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| Name: | Angry |
| Comments: | I just read "Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation" post. No one needs to send a picture of themselves to another person on the internet and by all means do NOT send them money. A 10.00 "donation"? That sounds like a $10.00 surcharge to me. Donation my foot! And why on earth would you want your picture used on their website. I would never want my picture plastered ont he internet for others to gawk at and feel sorry for me, and heaven forbid, perverts to fantasize over while they read about rape experiences. Sorry but no one should respond to that post and I think the owners of this site should be protecting the members a little bit better. |
| Name: | Survivor |
| Comments: | I enjoyed reading the parable poem again, yet this is not by the person that is stated at the bottom, this is a very old poem that was written long long ago. Long before this site was created. You should really remove the name off the bottom and place " Author Unknown" |
| Name: | X |
| Comments: | Is plse 2 say i'v managed 2 resist the temptation of cuttin but wil b shortly passin out. Hopefully tis way wil get som sleep 2nite 4 once. I can feel a sore head in the mornin. It was worth it tho |
| Name: | KT |
| Comments: | is really struggling at the mo! it wud have been my baby's fourth b'day tis month, but all i have is the 'what if's' to cling to. i knw i cud never of lived with part of the d***khead that raped me always being part of my life. but it still doesn't stop me wondering what he/she wud be like now. what if this was my only chance, what if there was further complication wiv the miscarriage and i can no longer have kids, what if all the drinking did more harm to my body than i knw... i'm trying to luk forward to my hols wiv my best mate but worried bout sunbathing wiv all my scars on show. my friend knws that i've cut but dnt think she really knws to what extent. my close friends knws i'v cut but none have ever seen the scars i'v always kept them covered. my head is racing and can't make it stop, things are starting to bubble to the surface...feelings i thought i had stopped and they are happening more and more frequent again. i've tried to take my mind off it but there is only some much thing u can do at early hours for the morning.
i hope the 13 yr old is ok. plse put a comment on soon |
| Name: | KT |
| Comments: | in reply to message below. 7th june 2009.
i'm here if you need to talk. please don't feel like that about yourself and please take help. i know you think it wud hurt your mum and it will at first but it will hurt her more when she finds out how long it has gone on for and that she didn't realise and do something about it. i know people always say that mums always know there children but this is not always the case. i didn't tell my mum and she has still know idea to this day of anything i'v been through but i have a small group of close friends that i turned to. i was raped by a stranger and i'm glad to say i'v never seen him since. but with you, you have to deal with this everyday and you are dealing with it cos otherwise you wouldn't have come to this website!! please take it from someone who has to fight every single day not to cut it is a lot easier when you hav a friend or a teacher that knows just to keep an eye on you make sure that you don't go back to cutting. a smile from them when your having a bad day makes all the difference. if you can bring yourself to tell someone please do. the first few words are the hardest but only you know if you can. keep positive. thinking of you. x |
| Name: | it still goes on |
| Comments: | i am a 13 year old girl who was forced to grow up when my mom re marryed ... she will never know that it started off a nothing but turned to so much more, to the point were my school guidence councilers suspected but i had to lie and say no way ...but it as the truth!! i hate him i want to tell sombodyy but i cant ... it hurts so bad i want to die i am ashamed and embaresed and scared and i feel numb i get frozen i have learned to focus on a happy part of my room... that is my closet were i picture my self locked in it so he cant get in...so he cant make me do all the things i hate ...
i have gotten to the point were i cut my legs ... i do it so i know that i am in control and not just him i do it on the back of my knees to stop the thoughts...it dosnt work!!! somtimes i feel myself re .iving it over and over when i am at school .... i have this one teacher who i think suspects but still doubts i want to come clean and tell but it will breal my mommas hart so please help mee email me add me on myspace or face book just guide me |
| Name: | young and alone |
| Comments: | i cant survive it please help me its so hard and i want to come clean but it will tare my life even more appart...i have lied about it for so long ... i dont thinki could handle actualy ending it ...but thats all i want is to end it ... i have been cutting since the first time and hope to stop hopfuly this site will help |
| Name: | yorkiebrowne |
| Comments: | I would not have coped after I was raped if it weren't for this site. You are a godsend. I was raped 16 and a half years ago and I still have nightmares when going through periods of stress or change.
I never reported what happened and it took me 7 years to tell anyone but knowing that I was not alone when I finally did admit it made all the difference. I hope that everyone here realises they are not alone, and no matter what the circumstances they are not to blame for what happened to them. It is only natural to have "What if....?" moments but don't let thrm rule your life. Good luck x x x |
| Name: | KT |
| Comments: | re: hopeful (M). 23rd May 2009
hopeless and X are the same person. Me! x is when i'v had a drink, its easier than typing hopless. thanks for your support. i know things will get there eventually. its just really frustrating when you have good few weeks then bang you hit the brick wall. mind races and all you want to do is scream. i did fall back and cut again but only twice and they were not deep. i must make an effort to come on here when i'm on a good day and not just when i'm at rock bottom. a good friend said to me if i'm feeling low not to look what i have been through but at how far i'v come. and each day i will get stronger. i so glad my friend found me this website people give each other so much support. offer is returned - i'm here if you need me.x |
| Name: | hopeful |
| Comments: | re: Monday, March 23rd 2009 - 02:38:14 PM name x
re: Wednesday, March 4th 2009 - 01:55:21 PM hopeless I am in no way on expert on how to over come this shit bomb hand we were dealt, however I can offer hope to you both. It has been over ten years since I was raped by my cousins best friend and it is a work in progress to not hate myself for what he did, or to not cut. I can say I don't think of it every day as I used to, but sometimes it creeps up and won't go away. The truth is, ladies you can beat this, don't allow it to beat you. Again it is not an easy road and perhaps it would have been easier to have given up, Lord knows I have drank my way through numerous bottles in hopes that it would just go away. It doesn't, but it doesn't always rear it's ugly head in and win either. The best advice I can give is to let it hurt and piss you off, it should piss you off, but get up the next morning and take a shower and get dressed, head high and try believing in you again. When you can not see who you are or who you were, rely on your friends to show you. It is ok to ask for help. Secondly the cutting, you already know it doesn't work so when you want to cut, go for a jog or play poker on facebook or myspace or something. mindless shit to get your mind off of it. That too takes time and I don't always win that battle, but I try damn hard to not let him win. Good luck on this journey to re-finding yourselves, I am here if needed. *hugs* M |
| Name: | katie |
| Comments: | http://www.myspace.com/surviivorsandthriivers
I MADE A WEBSITE CALLED SURVIVORS AND THRIVERS. THERE ARE INFORMATIONAL BLOGS. YOU ARE NOT ALONE |
| Name: | X |
| Comments: | I thought i'd meet a normal bloke 4 once but yet again he he is like everyone else i dickhead that messes wiv ur head. I'm jst meant 2 b used. |
| Name: | DD |
| Comments: | I have been to Maytree it is a wonderfulplace and it saved my life,if you feel there is nothing left to try thenplease make one last effort and visit them I promise you wont regret it |
| Name: | Rose |
| Comments: | http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=73126758654
For those one face bok please join the above group and join the StopRape campaign. x |
| Name: | Courtney |
| Comments: | to steve and G
I am a brilliant writer and I have nothing to say. the truth is so much more than I can express |
| Name: | x |
| Comments: | Thanks, this site had been a big help :) |
| Name: | x |
| Comments: | help me plse!! i cant cope wiv tryin to fit in wiv everyone its not me. i can't carry on trying to be normal when i'm in bits inside!! i thought i was getting to grips with my life but i'm not. its so hard to keep a smile on my face its so hard not burst into tears. i thought i was over the panic attacks but i guess not!! i thought the thoughts of hurting myself had gone away but they have not. i really want to but i knw its wrong but why does it feel like the right thing to do???? why am i a freak why am i like this?? why does this continue to destroy me. [lse help me!!!! |
| Name: | FiFi |
| Comments: | Hello, it's nice to listen to all of you. I'm glad that the Higher Power pointed me toward all of you, because just a few minutes ago while my Bombay cat & my Snowshoe cat were cuddling/purring (curling?) me & my husband kept calling me all dayas I was sinking more & more deeply into depression & The Father with his howling Northern States wind kept howling outside at me "Talk to someone Fifi Talk to someone Talk to someone Fifi" while I kept saying back to Him while weeping tears "I don't want to talk to anyone I don't want to talk to anyone it hurts to live, Father, it hurts to live, living hurts," while Father just kept telling me to talk to someone, all of my cats usually fight but for the past 4 months they've given up fighting & just follow me around everywhere & sit next to around & on me & curl (cuddle/purr); it didn't Abba to just keep talking to me, the cats certainly didn't mind all their curling, so I went upstairs, took my epilepsy, medication, & came downstairs & found this site under "chat rooms for rape survivors. More later, y'all. I certainly hope that young man hasn't committed suicide. He needs himself a pet to love him & for him to take care of and to talk to. My half-Siamese, or meezers, converse with me. Anyways, I'll get back with ya, later. FiFi
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| Name: | Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation |
| Comments: | Help us help you and the millions of survivors throughout the world. Please take a look at our www.letgoletpeacecomein.org website and let us know who you are. After you have reviewed the website, we ask you to please submit a photo and caption and/or your story and let us know if you would be a survivor who needs the therapeutic sessions that this foundation is offering based on it's ability to raise the necessary capital. By your submission of a photo and caption we can put a face on the afflictions that we suffered, amass the “real” statistics to “effect change” and help future generations of children to not suffer as we did into adulthood. Most importantly we hope to help you in the recovery process. When you submit your picture and caption we believe that there will be millions of adults that will want to help heal the great grand parents, grand parents, parents, aunts, uncles, and friends that were effected by childhood sexual abuse by symbolically contributing $10.00 a month to one of the pictures that is posted so that we can start to turn the tide for us to heal and for future generations to be emotionally healthier.
