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| Name: | Teddy Johnson |
| E-mail address: | plumber7d@aol.com |
| Homepage URL: | http://webmail.aol.com |
| You are from: | Huntington W.V. |
| Comments: | My son, Adam died of a heroin overdose on Sept 21 2007. He was a college student, worked every day for me amd one of the most artistic kids ever. He was a beautiful son and I couldn't tell what he was doing.
His killer was sentenced to 12 months in jail on Friday May 8th. The judge found him guilty but found that since he didn't know Adam might die only gave him 12 months. His name is Paul Dempsey. He never said he was sorry in court. There were 14 people in our town who died within 6 months and because Adam was first he was sort of the trial death. Others hav received harsher sentences. I am devastated. I had to relive everything all over again during the trial for 12 months. Len Bias Law would work if the judges weren't so lenient. Teddy Johnson |
| Name: | Teddy Johnson |
| E-mail address: | plumber7d@aol.com |
| You are from: | Huntington W.V. |
| Comments: | My son, Adam died of a heroin overdose on Sept 21 2007. He was a college student, worked every day for me amd one of the most artistic kids ever. He was a beautiful son and I couldn't tell what he was doing.
His killer was sentenced to 12 months in jail on Friday May 8th. The judge found him guilty but found that since he didn't know Adam might die only gave him 12 months. His name is Paul Dempsey. He never said he was sorry in court. There were 14 people in our town who died within 6 months and because Adam was first he was sort of the trial death. Others hav received harsher sentences. I am devastated. I had to relive everything all over again during the trial for 12 months. Len Bias Law would work if the judges weren't so lenient. Teddy Johnson |
| Name: | Mom |
| E-mail address: | nye_eve_number9@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | earth |
| Comments: | I am so sorry for your loss and fear that I too will be feeling the same loss if my son does not decide to want help. My daughter is a ketamin, valium, downer addict. After trying to help her get clean for five years ..and sending her to a rehab in Connecticut spending over 200,000 and now have no money left to help this time around ... I have although come to the realization that addicts only become clean if the want to. It's sad to know that there are other parents out there going through the same thing that I am and we are all so lost for truely knowing what to do . The wondering where she is, what is she doing, forever waiting by the phone fearig it will not ring, sometimes fearing it shall ring I am so afraid for her and have ran out of financial resources to place into anothe rehab.. I pray for us all the Parents and our children,, God Bless us everyone. |
| Name: | Sacha Cueto |
| E-mail address: | cueto00@msn.com |
| You are from: | Tucson, Arizona |
| Comments: | This is a great thing you are doing. My 17 year old son died on March 18, 2009 of a heroin overdose. Me and my 8 year old daughter found him dead in our bathroom. It has only been 3 weeks and now the depression is kicking in. Trying to get back to work and carry on for my family. I have the same guilt, why didn't I know? I have heard he had first tried it only 3 months before he died. I am so sorry for everyones loss of their children on here. But if your child did make it, and is in re-hab I wish you the best of luck, don't give up. My son is the third in 6 months to die at his high school. We need to get these dealers off the street. The detectives are closing in on the kid we all beleive sold him the heroin, but it takes time. I hope he goes to jail. |
| Name: | Diane Lyzen |
| E-mail address: | dlyzen@att.net |
| You are from: | Streetsboro, Ohio |
| Comments: | I thank God that I came upon your site! Nothing is more helpful than the reality and truth of heroin addiction.
