information! I share it with my girlfriend and help me understand what troubles she is facing with exhusband!
Thank You Steven |
| Name: | karen |
| Comments: | i was stalked by my step-daughter's father. we both
decided to leave the bad situation at the same time. she was 15. she ran away first in may 1997. her father went to pick her up where she was, 3 states away and she left him in a mc donald's. she called her mother a few days later, the bitch told her to keep going. she called me, i told her to please come home and we loved her. i was attending group at the local domestic violence shelter. i received information about sexual abuse and sexualizing children. i gave this information to my step- daughter. she asked me to run away with her. i could not as i was not her legal guardian. the step-daughter ran away again late june 1997. i ran away in june. the father stalked me instead of taking care of his family. by june, i was gone. the girl brought home a 24 year old man to her father's house. he let them live together and smoked pot with them. he stalked me day and night at my parents house. today, i am still freaked out about letting my shades and windows open. i live in my own house behind my parents. my mom don't like that i have blankets on my windows but i can't do otherwise. i have a fear of people looking in my windows at me so i'm still affected by the stalking. the mom and dad ruined my relationship with the daughter. but i still love her and always pray for her. the dad is in total denial about the stalking, he denies hanging from the roof of my parents house in broad daylight or from harassing people who were close to me. he slanders me to this day. what a creep. want to know his name? he's a goodlooking traditional pow wow dancer who is good at charming people into believing how good he is. right now, the creepy thing is that he hooked up with a sweet lady who has 3 young girls. he will sexualize them too. he even posted pictures of the girls on the internet that are not sexual but demonstrates to me his continuing interest in young girls. |
| Name: | Tamara |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | luvnpets@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | I would like to write or type a story of my best friend who
is going through this disgusting fight w/the system,when her husband has neglected the children and abused them and her in every way possible and the courts give him custody,is crazy. |
| Name: | Tammy Hart |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | harttammy@aol.com |
| Comments: | I divorced my husband of 18 years. It took a long time for
me because I wanted to make my marriage work. The abuse was directed at me so I felt that I could handle it. I lived in fear, intimidation, and death threats. At times I thought that I was the one that was crazy. Jim was so controlling, manipulating, and beleivable. What I am finding is that most of these men are beleivable. I lived in fear when my two daughters were little that if I were to leave him that he would carry out his threat to disapear with them. Alcohol and Narsistic behaviour was the dominant factor in our marriage. Once I found the courage to leave him, the true devistation began. I have fought legal battle after legal battle, delt with his abuse and effect emotionally he has had on his two daughters and me. He told me when I left he would see me fiancially devistated, emotionally devistated, and without anything. So far he has carried out all of his threats. The one that remains is killing me or anyone that I am with. Our Judicial System in Oregon is a joke to say the least. The Stalking began, restraining orders filed, and then to top it all his brother got into the act. So now I not only am fighting for sanity from my ex, but his brother as well. My children and I are emotionally exhausted, and fiancially devistated. Every which way we turn we are delt a hearty blow. Victems Rights!! I find we have none.... The courts are a joke and so are our laws. If you are with a good job which I do have you do not qualify for any assistance. To date I have spent in excess of $24,000 and it has only been a year and half. I am angry that we are treated as if we are idiots, lower than life forms. I have listened to a Judge repremend me, calling me nit picky, pathetic, and super hyper sensitive, infront of my ex... empowering him to step up his stalking and intimidation tactics. Oh and that I am using the Judical System. Guess once I get killed or my youngest carries out her threat to kill herself then someone will listen. I know the fight is not over for me, and I will continue to fight with everybreath I have. Thanks for letting me vent... |
| Name: | Becky Schoeneck |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | schoenr@hutchtel.net |
| Comments: | My daughter is still fighting an ex in court. Divorced in
Alabama, we brought her to our state to live and to help her. When we went to AL to get her we found her in an abuse shelter. Though her now ex lied repeatedly in court, she was awarded full custody and he was only awarded supervised visitation. In two years he never showed up or called to ask for visitation. Last year he filed in court where we live for increased visitation and a guardian ad lidem was appointed. In spite of the past court records and all we have told her, the guardian feels that he isn't necessarily like that now (3 years later). She thinks he should be able to take two (now 4 year olds) half way across the country for weeks worth of visitation at a time. We don't, nor does my daughter, yet trust him as he is continuing to lie to the court here, and play silly mind games with her. He also had wanted my daughter to have to meet him in between. This is very scary to us and our daughter since he was very abusive to her, threatened numerous times to kill her and owns several guns. Once such incident is why we had to find her in a shelter in AL. The guardian ad lidem has also told my daughter that the court could force her to give him her telephone number. She now has no telephone. Everything now is calls through us. The guardian ad lidem then said she did not say that. Between my daughter and us, we have spent over $10,000 the past year on attorneys fees. This is more than my daughter made last year in income. And now with no money left for attorneys, she is still going to court to fight this person. Court is again scheduled for next Wed. We still don't trust this guardian ad lidem either. What, if anything can you recommend that would help us help our daughter when my husband and I show up in court next week without an attorney. We are so concerned about our daughter and twin grandbabies. I have read everything you put on the internet about stalking on this website and wanted to take this information to give to the judge. Is that permissable? Sincerely, Becky Schoeneck |