You can mail your picture and caption directly to the foundation attention Ms. Gretchen Paules, or you can email your submission to gretchen@letgoletpeacecomein.org. We look forward to hearing from you. Warmest Regards, The Board of Directors Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation 111 Presidential Blvd., Suite 212 Bala Cynwyd, PA 19004 Ph: 610-668-9501 Fax: 610-668-9504 |
| Name: | x |
| Comments: | i almost lasted 12months wiv getting my life back on track but i can't cope with this anymore. i have tried to be the strong one for everyone else but can't support myself. it's not get any easier you would think that after 4 1/2 years it wud be by now. will it ever get any easier??!!! i have stop the flashbacks but why do i still blame myself, why do i hate myself fo what that d**khead did. i so wish i had died that nite!! it wud have been easier than continue exist like this. he stole my life that day what have i got left... from someone that needs help! from someone that wants help. x |
| Name: | Rose |
| Comments: | Hello all,
I am currently putting together a book of survivors stories, if you would like to hsare your story or even just a poem of list of emotions/thoughts then I would be very grateful if you could email them to me on rosannafraser@hotmail.co.uk I can print them with your name or anonymously. xxx |
| Name: | shabzzz |
| Comments: | I was raped and abused 2years ago my attacker walked away and ai leading a normal life.They say time is a good healer but I dont think so.Nothing helps,no one cares you just live in this hell forever. |
| Name: | Samia |
| Comments: | When I look in the mirror I see a million little pieces |
| Name: | killjoy |
| Comments: | Name: Renee Brideau
Comments: Was raped and hated it and now I blame everybody including myself Saturday, December 30 2007 - 04:43:42 AM |
| Name: | hopeless |
| Comments: | it's been nearly 12 months since i last put the blades to myself but its been really hard. i still have times were i want to but found it was hard to live myself having to tell my friend that i've done it again then it was to lock myself away for a few hours/ dsys until the thoughts passed. but recently its getting hard and hard to resist. i feel like i'm back on the slippery slope.. drinking has increased and nightmares have started. is my life going to a continually roller coaster of feeling control of my life and then back drowning under water, each time worse than the last. any advise on how to stay on one level somewhere in the middle??!! |
| Name: | Clair |
| Comments: | My nym is Clair, im frm jhb in S.A. Im an ophan wit n0 parents. My dad died when i ws 2 wks old in 1995 Sep 29. Killed by my step dad who ws shot n they took hm 4 2yrs in jail. My mum died in 1999 june 25. Afta dat my step dad usd 2 rape me everyday until in 2002 he usd 2 sel me 2 hs frnds. I knew nthn, i jst thot it ws da way of life. Then in 2005 dec 8, this other wife of one of da men who usd to rape me took me to a social worker. After my mum died, i wsnt suposd 2 play with oda kids. 2days after da woman took me 2 a social worker, he ws arested 4 a life sentence. They took me 4 counciling n nw i stay in a home wit a mum n a dad who treat me beta. MY MUM RUINED MY CARRER! I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE HER! Im 14 ryt nw, bt im promoted 4 tyms at skul n im in da 9th grd. I wnt 2 b a speaker in the parliament n hope it works out. |
| Name: | ANUJ GOYAL |
| Comments: | Motivation |
| Name: | Beth |
| Comments: | Thank you for this site :)
My family dont even know this so I feel the need 2 tell someone. When i was 16 (im 18 now) my boyfriend owed some money to a gang. Instead he decided to trade me in. I had no choice. I was raped and abused about 3 or 4 times a week for about 6 months before I managed to get the gang leader or pimp in court. They would capture me and torture me until I would agree to come and work for them, which I never will Everyday, its still a struggle. Everyday, im still tryin 2 find me a reason to get out of bed. I have an amazing best friend who helps me and holds my hand every step of the way, but i still fell really guilty as thats not really her job I never thought something like this would happen to me. I'm so scared of everything now and I feel like I should be over it by now as it has been 2 years feel like it has to be my fault in some way, otherwise who would do that? so ashamed desperately tryin not 2 self harm atm anyway thank u for a place to say all this... shall remember this in future thank u xxxx |
| Name: | Beth |
| Comments: | Thank you for this site :)
My family dont even know this so I feel the need 2 tell someone. When i was 16 (im 18 now) my boyfriend owed some money to a gang. Instead he decided to trade me in. I had no choice. I was raped and abused about 3 or 4 times a week for about 6 months before I managed to get the gang leader or pimp in court. They would capture me and torture me until I would agree to come and work for them, which I never will Everyday, its still a struggle. Everyday, im still tryin 2 find me a reason to get out of bed. I have an amazing best friend who helps me and holds my hand every step of the way, but i still fell really guilty as thats not really her job I never thought something like this would happen to me. I'm so scared of everything now and I feel like I should be over it by now as it has been 2 years feel like it has to be my fault in some way, otherwise who would do that? so ashamed desperately tryin not 2 self harm atm anyway thank u for a place to say all this... shall remember this in future thank u xxxx |
| Name: | Rohit |
| Comments: | Its pathetic to see so many women getting trapped into this henious crime that even the judicial system or law cant do much about it than make it more difficult for the victims. The trauma and the experience i'm sure must be devastating, one that shatters the confidence and worse still, for no fault of that person and that too for the only reason that shes a woman?
She is a friend, a sister, a mother, a wife and yet what is it that triggers the evil in the men I fail to understand. If they are f***** so desperate, why cant they just go f*** in a brothel. I feel sorry for something like this that happens everyday, somewhere and someone still suffers in silence and the world just ignores her cries. I only wish that someday justice would prevail when women have all the support to cut-off that d**k before it even starts thinking about commiting a shit like this. |
| Name: | Rohit |
| Comments: | Its pathetic to see so many women getting trapped into this henious crime that even the judicial system or law cant do much about it than make it more difficult for the victims. The trauma and the experience i'm sure must be devastating, one that shatters the confidence and worse still, for no fault of that person and that too for the only reason that shes a woman?
She is a friend, a sister, a mother, a wife and yet what is it that triggers the evil in the men I fail to understand. If they are f***** so desperate, why cant they just go f*** in a brothel. I feel sorry for something like this that happens everyday, somewhere and someone still suffers in silence and the world just ignores her cries. I only wish that someday justice would prevail when women have all the support to cut-off that d**k before it even starts thinking about commiting a shit like this. |
| Name: | Annalise |
| Comments: | Haven't had much luck finding such a good info! GREAT JOB! Visit us too: drive actor ... divx movie ... |
| Name: | Mama |
| Comments: | I just found this site, great info. nice place for peole to tell their story, and for others to see thay are not alone. My mother was raped as a child, and it affected not only her life but also the next generations because she had never told, or dealt with any of it.
I live in Canada , and wanted you to know that you even touched someone " across the pond" thank you!! My 5 yr old daughter was repeatedly raped and terrorized by an 11 yr old cousin, over a 2 mth period.Thankfully I saw a change in her and she was able to tell me what was going on, so it could be stopped. She has had counselling and seems to be getting thru it as best as someone can. Now a yr later i find myself having a hard time dealing with it all. The fact that he can't be charged ( under Canadian law),and has basically gone un punished, and that my family still welcomes him into the fold, with open arms,sickens me. Now its Mamas turn to deal with the rapes that affected my life. |
| Name: | I have no name |
| Comments: | I have just found this site - I don't know if it will help me - I am a survivor of multiple rape and torture - I sometimes wonder how I live with this - but somehow I just seem to fail at committing suicide - someone found me and now I think I hate that person - I wish I was dead and didn't have to live with the memories. |
| Name: | Zachary |
| Comments: | Wonderful and informative web site. I used information from that sites whats eating gilbert grape ... big jake ... its great. |
| Name: | joe18 |
| Name: | Kesaniya |
| Comments: | Hi Tiana, It has been 10 years since I came here to this website. It was too hard for me to continue being with you guys here after Maple's death. I was numb for weeks and then I stopped coming here for support. You, Paula, Kaet, Maple, Michele and others really help a lot back then. All of you survivors' experiences were inspiring stories that lead to my own surviving the sexual abuse experience when I was small.