I am the mother of a son, our only son, who is addicted to heroin. His name is Greg, he'll be turning 22 4/22. My husband & I first had 2 daughters and tried for our boy. He was the perfect image of what a child should be! Easygoing, took everything in stride, adored his dad. Then he got into high school and life changed dramatically!! I won't go through the details, it's all the same, but this is the second time he's in detox within 4 months. We decided to let our extended family know because they haven't seen him in years and couldn't understand why. He just wasn't interested in family. Because he doesn't have insurance we could not put him in a rehab, although this time we're sending him to the Salvation Army ARC program. There's no choice. Anything is better than living at home and being in the same neighborhood. As a mother I am devastated. It feels as if he died, and in a way he has. The first time he was in detox I thought he'd be o.k. and life would resume as normal. This time I know nothing will ever be the same. This is a lifelong disease. It can only be controlled, sort of like "remission" in cancer patients. I've lost my fun loving, take in stride son! I cry out of nowhere. I try to work or read or just do anything to be normal, but Greg is always in the forefront of my mind. I cannot let this go. I have to fight for him and every other child who will one day be the victim of the dealers out there that make their living off of our kids. They are the lowest,scummiest evil people ever created ! Your site showed me the reality of the end result of heroin. It makes me want to continue fighting! Thank you! Know that your son's death and your heartache is not in vain! Seeing your pictures helped me make future decisions regarding my son that was hard for me to do. I don't know what the future holds for Greg or my family. All of us are here for him, but this situation has brought the "mother tiger" out in me. A mother's love can never be defined...it's too deep and strong! Again, I want to thank you for your site and what you're doing for others. May God continue to bless you and your family, and know that your son is finally in peace and away from his earthly demons! God bless, Diane |
| Name: | ehutch |
| E-mail address: | ehutc7@yahoo.com |
| Comments: | i read your site and sympathize with your situation. i am currently struggling to rid myself of this addiction. ive tried numerous times and have had little luck so far. eventually, i believe ill get there. its much more difficult than most people realize. anyway, what you are doing is good, keep it up. |
| Name: | Marti |
| E-mail address: | mjpriest@consolidated.net |
| You are from: | Texas |
| Comments: | As I set her at my desk at work, my eyes are all welled up. My son is currently in rehab and he is the one that told me about 89 Acres. Thanks for sending him the message from the other side... I hope to come visit you and your parents one day soon. My son has talked about helping your parents with the progression of 89 Acres - that would be a great tribute to you...
Many thanks |
| Name: | Pamela Palmer Mutino |
| E-mail address: | Windsorwes@aol.com |
| Homepage URL: | http://www.outskirtspress.com/webpage.php?isbn=9781432700867 |
| You are from: | Port Chester, New York |
| Comments: | I lost my only child, my beautiful Maria to a heroin overdose at 23. She is immortalized in the book, "Swish: Maria in the Mourning," also on YouTube. When I saw Walt's hospital pictures of his leg, I was reminded of the huge infected blood clot in my Maria's arm...it all happened so quickly, and I send prayers to Walt and his family, because I am now a childless mother. |
| Name: | Rhonda |
| E-mail address: | childagod247365@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Mansfield.Texas |
| Comments: | Walterik,I just wanted you to know that I had the priviledge of speaking with your father today,and I now have even more determination to be healed and to seek out the knowledge it will take for me to live clean and sober for the rest of my life.My heart breaks everytime I come to this cache of pages,as Im sure most do,especially your dad.But,he has determined to dedicate his life to helping others like you and me,to turn tragedy to triumph for so many lost and hurting people.My prayer is to be able to whatever it takes to get me back to joy and peace of mind.And if God should have any plans for me to become a part of what your wonderful father started,I pray that I have the courage to walk through the fire for those out there,still lost and hurting.Ive placed it ALL in the most capable hands of all,Gods hands.Rest in peace,my new friend! |
| Name: | Lizzy |
| You are from: | St. Peters |
| Comments: | Merry Christmas Eric, you and Joe are in my prayers everyday.
Love, Lizzy |
| Name: | Dad |
| Comments: | Merry Christmas Walterik... I love you and I miss you.
Dad |
| Name: | Lizzy |
| You are from: | St. Peters |
| Comments: | Hi Eric,
Well honey another year has passed. And you and Joe are always in my heart and prayers. I couldn't get on here the 9th or the 6th. Those are my worst days ever. The only thing that helps to ease the hurt is knowing that the both of you are in God's care and that I will see the both of you soon. Rest in peace Eric Love, Lizzy |
| Name: | Tim |
| E-mail address: | tcolmey@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | St. Louis |
| Comments: | i don't know what to say... i guess there's nothing to say.
i miss walt. he was a good friend. he may have been a heroin user, but that's not who he was as a person. it didn't define him or his entire existence. he was a good person. that's all i know. see you on the other side bro. |
| Name: | Dad |
| Comments: | Today marks six years since you had your final dose. I think about you everyday and pray that you are now in a better place.