| Name: | stephanie |
| Comments: | I've been stalked by my ex for years,two years before we
were divorced and three years since the divorce. He has sent the children home from "supervised visitation " with the message that he is going to kill me. He is being investigated for battering the children. His supervisors are his current girlfriend and another woman who admitted under oath that she helped him violate my restraining order. He was convicted of felony stalking one month after our divorce was final but was only in jail for three months because the jail was overcrowed. I ran across country to get away from him but htis violated our parenting plan so he got an order to return the children to our home state and I,m in contempt of court and face the possability of losing my children to this wacko who has beaten three wives and now is engaged to number four. Is there help out there somewhere or do these monsters get to control our lives forever and devistate our children without being stopped? |
| Name: | Trudy Sutherland |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | RN4kids@home.com |
| Comments: | I was married for 14 months. The day after I filed for
divorce, I realized I was pregnant with our second child. He stalked me by way of Family Court for 14 years. Our case was on the docket 20-30 times per year, every year. His obsession was worth a lot of money to a lot of greedy professionals. The courts engage in retaliatory child theft if Family Court stalking victims complain. But I could not stand it anymore. I began complaining. He was awarded sole custody in the context of an interstate abduction. He has a prior conviction for child abduction. The case was not even on the docket. He took our two kids out of the country, and he is now stalking and battering our teen-age daughter. I have a permanent no contact order. There was no evidence against me. But if I bring her here, I can be arrested. Quite a nightmare. But I have accumulated a portfolio of other cases....all with the same patterns. If you are in San Diego, and you think you can escape a kook by filing for divorce, think again. This happens coast-to-coast....I only have documentation in San Diego. I will share what I have learned with anyone who needs the information. I can tell you who to avoid...for what that's worth. I cannot give advice. Who would WANT advice from someone who didn't escape for 14 years...Assuming he does not renew his efforts. However, this type of Family Court abuse is a House-of-Cards. It will soon fall. Especially if we talk to each other and help each other. |
| Name: | Leigh Anna |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | stalking_victim@yahoo.com |
| Homepage URL: | http://dencity.com/stalking |
| Comments: | Great site! I'm looking forward to the upcoming info.
As it is, my husband has stalked me since February, the month I left him and took our 7 month old with me. I left state, he found me, I flew to the other side of the country, and here I am, a fish completely out of water and living a life that's upside-down because my husband refuses to control his anger and enjoys the fear he puts into women. I'm actually victim # 2 on his list, but the first one accepted his apologies and last I heard, they still have a friendly thing going on. She has a daughter with him, she could have left it alone but she pursued it. He now has a new baby which he fathered during the last month of my pregnancy, as he was cheating with anything in a skirt. I am still sick to my stomach about that, but it's too late to put much thought into it. He threatened to take my son to Mexico, which is where he is from (and belongs!!!!!) and even chased me to Oregon, trying to exact revenge and grab the baby and run. I have called INS on him over and over, but they do absolutely nothing, even though he isn't a citizen, is up on 5 felony charges of stalking, and is a cocaine user and possibly seller (most likely is one. There's so much about him I still don't know) My site catalogs everything I could remember for my own personal info, and for others to look over and identify with. It really is such a prevalent crime these days, and the courts aren't doing enough to protect us and our dear children. they say we use our kids as pawns in an adult game, but the only one using them is the one who didn't give birth to them and threatens to kidnap them just to hurt us the way we've supposedly hurt them. I have no sympathy or understanding ear for any man who's abused his family in such ways. He is nothing more than a self-centered, sniveling little brat who didn't get the toy he wanted, or didn't get to keep it because he damaged it and treated it horribly, so he throws a tantrum and breaks everyone else's things to get even. THAT is what an abusive man is all about, and no one's going to convince me otherwise. They are the most self-centered, self-involved ppl out there, therefore the most dangerous. You bruise their egoes, they just kill you. It shows what a man they really are. While I was in Oregon, a 20 yr old woman's body washed ashore and it turned out that her estranged 25 yr old husband killed her, leaving her baby boy motherless and now fatherless. They are so intent on their own selves, they don't care what they do to their families, their children, anyone who stands in their way. As long as they get that last word in, that last punch, they just don't care. |
| Name: | Mom in CT |
| E-mail (can leave blank): | ctmom@thekidsandi.com |
| Comments: | Hi - I was, and still am, stalked by my ex-husband. The
court knows he has abused, stalked, and threatened to kill me and the kids - but he still 'is the father'. What can I do to protect myself and my kids? Crying in CT |