p.s. RIP Maple. You were my hero and glad finally you're not hurting anymore. |
| Name: | kiita and sophie |
| Comments: | we are feeling reall bad we didnt read the comments first. please get through this. we realy hope that person didnt commit suicide, we read evry comment and they made us sad and think about how others feel. we get bullied, but we are dealing with it :D x speak soon lylal
englands wet!!! 10 days til xmas. 15.12.08 |
| Name: | kiita and sophie |
| Comments: | we are feeling reall bad we didnt read the comments first. please get through this. we realy hope that person didnt commit suicide, we read evry comment and they made us sad and think about how others feel. we get bullied, but we are dealing with it :D x speak soon lylal
englands wet!!! 10 days til xmas. 15.12.08 |
| Name: | kiita and sophie |
| Comments: | we are feeling reall bad we didnt read the comments first. please get through this. we realy hope that person didnt commit suicide, we read evry comment and they made us sad and think about how others feel. we get bullied, but we are dealing with it :D x speak soon lylal
englands wet!!! 10 days til xmas |
| Name: | sophi and kiita |
| Comments: | well hello there. we are in PSHCE and are very bored, so hi! |
| Name: | Terran |
| Comments: | I was raped in April of this year by my best friends boyfriend. I did exactly what I was always told to do. Go to the hospital, report it to the police, file charges. And what has come of it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. That piece of shit is still walking around free as a bird. Our judicial system is such a fucking joke. I don't even know why I put myself through this. I wish now that I would have just kept it all to myself. What I have gone through since the rape has been worse than the rape itself. And the thing of it is, is that if I ever do get to court, he will probably walk free. The worst of it all is that my best friend took his side and actually believes that I consented to having sex with him. My boyfriend left me because he could not deal with the fact that I had been raped. I lost two of the most important people in my life during a time when I needed more support than ever. sigh... people are shit. And no one gives a damn. Maybe I will just take justice into my own hands. I would like to cut his fucking dick off and watch him bleed to death for what he has done. I suppose that is not a very healthy response, but I would rather be angry than depressed. I don't know what else to say, I know I am rambling, I am just so fucking angry and tired of this entire situation. |
| Name: | Ricky |
| Comments: | Poem i wrote for my sister
Secret Of Red Hidden away in my best friends The ones I tell all paper and pen Beneath the cover all is said The only one who know my secret of red Pain and guilt built up inside Simply not seen by anybody's eyes Though not seen it's easy to find Simply skin deep Is this secret of mine Sharp at the edges Easy to cut I start at my wrist And then moved up It trickles down thick and slow This crimson liquid But nobody knows Trapped away are all of my thoughts With the razor that first did it And the boy that made me stop A little book Holding all of my secrets Some of them I tell While others it keeps them. |
| Name: | Heartless B1tch |
| Comments: | A terrible story that makes hard reading, but i'm so glad that i did because i can see now that i'm not the only one that has lived through something as hideous as this more than once. My only problem is that I blame myself for not reporting it sooner which meant that others had to suffer exactly the same thing as I did. Maybe one day, i may feel strong enough to add my own story |
| Name: | someone who is gonna do something |
| Comments: | i am planning to form agroup to hunt and kill pedos beeing a father myself i hate anyone who could even think of halming a child in anyway, so dont do anything stupid by killing yourselves and letting these sick fuckers win at least kill the evil twats who did this to you first so they cant do it to someone else make a difference they are the freaks not you (im a normal familly man who is sick to death of hearing stories of people walking free after doing un imaginable crimes burgalars get longer in prison for fuck sake , lets make em pay. appolagies for my spelling . lets do it lets get together they dont deserve to live the longer they do another child is at risk . |
| Name: | never forget |
| Comments: | this is my irst time on this site and never knew of it before otherwise this is what i could of used. i have been raped twice once when i was 10 years old and i never told anyone and never reported it,it caused me to bottle up all the horrid feelings which inturn caused e to have my first epileptic fit caused by stress and was on medication till i was 14 and my second assult which happened was with my chldrens father which i did report as i was so scared it would cause another fit for keeping it a secret and that done nothing the police couldn't press charges as there was not enough evience and still to this day no-one in my family knows and i found out a few years ago i found out my sister was abussed by the same person who did it to me when i was ten and it made me feel sick to the bones as she is two years younger than me i am now thinking about reporting it to the police now.as it still rules my life and i do still self harm by punching walls as its the only way i can get rid of my anger |
| Name: | X |
| Comments: | I'm hopin the person that posted bout commitin suicide didn't. As much as i'v hit rock bottom n tried myself twice. I'm so glad i didn't. The past few months i'v realised that the if i did go through wiv it i wud of hurt so many people. People that i'v helped me over the years. So i'm hopin that person also has the support if not tis website shud b! No matter what life throws at us we hav the support of other people that hav bn through the same! No one else wud understand but we do |
| Name: | malisha |
| Comments: | hey just checkin out the website |
| Name: | I will die tomorrow |
| Comments: | I am going to commit suicide. I am always being bullied. Since school, at work. No-one cares about me. I am insignificant in this world. I can't be bothered to live. Good-bye shitty world. |
| Name: | Melinda |
| Comments: | Hi.
I'll tell you right now that I haven't been raped. I'm scared.It feels strange. I am always trying to prevent such situations from occuring ever since my friend told me that she was raped. Im scared for her, too. I dont know what to do. I'm missing the other side of me. |
| Name: | Hopeless |
| Comments: | Does it actually get easier with time? I'm slowly runnin out of hope that it does. Its great to find people that understand. I'v hav a few close friends that hav help me loads i wudn't b here wiv out them but they never truly understand. I Dnt live i exist but I'v kind of got used to the fact a i'm in a bubble watchin everyone movin forward wiv their lives n me, i'm lost 4 years behind n wil never move on.... |
| Name: | Hopeless |
| Comments: | Tis website is the 1st I'v found that people actual talk bout what they hav bn through n its great. Dont matter how much u try 2 talk 2 ur close friends they never understand. And not that mean 2 but they make u feel that u r stupid. Its sort of calmin 2 knw that there r people that understand. I was raped 4 years ago n its not gettin any easier if anythin its gettin harder. Its like i'm not part of the world jst keep relivin the heart ache. Jst wonder is any of it worth it. Not sure anymore? |
| Name: | Charlie |
| Comments: | hi all. i was raped when i was 16 and im now 25. i used to use this site a lot when it was all raw. i just have to say to those who have recently been victim to a rape that in time it does get better to deal with it. it never goes away but it becomes something that you refuse to let define you. ive struggled since its happened, i developed an eating disorder and blame that along with some other crap thats happened since - thats a new battle that im determined to win!
love to you all. x |
| Name: | Sharon N |
| Comments: | It's been nearly three years since my second assault and nearly six years since my first. I am 21 years old. I have been just looking for other women to talk to, to reach out to, and be comforted. I am a survivor. |
| Name: | Jacqueline |
| Comments: | Thank you and thank you again, this had been a great comfort to me. It was good to see I was not alone. |
| Name: | Sarah |
| Comments: | I was abused many times
I was abused sexually and psychologically But I wont give up Coz only God can judge my life And im gonna stick and stay I am gonna be strong I am gonna face my life I am gonna continue Soon everything will be over And I will be free |
| Name: | katrina |
| Comments: | I thought i had recovered from my rape 10yrs ago but after losing a friend to a murder and suffered horrfic flashbacks and all the memories hate anger flooded back like a torrent of pain. I wa dianosed with PTSD and I have just had treatment i feel I have entered anew chapter in my life and positive and in control |
| Name: | JoeBorley |
| Comments: | i have no issues myself that need help however i have a girlfriend who has been raped twice and a best friend who i love with all my heart who has been abused in the past, i am on here to try and understand their problems better and maybe find somthing i can use to give them both support because they are both amazing people. |
| Name: | TK |
| Comments: | Hello, Im back again, I havnt visited this site for nearly 12months and what a rollercoaster it has been!! I have started back in the work place and I hate all the people around me!!! Im sick of them talking about their 'problems' e.g. not enough money to go and get drunk??? They have no idea what true issues are!!!
The ignorance of others is so hard to cope with, I have tried to explain my depression and anxieties to these people and they attacked my views because I can have a hard exterior (that is my coping mechanism). People that dont understand see this articulate, intelligent person, they dont see the 7 year old child that died inside along time ago! I wish this issue was understood more, if i had a limb missing people would understand that I had problems with day-to-day tasks. People can't see depression, and worse they don't believe it exists or dont recognise it as an issue/illness! These people are so cruel, they dont think there is anything wrong- I can't go on pretending that everything is ok anymore, Im crumbling inside, and they are taking pieces of me! Im sorry to have wasted your time, thank you for reading this, even if I am just being petty and bitchy. love and prayers TK |
| Name: | marketh |
| Comments: | I applaud to everyone who can talk about it and who faces up to it! I was raped years ago...now I´m 17..I thought that time should cure it, but I feel like it´s harder and harder! I still close my eyes and hear him, I still can´t sleep at night, I´m still afraid of touches! But it´s much more better to me know that here is anyone who really does feel as me..who is ashamed as me, who I could talk to..I live in the Czech Republic and here are really bad police, and I´m afraid of talking about it..and I still said never a world about it to anyone. I can´t speak about it..I don´t know what to do...I wish one day I wake up and be normal young 17 years old happy - completelly happy - girl..good luck to everyone, I wish you vanquish your struggle! |
| Name: | Tammiee |
| Comments: | Hi my name is tammiee. I read michaels story and was very suprised to know that people really do know how i feel. sound a little bit strange but i was also a little bit excited to know that there may be help for me out there still.