I am so sorry for having failed you as a dad. Being a good father or provider can't make up for not spending time with you instead of work. Please forgive my son. Dad |
| Name: | Lizzy |
| E-mail address: | eleach@mail.win.org |
| Comments: | Dear Walt,
This is our fifth year without you and Joe. We still love and miss you both with all our hearts. The only peace we have is knowing that you both are at peace and celebrating Christmas in heaven. MERRY CHRISTMAS WALT. Love Lizzy |
| Name: | DK |
| E-mail address: | lildeborahke@aol.com |
| You are from: | new jersey |
| Comments: | I am so sorry for your loss and fear that I too will be feeling the same loss if my son does not decide to want help. My son is a heroin addict. After trying to help him get clean for three years I have come to the realization that addicts only become clean if the want to. In September he overdosed. Thankfully he was taken to the hospital in time. Within 12 hrs he was using again. This website has been so helpful to me. It's nice to know that there are other parents out there going through the same thing that I am. The wondering where he is, what is he doing, afraid to answer the phone fearig it will be the phone call I am so afraid to recieve. |
| Name: | James |
| E-mail address: | emperor74@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Portland Oregon |
| Comments: | I came across your site while I was looking for some sort of forum for recovering heroin addicts. I have yet to find one where we can talk in a chat room style setting. I am 34 now and have not used heroin for around 8 years. I had a heavy 5 year addiction and still occasionally have cravings. My fear of reliving that life keeps me from even being in a place where I could find the drug. Only a few people in my life now know that I ever had a problem with it but none of them know to what extent. I moved to Mexico for 4 years to escape the addiction and now I keep it very private. I have no one to talk to about this addiction that can identify with my fuel for my motivation to change my life. Something like that would be a nice addition to this site.
I do agree with your ideas on locking away the heroin dealers and helping the addicts. The legal system has no idea how to deal with this problem because it looks at it as a crime, not a disease. Like your son, I tried it on a dare and ended up ruining my life, that now after 8 years clean, I am getting close to picking up the pieces. I am finishing college next term and trying to get into law school next fall. I am hoping to help attack issues like this since I know all to well what some of the problems are. I know that nothing will bring your son back but I do hope that the fire his death has caused you, will help others. Good luck and good work. |
| Name: | Dad |
| Comments: | Walterik, today marks 5years since you were put to rest. Time does not stand still. I miss you son and I'm sorry.
Rest in Peace my son Love Dad. |
| Name: | ally |
| E-mail address: | smithy@comcast.net |
| You are from: | Seattle |
| Comments: | I am truly sorry for your hurt. My husband of 22 years became addicted to heroin and led a double life. My two kids and I are the victims. I do not even drink and must face this humiliation. I am divorcing him and despite him admitting in court to taking 7,500 methadone pills in 18 mos, the judge would still like him to spend time with his 14 year old. As you know, heroin addicts only have relatinships with their passion--heroin. Why do the courts go soft on these people? Why make the kids suffer more than they are? Focusing on the addict only encourages their self absorbed behavior. |
| Name: | steff |
| You are from: | Illinois |
| Comments: | I am truely sorry for your loss. I have been clean for 1 year now and thank god every day my mother stood by me and helped me. I still go to a methadone clinic, and I thank god for that place also. I think your site can help others. God be with you |
| Name: | SharonT |
| E-mail address: | Tate55745@netscape.net |
| You are from: | NC |
| Comments: | So sorry for what your family has beenthru. Thankfully my husband and I found methadone and have been detoxing the last year after 5 years of pink handcuffs. But we have gained alot. Our self esteem and our dignity. I pray we will never go down the drug path again. I read alot of these stories to remind me from where I came. Thnak you for putting this up, I know it wasn't easy, Just know it helped this ex junkie. You are to be admired. And God BLess
Tate55745@netscape.net |
| Name: | Jason |
| E-mail address: | simsimjason@sbcglobal.net |
| You are from: | Lost Angels, California |
| Comments: | i have been to 3 funerals this year, 2007 -- and it's only june. all were alcoholics. doesn't matter what your drug of choice is. all drugs kill. one way or another, drug use will eventually kill whatever life you have. i have never known anyone who safely enjoyed the use of heroin or cocaine. they are simply too powerful to be included in day-to-day living. life is hard enough without drugs. if you are out of control and need help, i suggest you summon the courage and visit your nearest 12 step group. 12 steppers will welcome you with open arms. they won't bullshit you, but they will help you to STAY SOBER. |
| Name: | Gloria |
| E-mail address: | gvantassl@aol.com |
| You are from: | New York |
| Comments: | Thank you for your website. I am a counselor who works in a 28 day rehab. I started this second career seven years ago when my only son decided to stop using heroin. It took two overdoses and living on the streets for him to stop. However, he still struggles every day.