I have been self harming for eight years now and have tried to stop so many times i have been on many antidpresants and anti phsycotics none of which truly worked. It all started when i was 12 years old and somthing real bad happend to me. then a year later i lost someone close to me. then the year after that i met a guy a few years older then me who cheated on me and treated me realy bad and when i finished it with him i got whith another guy whom also treated me really badly and also used psyical abuse. Then last year i plucked up the courage to leave him it was tough as he had made me believe no one would love me and i was worth nothing. And last year my life took a turn for the better i met a really sweet guy who takes care of me and loves me for me. We went on holiday together had dates and i got pregnant finally my life was compleet i had everything i ever wanted a loveing partner and a baby on the way. Then on the morning of my first scan (3 months) which should have been the happiest day of myn and my partners life i started bleeding. I went straight to the hospital where the sonogropher confirmed my worst fears our baby was dead. i went home and sought sanity and comfort the only was i knew how by cutting myself. Two days later i was due in hospital to have my baby scraped out of me but ended up having a full labour on my own on the bathroom floor. then i lay there for what seemed like an eternity holding my dead baby. Again i sought comfort in cutting myself. Then 3 months later i was pregnant again. Again i was overjoyed, only this time i was scared and i should have been again i lost my baby. which brings me to now four months later. still cutting and still no baby. Sometimes i wish i could just end it all for good. but then i remember my family my freinds and my fiance. who i have just moved in with. I guess im just not ready to give it up yet but when i am i will. |
| Name: | Tammiee |
| Comments: | I am inspired to know that someone really dose feel like me. And maybe one day i can stop self harming before its too late. For me A MOMENT OF BLISS IS A SCAR ON THE WRIST. |
| Name: | dream_wth no_heartship101 |
| Comments: | Hi my name is Dream. I attend Marshall High. I am a rape victim. I was raped by my own father a year ago. To this day i take counseling. I have been abused for life. My innocents was stolen from me on February 23 3007. 1 day after my bday! I was a virgin when it happened! and after that day, i promised myself that I wouldnt give myself to boy or man. I am a lesbian. I have been since I was 14, I am now 17. I have attempted suicide 5 times but have failed. for any of those who fill my pain and would like to communicate somehow then you are free to email me at anytime.... my email is concieted_girl_101@yahoo.com!!!! Thanks for listening!
Dream |
| Name: | torn_n_2 |
| Comments: | Hi my name is ?. I would rather leave it unsaid...,.! I am a rape victim! I was raped when I nwas 16 and now im 17!!!! I has a baby by the cruel animal who dreads to be called a man!!! I love my daughter!!! But the circumstances make it hard for me!!!! I live in Chicago Ill. And i attend Marshall High....! |
| Name: | Beverley |
| Comments: | Hi I've just been on your web site to read up on self harm and suicide. I have self harmed for a while now and my suicide thoughts are becoming really strong. I try and find different ways to harm but my favouriate at the moment is a really hot shower. This never scares my skin but leaves prounced red marks on my body for hours.
I was abused when i was 14 and still to this day i have never told anyone. Sadly this repeated itself 6 years ago at the age of 24 and again i have never told anyone. I have carried this alone and i still feel that it has to be this way. I have proviously cut myself and left scaring and i have also starved myself to the result of loseing stones in weight. Sadly over the past couple of months things have been really bad. I hate myself so so much, i think that i'm selfish and ungrateful. I have fantaises that the next person walking past me in the streets will stab or shoot me, yes i know, getting someone else to do my dirty work. Pathetic in i!! I feel like i will have to live like this for the rest of my life, i honestly dont see a way out, only death. it's crazy. I dont know if i have done right by sending this e mail but then whats right anymore? Bev |
| Name: | Cristal clear |
| Comments: | hey i just felt the need to write on this but i duno why. its been 7 months, getting much stronger and even mangaged to go on holiday alone recently. im proud of myself. good luck to anyone else, we can ALL get through this! |
| Name: | nola |
| Name: | Rachel |
| Comments: | Hey all. It's been almost 8 years, seems so weird been that long. Doing ok and finally found someone to open up to and share my life with.
Although he is aware of what happened, he still doesn't know what to do when i get scared sometimes. He gets very confused and hurt, of course i am usually in such a bad way i can't explain it to him. as i know many of you will have experienced the same thing i was wondering if anyone knew any good websites/phonelines that provide support for partners. thankyou and blessed be. |
| Name: | Sheena |
| Comments: | This is for Roxanne,who left the last message!Dear Roxanne,as your young you feel embarassed,ashamed to tell anyone the suffering and torment through your daily life.Do not despair,you are not alone,If you try your hardest to get through the Evil and Torment that someone has given you to carry,you eventually will be peacefull with yourself,you never forgive or forget some Evil Monster who has inflicted this upon you,I was 5yrs young,my father Inflicted his ritualistic Evilness upon my tiny shoulders,I have grown,and had 4 children of my own,who I am immensely proud of.and have taken it upon myself to think..Didnt I do well?I am a Special,Good Heartd Person,who has respect for all,except Paedophiles!My Father still lives,and as a Caring Nurse and Human Being,I cannot wait until he,himself is judged,after all,God judges you by the Good and the Love that you give and show to all that is good in your life,try and do your best,and be a better person for yourself,You have done absolutely nothing wrong..Please do not torment yourself,as you are worth more,that that,I hope that your life from now on,will be good for you,it will not be easy,but life is what you make it,and what other people make it for you,You will not forgive and not forget,thats called being human,sendjing you my Love and Strength,Your Friend,Sheena(I have written a letter to this site,earlier,hoping that it may help or guide someone)May God Bless Youxxxxxx |
| Name: | Roxanne |
| Comments: | HI i really dont know what to write here but im going to try and hopefully will help me with my daily struggle to deal with my past which has affected my hole life. I applaud everyone who has the courage to speak out and deal with what has happend to them. xoxoxo. well im only 19 and i was molested when i was 5yrs old by my grandfather, i was to young to realised what had happened yet i told my grandmother who had raised me and it went to court and he got off even to this day it still haunts me thats he is still out there. I then went to live with my aunty in australia and was rape countlessly by my uncle even though i knew it was wrong i never said any thing even till this day. My daily struggle is so hard i am on so many different medications to help but i know the only way for me to deal with it is to talk yet im to scared and ashamed about everyone knowing that it has happened to me. In my early teen i have tried to commit suicide to get rid of the pain i alson became a cutter feeling the i dererved to feel pain and that it was all my fault. I have now realised that none of what has happened is any of my fault and i knw many others who have been through the same thing and yet i can offer them words of encourage ment yet i still cant let go of everything that has happend and it will ruin my life till i can finally learn to deal with my past. but a big thank you goes out to whoever opened this web site it has been a great help knowing that there is somewhere where i can talk and not feel ashamed because we are all in the same boat thanx ROxanne xoxoxxo |
| Name: | GFW |
| Comments: | Here are 2 excellent articles and a Psalm.
"Peaceful Heart: A Woman’s Journey of Healing After Rape" http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/peaceful.html and "Rape Trauma Syndrome:The Journey to Healing Belongs to Everyone" http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/journey.html Survivor Psalm I have been victimized. I was in a fight that was not a fair fight. I did not ask for the fight. I lost. There is no shame in losing such fights. I have reached the stage of survivor and am no longer a slave of victim status. I look back with sadness rather than hate. I look forward with hope rather than despair. I may never forget, but I need not constantly remember. I was a victim. I am a survivor. © Frank Ochberg, MD & Gift From Within |
| Name: | Ree |
| Comments: | i was molested by my older brother from age 5 to 11... i havent told anyone about this. i am ashamed and sometimes feel as though i was also at fault for not telling my mom. it still eats me up inside everyday and i think about it constantly. i still feel like that lonely abused little girl.
reading all the other entries makes me feel less alone.. i hope to one day have the courage to tell my mom about what happened to me right under her nose. much love! |
| Name: | Amy Warren |
| Comments: | it's nearly been a year since i wrote on the dreambook and the reason i'm writting today is because it's nearly been three years since my attack and i am still really struggling to move on. so last year i wrote a letter and am desperate to send it to make more influential people aware of what happens to innocent victims of rape! i would really appreciate it if anyone could tell me where to send my letter so i can try and help make a differnce to all the people who have been a victim of rape, assault, harresment, paedophillia etc. any ideas and/or addresses?
thankyou x x x x x |
| Name: | Ravi R |
| Comments: | I heard it is an excellent site |
| Name: | Jean |
| Comments: | hi to everybody, for all your very sad accounts of what has happened to you, i say accounts as i hate using the word stories as it sounds like your making the whole thing up.i feel like i need to tell you that i was sexualy abused from the age of 8 till i was 10 by my uncle i found the strength in 2006 when i was 34 to bring it out in the open it took 2yrs for it to come to court but i was shocked but ilated when he was found guilty of 7 counts of child abuse including rape he was sentanced to 26 yrs but only has to serve 12.i just want to say to other wimen out there that these perps out there can be brought to justice.1 less out there roaming the streets!!!!!!!!! |
| Name: | a survivor in the making |
| Comments: | Im keeping a blog just now of my "fight" trying to survive now while im doing therapy and opening up of my past,
its an honest account of how things are day to day and week to week, and i write what comes into my head, no second drafts,i dont read it as i know id deleate it, im sure im not alone in the feelings so if you want a look to know you arent alone too then please do any comments are welcome http://survivorinthemaking.blogspot.com thanks |
| Name: | Tiana |
| Comments: | Survive notelets are now available. £3 per pack of 4 including P&P.
http://www.survive.org.uk/cards.html All monies raised by the sales of the cards will go directly to Survive, to help with the cost of web hosting, the production of educational resources, ie leaflets and fact sheets, and towards broadening the Survive support network. |
| Name: | Tiana |
| Comments: | Ani- Re your suggestion about notelets with the survive logo. It's a good suggestion, and I'm looking into it. Will let you know when they're ready. Take care everyone. |
| Name: | Emma |
| Comments: | Its been awhile since I visited this site, I was doing ok I think, it feels too much today. My friend keeps askinh what Im struggling with., what do I say? Just abit lost at the minute. It will pass I guess xx |
| Name: | Ani |
| Comments: | tonight I feel such despair.
I know tomorrow is another day and i will go on. rape is such a painful and for so many of us a private pain. It is heartening to read of so many survivors and yet depresssing that this crime goes unrecorded and unrecognised. How i want to do more yet feel disabled. This web keeps me in touch with others who feel like me and for this i am grateful. |
| Name: | Sharon |
| Comments: | Whenever I'm feeling at my lowest, I'll visit this website. And I guess I must really be my lowest now, because I'm leaving a message. I was raped at the age of 15 by my boyfriend. It was the first time I had had sex. Before this he used to hit me on a regular basis. After the rape I stayed in the relationship for a further two years, then he ended it. I buried the incident for several years afterwards, telling myself it didn't matter. Then I became more aware of how important it had been, told a few people. It happened nearly twenty years ago and during all that time I've tried so hard to beat it. Tried to reverse the effects that it had, the depression and feeling of numbness it left me with. But I've yet to succeed. It's felt like a prison sentence for the whole time, and I'm so exhausted. It feels too big for me to beat, and too intangible for most people to understand. I don't want to leave a negative message, I guess I'm here to say that I appreciate all that goes into the site, and I'm not giving up x |
| Name: | anne |
| Comments: | I was hurt a few days around this site has helped me a lot thank you |
| Name: | Ani |
| Comments: | I continue in my quest for justice for the sexual abuse of my disabled daughter and 2 others known to me.
Awareness is a huge part, and the xmas cards you produced were a good tool for me. I would welcome more of these in the form of notelets which I would use in the endeless letters i write. Is this a possibility, different front, blank inside with logo either inside or as before on the back. What do you think Tiana |
| Name: | c.appleton |
| Comments: | im a self harmer and found it helpful appleton.c@merseymail.com thankyou xx |
| Name: | She |
| Comments: | Anyone who visits this site...I understand.I dont how you feel,If u need my guide,leave a message here/She |
| Name: | CloeI |
| Comments: | I was abused from age 7-17 by my cousin and ended up pregnant although i had a miscarriage.I've never soken about what happened and sometimes find life difficult though i'm a bit better and am now doing GCSE's ' college. Cloe |
| Name: | She:-) |
| Comments: | I hope that my short mail left in the guestbook has helped some lost little Soul,maybe unleashed some feelings,The Mental torture of a Child,A Human Being,carrying such a terrible Burden upon Tiny Shoulders can be,so unbearable and difficult to Comprehend...Why!...and maybe asking yourself Why Me????God gives us as much as we can carry,and a Child,carrying such torment,was put on this Earth to grow ito a Special,Loving,Caring Human Being,With Respect for others who are tortured with their Memories of Abuse,I admire anyone who can take The Biggest Step in their lives to share their Story withg someone who understands,You are not alone,you are not by yourself,you are in my dreams and thoughts as I lay my head on my pillow,My Love is with you my Special Friends,May God Bless You,and guide you into becoming a Lovely Human Being....Your Friend!Shexxxxxx:-) |
| Name: | She:-) |
| Comments: | *****TRIGGER WARNING**********
Talk of child abuse ******************* I was Raped and Tortured by my Father from the age of 5 until 11,I have grown up with difficulties in understanding how a Human Being could do such a Terrible thing,especially to a child that they have created for this world!!I was riuch pickings for my Father as my brother was sent to boarding school,as a little girl I used to have to plan how to stay out of the house for as long as possible to diverse what I knew was waiting for me!A Drunken no Good Father,Smelling of Ale!My mum is Lovely and didnt know a thing!A pretty Little Girl with Big Green Eyes and Red hair,pleading with my Mum to stay at my Lovely friend Lindas and her family,never belonging to my own Family,Never speaking a word,always a Happy little thing,trying to please and make people laugh at me.Not understanding or confronting my Father until I was 23,I grew up Hating him ,wishing he was Dead!What he had done was with me until I died,or maybe until he died!He had remarried remarried,and I was about to get married,going to his house and speaking to him to tell him I didnt want him to give me away,and for the reason why!!No one else knew,I had Four Children,who I am so proud of:-)Feeling guilty when they got in bed with me,Feeling guilty when I bathed them,Feeling guilty when I changed their nappies...Why would someone do this to me?I am 47 now and Think about it every day!I accomplished Training as a Nurse,and have been in the profession for 28 years,My Father unfortunately still walks this earth,I am not a wiked person but I cant wait until he dies,I shall open Champagne at his Funeral and make sure that he goes down that Big Black Hole,To Hell!!I have passed him in my car and Thought of running him over,but I wouldnt want his blood on my hands!He had to move address as hes done this to others....Yes other victims,maybe if Id of said something...But I had no one and was constantly threatened and terrified,How can he walk with a smile on his face,My Children know,they dont know him Thank God,I hope his Balls fester and he has the most painfull death going,as a Caring Nurse I would willingly put a pillow over his head,to save others from Misery!I know this sounds daft, but when it snows my kids and I are going to throw a Large Boulder through his window,with a note attached reading PAEDOPHILE!Any Paedophile who has Therapy doesnt go to get cured,as you cant cure a Sick and Evil Mind!They go for Company,Because they share a Bond!To Destroy the Pure Innocence of a Child!I have turned out Great considering!!!!!Although I do carry this with me!I reported him to the Police,he was arrested and read out my 14A4 size sheets of Abuse,of which he denied and said I would never do that to my Daughter,I Love my Daughter!!How sick!A common Trait in Paedophiles saying they would never do that!!And yes!I do beleive in God.My Father will not be allowed through the Pearly Gates,He can Repent all of his sins until Doomsday,The only thing waiting for him is The Grim Reeper!!Hoorah!For all those Paedophiles who get their cum-uppence in Prison!And God Bless any Child who has the Courage to tell someone who Beleives in them!I Hope I have helped someone with this note,Love and God Bless,signing off In TearsxxxxxxShe:-) |
| Name: | Shelley |
| Comments: | Hi. I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I'm working on a book about recovery from sexual abuse. I'm doing this totally independently (sitting at home on my computer) so I can't promise a great best-seller or anything, but I would like input from people.
My aim is to write a relatively short book, focusing on coping strategies we use as adults. At the moment, there are books specifically for survivors, such as “Courage to Heal”, but these go into a lot of graphic details of abuse and can be quite disturbing to read. There’s also general self-help books that are a bit more uplifting, but aren’t aimed at survivors. My idea is to combine the two, and make a “self-help” book for survivors which is positive and informative, but doesn’t include upsetting descriptions of abuse. It will mostly deal with the coping strategies that we use now as adults. I’d like to use my own experiences and those of other women to put together ideas which are easy, practical and have actually worked for us. I am also trying to make the book fun and humourous (without being offensive, of course.) What I would really like to know is what has been most helpful to you during your recovery process? |
| Name: | tiana |
| Comments: | Yes, I do find this time of year very difficult to cope with. You're not alone in feeling this way. |
| Name: | ... |
| Comments: | Does anyone else find this time of year really hard? |
| Name: | tiana |
| Comments: | I'd just like to thank all who've left messages in my guest book in 2007. It's sad to see so many in pain and having gone through some difficult experiences. However, for those of you who can't see the end to the hurting, I'd just like to reassure you that it does get better eventually. But, it takes time and hard work. Don't give up hope.