I returned to school (college) for my addiction certification with the hopes of helping other addicts. This is the most rewarding job I could ever ask for in my life time. Hopefully, my "words" will touch an addict and give the strength needed to stop. I, too, hope and pray the public becomes more educated about addiction. |
| Name: | Linsey |
| E-mail address: | linseyk8@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Alaska |
| Comments: | I love your website. This is the first time I've logged on, and I'm sure I will find something to help my younger sister through her time of need.
Linsey |
| Name: | laura |
| E-mail address: | lauraflood@verizon.net |
| You are from: | New York City |
| Comments: | As the "Junky's wife" said you are fighting the "good fight." God bless you. This is why I buy lottery tickets. I don't know how I even got on this site. I am glad you have the resources to help those in need and less fortunate than you. God rest your son's soul! May he finally be at peace now. |
| Name: | Nick Annon |
| You are from: | Scandinavia |
| Comments: | Why didn't you open a forum enabling discussion? You say there's no time for discussion and you're wrong. Many concerned would appreciate time to talk 'bout the problems and how is one to shed light unless in a dialogue ? In a monologue ??
I know there's a problem, my point is that there's also a problem in identifying the problem. Ultimately one could argue that it is not the drugs beeing the problem, but rather the reason to why we keep on chasing the high's. Drugs would in this view be no different than the adrenaline rush one gets from riding a bike down a mountiain, winnig the lottery, having sex or the feeling of just beeing right. If I am to be wrong I ain't gonna let you let me know 'cause I'm havin a monologue. ps. Forcing anyone to do this or that ain't gonna solve the problem. Peace |
| Name: | The Junkys Wife |
| E-mail address: | thejunkyswife@gmail.com |
| Homepage URL: | http://www.thejunkyswife.com |
| You are from: | Charlotte, NC |
| Comments: | I am so sorry for your loss, and thank you for creating this interesting and informative website. Good luck to you in your endeavors...you guys are fighting the good fight! |
| Name: | Joe shane |
| E-mail address: | college_soccerboy@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Columbus,Ohio |
| Comments: | I just want to say thank you for your sons story and the hope you give us heroin addicts and and other addicts the hope to a new life and and the hope to stay clean and sober because we all know we will have to fight this the rest of our lifes and it is so hard but we can do it one day at a time I have 1 year of clean and sober life now and i am so happy and today i love myself I 2 did not get it the 1st time around and i had relapsed about 5 time on herion and od 2 time and yes you are right I did not just hurt myself i hurt my mom,dad,sister,brother and i still feel like the dont know if i will still clean because it is like they ask did you go to a meeting today at lest they still care about me that mean the most to me but thank you for the story and god bless and i hope to stay clean for good i can just take it one day at a time all yea i was one of them to that got addict the first time i did herion and i was 14 years old to day i am 23 years old and have one year clean thank you |
| Name: | Crystle |
| E-mail address: | giggles24821424@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | San Jose CA |
| Comments: | First of all I am so sorry for the pain this terrible drug has brought your family. I have been doing a project on Heroin for about a week now and I thought it was gogin to be easy, I thought it wasn't going to touch me because they were just junkies. God was I wrong, I see through this story and so many that I have read that they are not just junkies, they are someones son and brother, father or best friend and that all of those people suffer as well, if not more. I have learned so much and know that your site has sparked something in me and I will be fighting for people with this sickness for years to come...you have changed my views and I thank you. I think you should check out this site I came upon in my research...if anyone has even thought abou ttrying a drug at all, they should see it. I was shocked by what people go through because of drugs, I hope they all find peace someday. Here is the site: www.deep6inc.com It is a powerful site and hard to look at sometimes, but I think people should see it. My prayers and best wishes are with your family. Thank you for sharing. |
| Name: | Brian |
| E-mail address: | panhandlersdream@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Woodstock,Ontario,Canada |
| Comments: | Thank You so much for sharing your story.What you are doing is wonderful, and I pray that the sacrifice your son has made, and you have made will make a difference in other addicts lives. You have made a difference in life today, and touched my heart. I am a recovering drug addict, I was addicted to Heroin, cocaine and anything else I could get my hands on. I will be celebrating 5 yrs clean this coming June 14, 2007. I will be speaking in June at the rehab center I graduated from, and you will be in my thoughts as I speak to others addicts about recovery, and what this deadly disease can and will do to you. I f there is anything I can do to help your cause, please don't hesitate to contact me @ Panhandlersdream@hotmail.com.