Take care, and i wish you all a Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and safe New Year. |
| Name: | Renee Brideau |
| Comments: | Was raped and hated it and now I blame everybody including myself |
| Name: | Nikki |
| Comments: | I really thought the stories i read were very helpful and encourging. |
| Name: | Andy |
| Comments: | Hello,
It is a well written description. Better than most on the same subject. Could use extra stuff like to tips on how to avoid feelings of derealisation? |
| Name: | Brad |
| Comments: | There's always going to be that sense of protection - self protection - when you're in a place of fear, guilt, pain, whatever. I've always seen when people reach out, it's always difficult for them to do so, but they're more often than not been happy with the results.
I don't think you can just reach out to anyone, or to everyone, but those people in your life that you *more* than trust, those friends in your life, you trust for a reason. Go at it alone if you feel you have to, but at some point you'll need someone in your corner and there are people, friends, that are there for you and won't look at you any differently. Good luck. Remember, it's not your fault! And also always remember, don't beat on yourself if you find yourself smiling. There will always be reasons for happiness, no matter the sadness you come from. |
| Name: | Sierra Austin |
| Comments: | hey i'm so sorry that, that happened to you.Well I'm sitting here doing a research paper on rape and i came across your story. |
| Name: | Alex |
| Comments: | I came across this site whilst looking for inspirational quotes and have read some of the entries. The only piece of advice I could offer is that, for your sake and others, let no one away with this horrendous crime. Report it now - if you can't do it alone, then trust in someone and get them to help - there must be someone to whom you can turn - be sure that they are strong enough to help you be taken seriously and treated with dignity. Good luck! |
| Name: | martanni |
| Comments: | Have bought the xmas cards.As the mother of a a victim I can and do talk about this,those with first hand experience ar rarely able to or indeed given the opportunity or support to do so.I hope that these cards will alert people to this hideous crime which far too often goes unreported unrecognised and the perpetrator not penalised.
We who are able, must be the voice of victms to achieve changes in the law. Buying these cards is a start. To all the victims out there, may you heal and move on to love yourself, and be loved. |
| Name: | white dove |
| Comments: | Dear Survive web viewers,
It makes me so sad to see this sight. I have been raped several times but there is no need to share the details. Everyone here knows how much pain, sadness, fear and anger comes from rape and how you cannot ever 'just get over it'even though people who have not been raped will expect you to 'bury the past'. This will sound extreme but it is the truth of the matter: What makes me angry is that there are hundreds of rape victims everywhere, in Eastern Congo, all over Africa, Europe, America, Asia... and no one (police, authorities, government etc.)NO ONE ever really does anything to STOP RAPE. Only women seem to understand eachother (and not even all of them) and most men just ignore the issue but until everyone (men and women, especially those wielding power) acknowledge the problem nothing will happen. RAPE is a deeper societal problem: look at the porno industry, porn stars resemble singers, actresses (Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie, the list goes on) and everything in this world seems to boil down to selling SEX, selling especially female SEX, (sexy women, breasts, buttocks, legs etc). SEX does sell, peopleuse sex so other people will buy cars, fridges, phones or trophy wives. Too much SEX is making our world sick, too much money is spent on the sex industry (the billions Playboy etc make) and not enough money is spent on noble causes (famine, stopping rape, ending violence, curing diseases)... SEX is everywhere, on TV, on the internet, in magazines, in the way people look at you, in the way women are encouraged to be sex objects by wearing mini skirts etc. and then women get blamed -very often- for being raped. RAPE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL THIS SOCIETY CHANGES deep within.... and this may never happen |
| Name: | Leona |
| Comments: | People say it'll get easier with time, but it doesnt.
i feel like it's getting harder and harder to cope, i was raped a few years ago and for the first few years i found i could just put it to the back of my mind. Now its all i can think about. Not sure how to get back to just being me. |
| Name: | Emma |
| Comments: | I am trying to deal with this on my own I cant do this much longer its too hard. |
| Name: | Nicole |
| Comments: | I was sexually abused as a child and i have yet to tell anybody the truth. I'm just not stong enough. The shame and guilt is too great and it doesn't help that my abuser is still around. I'm about ready to give up but i want to survive this. I have so many dreams. |
| Name: | Rose |
| Comments: | I felt very unsure about how I was supposed to ‘move on’ and ‘get over it’ when every time I got undressed I’d see the scars, every time I had something to eat I’d imagine him in my mouth, every time I saw broken glass I’d remember him forcing shards of it inside me, but I just knew that I should be doing better that I was taking too long dealing with it all, that people were bored of listening to me moaning about it, of course none of that is true but that is how I felt.
Just keep going though, keep going. x |
| Name: | emma |
| Comments: | he raped me last weekend and I dont know what to do |
| Name: | Me |
| Comments: | I have never been raped or known of someone close to me that has. In short, I can't imagine what you all had to go through or will continue to go through in regards to your emotional state. All I can say is that I hope God is with you and those close to you.
You're all in my prayers. |
| Name: | martanni@hotmail.co.uk |
| Comments: | My beautiful learning disabled daughter was the victim of atempted rape at Camphill Blairdrummond in Scotland.Despite her attacker being caught in the act, staff put her back to bed alone, did not contact family till the next day, the police for 3 days.Police took thre months to interview the suspect, during which time he was caught assaulting two other women.He was not prosecuted for my daughter as she cannot speak yet the other two women received justice last week. The discrimination here is blatant yet no one at Blairdrummond has ever been held responsible.She lost everything, and they said they did not want to make a fuss. |
| Name: | jane |
| Comments: | i was raped 24 years ago, and thought i was coping well with it i was raped by my boyfriends best friend, who thought it would be a good laugh to do what he did, and then brag about it to my boyfriend who also laughed at the visit from the police, didn't laugh much at the station though. ( you can aprreciate he was dumped), but as i said i thought i was coping well until attending a lecture on breakaway techniques and self defence ( i'm a mature student nurse), one of the two actors played a character who was being nursed at home, and who would not take no for an answer, this brought it all back to me again, and i did not really aprreciate just how raw the wounds still are even after all these years, in the end i had to leave the classroom and explain to my lecturer afterwards why i had left. though i have a very supportive partner, i feel that he does not always understand why i get so worked up about it, he does apprecaite though what happened, happened and nothing acan change that, i may have been just 14 years of age when it happened but i have no intention of letting my daughter go through it too. So when she is older she will be taught self defence. |
| Name: | redhawk |
| Comments: | I am an incest survivor. I was 2-10 years old. I did not speak for two of those years. I have had therapy but I still get massive waves of sadness that are hard to live through. Does this happen to anyone else?
I have been diagnosed with PTSD and attachment disorder. |
| Name: | Lane from thecru |
| Comments: | I am a survivor with mpd/did. Whose dreambook is this. |
| Name: | ellen |
| Comments: | I was raped 14 years ago today. I keep trying to forget the date as I don't want to spend the entire day reliving what happened. Sometimes I pretend I don't know when it is or try and convince myself it's tomorrow but it's no good. I feel so weak for still caring 14 years later but I can't help it. I don't like feeling that he won.
However, it has got much better than it was and I'm with a great guy now who means the world to me. There is hope out there you can't ever forget what happened but you can learn to deal with it. |
| Name: | TandCrew |
| Comments: | We just found this site are are taking a look. |
| Name: | CG |
| Comments: | i feel dirty and sick even writing this. it feels like i imagined it, maybe it never happened but i have vivid memories. the sound of his voice, the excruciating pain, the scrubbing in the hot bath, i feel alone. tainted and utterly alone. |
| Name: | Liz |
| Comments: | Hi, I was sexually abused for 8 years as child and it took me years to get over it...now I am 23 and had for the most part moved on with my life, until a party nearly a year ago that changed everything again. I was raped and find myself reliving the past over and over again.....can there be healing again?? |
| Name: | nothing |
| Comments: | nothing |
| Name: | ALI |
| Comments: | ASK THE SURVIVE WHAT ELSE IN THIS WORLD 00982166362535 PENTALAX.ALI@GMAIL.COM |
| Name: | ali |
| Comments: | hi i survive at nightmare every thing not result 00982166362535 pentalax.ali@gmail.com |
| Name: | Rose |
| Comments: | It does get easier well, perhaps not easier, but certainly less oppressive- - just keep going!!x |
| Name: | Kat |
| Comments: | Hi Guys!!
Well I was raped when I was 21, and was gang raped when I was 27! I am 34 now and I am finding it really difficult to move forward, I still live in the past, everything reminds me of the rapes, I have put alot of weight on since it happened and now cause I am fat whenever I look in the mirror I see my attackers looking back at me as it is cause of them I put weight on! Wil it ever get better!!! I hope so! |
| Name: | Billie |
| Comments: | I am 18, i live in a small town in southern kentucky. i was raped for 12 years by a man who was supposed to be my father thank you for helping me throughout this time! |
| Name: | caz |
| Comments: | this is an amazing website. Keep up the good work.
I was raped 6 years ago and I thought I was dealing with it all but it has come back with avengance. I now suffer badly from panic attacks, nightmares and flashbacks that take over and make me pass out. I have now found a person that is here to help me to support me but most of all to understand me and even though some days are very hard, some days are hard and other days I just survive I am a survivor and thats what counts. We are all survivors and we should all stick together and be there for one another. May each and everyone one of you that find this web site find peace and find the right path back to happiness. Stay strong!!! |
| Name: | K |
| Comments: | I was sexually abused from the age of 7 - till i was 12 then off and on until last december when the same person came back and raped me again, got me preganant and then i misscarried just to add insult to injurie... im 17 now.. all i have ever known is him and the pain
sad but true.. |
| Name: | tiana |
| Comments: | I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who has left messages in the survive guestbook. I read each and every one of them, and appreciate what you all say. It saddens me that so many have sad stories to tell, and so many are struggling. But, it does and can get better.
Time is a great healer, and there is truth in the old saying "no pain no gain". It's not easy; it's really hard to go through this, but everyone of you have the strength inside of you to deal with it, and take control of your life, and start living it again. Take it one day at a time, and eventually you will see the light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter and wider, till one day you notice that you can laugh and enjoy things, and actually feel alive once more. Hang onto that thought. Take care, and remember you're never alone. |
| Name: | Jeangeniex |
| Comments: | Does anyone else suffer constant tension headaches? Mine has lasted years now and doctors say it is all down to the experiences i had as a child. |
| Name: | li'l miss incest |
| Comments: | There are days I wonder why - through all the beauty there is in life - I would wish to spend a moment on those evil things and let them even relive in my thoughts and give them space and time - when life is so beautiful - and earth so filled with compassion
But within that space a moment comes for all - within that journey to know that even then beneath it my heart is cold as ice, I shy away from any loving hand and run away from the warmth of being - damaged - like an uncaring, cool breeze i saunter - distant and unable to open up my heart to say this and this alone - I love you my friend and my heart is yours... And you have opened to me a path - I have opened this page now and I know within this ocean so blue I will find warmth and succour and the healing I need to move from surviving damaged and unable to give and share in the same normal way - shy and terrified - to being - I'll wear it like a badge, a scar, my name in my lonely heart. Li'l miss raped. |
| Name: | sammy |
| Comments: | i was raped nearly 8 years ago and i am still struggling to cope. my son was born on the 2nd anniversary of the rape. i self harm most days as it makes me feel better. this site has been brilliant for me as ive never received any professional support and it makes me realise im no the only one and that im not just some kind of wierdo! |
| Name: | Destinee |
| Comments: | I'm 17 yrs old and I was raped 3 weeks ago. This site has helped me to understand things a little more. I was also sexual abused from the age of 3 til i was 12. I have had a lot to deal with and the rape has made things worse. I'm just trying to undestand the " whys " of everything. This site has done a lot for me though to kind of undestand that I'm not alone and there are people out there who have gone through the same thing. It's a definate inspiration and it lets me know that I can survive this event and move on with my life.
Thanks. |
| Name: | melanie |
| Comments: | The Sum of Mel's Experience Is Not Her Essence.
I had all my life ahead, And only happiness behind. I knew just where to tread, And exactly what I'd find. In a flash, everything changed, The path of my life was rearranged. I made the choice for you to leave, "It's all ok" - I tried to deceive. Then it's dark - maybe a dream, Pain, shame, bleeding. Feeling unclean. I was beaten and bruised, torn and broken, Of all these things I had never spoken. "Where's the smiles, laughter and figure? Why are you getting bigger and bigger? This is wrong - I have no doubt. But I'm so far down, I cant see a way out." I helped you all to grow and thrive, Couldn't you see I wouldn't survive? Then there was nothing left to give, I made the decision. I chose to live. Now I'm back, I'm here. Look at me! I laugh, I cry, I'm finally free. I feel it now, in all your presence. The sum of my experience is not my essence. From Mel (raped by fiance 7 years ago, and repeatedly beaten for 8 years before and after the rape) |
| Name: | Ania |
| Comments: | Raped 1yr. and 5mo. ago |
| Name: | mightsurvive |
| Comments: | I can't express how much help ths site has given me. I've read everything that I can cope with at the moment and this site has saved my life. I felt so alone before. I still do but slightly less. The way I see it only one of us will survive and I refuse to be the one who doesn't survive now that I've found your site. I have thoughts of going back to haunt him and hurt him badly. I'd never kill him, that would be an easy get out for him. I nearly died when it happened so I know what it can feel like. If I went to prison for that it would ruin my life, but hey, that already happened and things can't get worse than they already are. I don't think the police can help. Even if he was convicted it would never be enough for me. I do have a conscience. I don't want to make him suffer because I know I'm a good person but if I don't then I don't think I can survive this otherwise. I feel I have 2 choices: become as evil as him or die. Dying would be my easy option but I refuse to let him win. I need help so badly. I promise I'm not going to do anything until I have my head straight and can make a sensible decision. I don't think I could go through with it anyway now that I've calmed down a bit but if I were to do anything, I don't think my marriage would last. At the moment that's the only thing I've got left to hold onto and I'm worried it won't last anyway. My husband doesn't seem keen on having lengthy conversations about what I'm going to do about it. He says he's not bothered and it's in the past but he's never been able to talk openly about his feelings, who can blame him though after such news.
Anyway, Thankyou so much for this wonderful site. It has saved my life today and I have no doubt that it has saved countless others. I intend to contribute in the future so I can do my best to help others but right now I'm not in the right place to do that. I have the utmost respect for Tiana and all of the other contributors, whose articles I've had time to read. Especially the article When you feel you can't go on and the information on date rape. might survive |
| Name: | Deb |
| Comments: | Reading the entries on your site I know I'm not alone. Going to court on 23rd July (next week) against my attackers. It's only taken me 25 years to do something about it. Whatever the outcome I had to do something, doing nothing wasn't working. I'm scared stiff but I don't feel I have a choice. I have to at least try. Evidence this late after the event is very slim pickings so it's going to be my word against theirs, I think.
Police have been very supportive and being believed is a huge thing for me so I've already got something out of it. Also I think I held onto the events of that night knowing on some level that I would need to recall them one day. Making my statement to the police released me of them in some way, although I still need to hold on until after the trial before I fully let go of them. I'll be thinking of all of you out there when I go to court next week. Keep me strong x |
| Name: | inner peace |
| Comments: | I have been to this site off an on for the last 8 years. It was that long ago since I was raped (it's still hard to say) by a "friend." It was often times all I could do to come to this site where other people knew how I felt and had the lost feelings that I have had. Although my friends that I told were supportive they would never know how it felt and I would never want them to know. I am no longer in that place where he controls my thoughts and haunts me. I have since learned that I are not my past. He is a creep and deserves nothing and I have not and I don't think I can forgive him, but I do know that he no longer has a hold over me. I am not my past and I am love. I hope this helps in the healing process as I heal every day and the pain slips away. It will always be a part of me, but it does not control who I am or who I can be. We are stronger than the word rape and we are a million times stronger than the men who took a piece from us that day. I hope you all can find your peace and know that is does get easier. |
| Name: | Hopefull |
| Comments: | Heart questions
forgive me father for i have sinned but i had to break the silence fo all the bad things they have committed only you can forgive and forget and only you can provide me with answers why me???????????????????????? the question i keep asking the question i'll be asking 10 yrs later hoping to get an answer right now no reason is good enough i wont throw in the towel now i wont shed the tears now coz i have put it in y heart both sides that God is on my side but never forget i can not forget that day my life changed and the future will never be the same again |
| Name: | Daphne |
| Comments: | I think that if many young women could visit your website they will not only find healing but also help on how to prevent future similar tragedies |
| Name: | I don't want you to know |
| Comments: | I am 12. I am a girl and I feel alone. I just made random incisions on my thigh today. the pain feels wonderfull. I have also scratched myself with a pin on my wrist. if you cut your thigh your oarenst don' notice and it hurts more. thats what my now ex-boyfriends friend told me. and he was right. my parents don't know and I don't want them to! they'll think I'm crazy! i can only tell my friend Brandi because I know she won't think I'm crazy and she won't tell she will over look my many flaws ad try to help me. my Friend Samantha I don't want to tell because she said if I cut she wouldn't want to be my friend. my freind eithne has a worse case of cutting than me so she won't help but I feel good talking about it with her because we have the same problem. I would like to tell my teacher (my dumb school doesn't have a guidance counselor) but they are obligated by the law to tell my parents about it! and I don't want my parents to put me in a hopital thats like a prison. yes, I have read many thinsg about those places. they would think i'm suicidal too. hated theorpy. they are stupid, those theorpists! "and that makes you sad?" OFCORSE IT MAKES ME SAD! ARE YOU BLIND! I"M CRYING MY EYES OUT HERE! they don't get it. they pretend to know how you feel when they don't have any idea. I want to find one of those websites where I can talk to people with the same problem but I can't find one really! please. |
| Name: | waiting |
| Comments: | i was in a controlling and manipulating relationship (also raped throughout but it took a while to realise) for 15months. 10 months into the relationship we broke up i believed he was cheating on me 2 weeks after beaking up he was IMing me telling me he needed a f*** needed 2 f*** me no one else needed it right there and then. half hour later he came round i let him in thinking he was coming to talk i was in the bath he got in tried to touch me i said no he got moody got out i got out put a towel round me he led me into the bedroom and raped me. it wasnt violent but i cried so heavy and loud saying no no no i dont want to be a f*** i dont want this. he stopped "what you crying for your putting me off!" then continued to rape me when he had finished he got up and left. 6 weeks later we got back together where he continued to rape me every saturday night when he had taken drugs, no escape. 6 months later we broke up. he stalked harrassed and threatened me i reported everything to the police and gave them a copy of that IM message from all those months ago he was arrested and his bail ends in july by which time he will have been on bail for 21 weeks. in this time i have also found out that 17 years ago he raped a 14 year old girl which he was let of for due to lack of evidence. he has a record as long as his arm for violence towards women. so i have written evidence that he wanted to F*** me (his words not mine) written evidence for rape i see it as. i pray this goes to court if not he will no doubt kill me and my daughter or at the very least make are lifes so bad we will wish we were dead. can the CPS refuse to take on a case where there is written evidence of what he wanted to do and with his history or am i going to be left feeling like i have been raped all over again that same sick heavy feeling that i felt all through that awful 15months |
| Name: | letter writer |
| Comments: | Frustration builds, deep inside, so deep- growing inside. Building up, threatening to erupt, burning in a hot tunnel of dismay. No one knows. All alone, and no one knows. Humiliation complete as I shake and sob and scream and pray for help, pray for release. And cut and I am STRONG. Pop to the surface, glass beads of crimson, beautiful beads pop to the surface and wait, before rolling down the skin trickling down the skin in a line of ecstasy, and I am FREE. There is something inside me other than him, and every drop proves to myself that I am ALIVE and part of this earth and this pain is real and anyway I deserve it, deserve to feel bad and violated and the crippling shame that overwhelms me as I gape in horror at the marks across my skin and realise what it is I have done, and I am WEAK. |
| Name: | Mum |
| Comments: | I was sexually abused when I was a child, from a very young age until I was 12. In those days it was not talked about or understood by many and so I kept quiet. When I was in my thirties it all came out and I ended up in a mental hospital when I tried to take my own life.
I am in my fifties now and my daughter was raped last year. They call it acquaintance rape as she knew her attacker. She was raped and sodomised, ran undressed into the street - he was in his forties, she was 17 and still he has been found not guilty due to lack of evidence. The jury decided that there was not enough evidence to suggest that it was not consentual. The police could not have been more supportive, she was lucky enough to have the help and skill of the only Home Office paid specialist in, I understand, the South and South West of England and we both now have the Rape Crisis centre to be our courage whilst we build back our strength. Less than a month ago a young girl was raped and took her own life as nobody listened to her, and a young relation of a very close friend of ours was stabbed to death.......my daughter's heart went out to those people who could not stand up and have their moment to tell the truth. This is a tribute to my daughter, for being so strong - all those around her who support her (they know who they are) - but I would also like to take this as an opportunity to think of those who are less fortunate and so don't have the chance or the ability to face up to their attackers and put a strong foundation down to allow themselves to start healing. Use this website, use pen and paper to express your feelings, go to the top of a secluded hill with a close friend and scream, do whatever safe thing you can to relieve the hurt, take courage and find support. For my part, I must take comfort in the fact that I could empathise with my daughter and that, with support, she will not endure the loneliness of living in silence with the harrowing memories. As a brief addition, why should the government not fund more specialists in this area. They appear to happily support minority groups which I applaud and yet sexual abuse, rape etc affects, I have read, a great number of people. |
| Name: | hurt |
| Comments: | i was raped 3weeks ago but until i spoke to my mum i didnt know i had been raped. I knew the boy through a friend of a friend.
we got on quite well, i invited him round one evening, while my family was on holiday. we watched some tv and then went to my bedroom. we were just having a kiss and a cuddle on my bed, when it turned into something that made me frightened. he got up pulled me by my leg of my bed i fell on the floor, he dragged me of the floor by my arm. he said to me that i wouldnt be able to fight back because he was stronger than me. he then walked out of my room, i assumed he had gone to the toilet but he didnt return for a while, i heard a noise coming from my mums room. i walked in and he was there lying on my mums bed, i didnt understand what he was doing, he asked me if i had, had sex on her bed before which i replied no. he pulled me onto her bed pulled my trousers off and raped me i said i didnt want it, but i was so scared i didnt fight back i didnt want him to hurt me. he was very rough which was what confused me as with previous partners everything was so gentle. i didnt feel relaxed at all. i used al my strength and pushed him off. he then said where am i sleeping then and i said your not get out of my house to which he replied i guess that means the sofa unless you would pay for me to get a cab. i went up to my bed and left him on the sofa, however i didnt sleep all night. worried about the stranger who id trusted but no longer did that was downstairs in my house. in the morning i was up and dressed i went to wake him up. he asked for a glass of water, which i got him and he took one sip turned to me and said if wasnt a real man id throw this over you. then he went. i havnt slept since then i attempted to commit suicide i havnt been to the police because i am scared. i saw him this morning going to work and i missed my stop so that i would not bump into him. i felt sick. i do not hate him i just do not have trust in men anymore. it was only three weeks ago, i cannot move on i have told some people that have been helpful but i just want a cure, i wish i could go back in time and erase it. im 18 my life has just begun but i feel more like it is towards ending, |
| Name: | flubber88 |
| Comments: | From what have seen here i think if there could be any forum on how rape can be reduce it will definately stop. thank you |
| Name: | L |
| Comments: | i was raped a year ago by my daughters dad the case was dropped to the lack of evidence.
every day is hard for me to deal with whats happened to me and that the police were less than helpful and supportive to me. i have read about other women who have been through the same thing i admire their strength i wish i had that strength some days are better than others for me especially when my 4 year old daughter asks questions about her dad i end up in tears which upsets both me and my daughter. will i ever get through this will i ever be able to trust another man? i hope i can |
| Name: | Letter writer |
| Comments: | I'm having a bad day.... i hate these days the days where you realise once again that it'll never truly be ok again, its been two years now and i have these days less....but to have to have them at all seems heartbreakingly unfair to me.
Well done as per, to everyone who logs on and comments, you help me to realise that i'm doing ok-and that i'm not going insane for feeling the way i feel. Keep going, we can do it! x |
| Name: | c |
| Comments: | nobody but my boyfiend knows what has happened to me in the past. until the other day i felt i needed to tell someone about what happened but felt that there was no way i could. so instead i have written all of the violent and sexual abuse i suffered at the hands of my ex. i have written it as though it was a story and allthough at times its upset me to write certain parts i feel better for releasing my true feelings and i also feel proud of myself that this was the life i led for seven years and now feel proud that i have came out stronger and have survived his evil ways and have became a better person and mother because of it. infact i would love to know how to turn it into a book of my life and poems to show anyone else in the same situation that you can over come marital rape and understand its as serious and degrading as any other case. i want to share my story. best wishes to everyone who logs on to this marvelous site. |
| Name: | David Boyle, London Wimbledon |
| Comments: | Congratulations on your courage at attempting to deal with an all too common issue. My partner has been affected by similar issues in the past, she was raped while tied up with rope "just for a photo" and I hope that your web site will inspire others in similar situations to find the same courage.
All rape is the most vile cruelty and the only thing that can reduce it is the courage of those affected. |
| Name: | kate |
| Comments: | I am 25 years old, married with two beautiful kids. I escaped my nightmere several years ago and vowed to start over and not to allow him to win. Thats exactly what I did. I transfered colleges and graduated magna cum laude. I am a stay at home mom now, that loves the simplicity of baking cookies and takeing my kids to the park. MY husband is an amazing and compasionate man, yet even after several years of marriage I still have not been able to tell him about "what happened". Why is it so hard to find my voice? IN most areas of my life, I am a very articulate individual. HOwever, when it comes to "this" no words seem to fit or even come out. I am trying, and know I need to tell him more, the shame is just so overwhelming. Most people that know me now, think of me as perfect, and I just want to scream!!!! I wake up all hours of the night, I recoil when the man I love tries to hold my hand or give me a kiss. I have flashbacks that leave me questioning my sanity. I have done everything I know how to do and I feel lost and frustrated that I will never be able to find words for all the horrible haunting images that plague my mind and body. I love my life and family that my husband and I have created. I am grateful that I have survived and know that there is a plan for me in this life. I guess today I just needed to see that other people have found "words" to describe their nightmeres and that it is possible. Sorry about the rambling and thanks for the hope!!! |
| Name: | tash monie |
| Comments: | good hope you people are ok |
| Name: | January |
| Comments: | I think that this is some good information because I never knew half of the things that happen to some girls and the things they go through are WOW to me because they deal with so much!!!! |