Again Thank You for making a difference in my life. Gob Bless You Yours Sincerely Brian Roberts |
| Name: | NORMA |
| E-mail address: | navaldez@swtjc.edu |
| You are from: | TEXAS |
| Comments: | I'M VERY SORY WHAT HAPPENED. I KIND OF FEEL YOUR ANGUISH BECAUSE I HAVE A PROBLEM SIMILAR TO YOURS. MY HUSBAND IS OR "WAS" AS HE SAYS A CRACK ADDICT. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT BECAUSE AS WELL HE HAS THE LOVE OF HIS FAMILY AND HIS KIDS. I HAVE TRIED SO MANY THINGS AND THE PROBLEM IS STILL THE SAME. I THINK IT'S A FALSE DOOR DECORATED NICELY FOR THEM. I WISH YOU THE BEST AND KEEP ON GOING BECAUSE THIS IS THE KIND OF PROBLEMS GOD PUTS IN OUR DESTINY TO MAKE US STRONGER PEOPLE. I SHOWED MY HUSBAND THIS SITE AND HE WAS SPEECHLESS. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS WITH ALL OF US IT IS AN EYE OPENING EXPIRIENCE FOR MANY. GOD BLESS YOU |
| Name: | debz lowry |
| E-mail address: | debz@focusfoundation.org.uk |
| You are from: | England |
| Comments: | i was filled with tears, and still am fighting back the tears, my heart was moved to compassion. i am about to do a brave thing and do my first conference to set up a recovery center and detox unit, my ex got involved in heroin and i am still supporting him 11 years on. It is a Christian project as well as humane, i have a passion to deal with the evils of all drugs as well as offer rest for those who need it, i will be using those images and Walt's story to bring the reality home to people in Cambridge, thank you for sharing, i will put to good use this story. |
| Name: | Debbie |
| E-mail address: | budgirlgonecrazy@ubtanet.com |
| You are from: | Utah |
| Comments: | I just wanted to tell you that your story really touched me I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that this sight will keep opening peoples eyes to what drugs can do.. |
| Name: | Liz |
| You are from: | St. Peters |
| Comments: | Hi Walt,
Happy St. Valentines day in heaven. I was sitting here just wondering what you and my Joe would of been doing. And I wanted to let you know that you are still loved and missed everyday. Rest in peace Love Gramma Liz |
| Name: | Brian Bauman |
| E-mail address: | b_bauman2001@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Pomona, CA |
| Comments: | I stumbled accross this site and wanted to comment. The stories and sentiments included really touched me and brought tears to my eyes. I am a recovering addict (marijuana and methamphetamine) and just wanted people to know that there is hope for those that seek help! People NEVER have to use again if they choose not to!
My prayers go out to all, especially those still suffering! Brian Bauman |
| Name: | Dad |
| Comments: | Merry Christmas Walt.
Rest in peace. Love Dad. |
| Name: | SOMEONE YOU HELPED |
| Comments: | Walt, I miss you. Hope you are feeling better. Hope everyone is fairing.
I e-mail you and don't hear from you. I see funny little things you send en mass, and figure you're mending. Always know you helped someone. |
| Name: | Carol Michael's Mom |
| E-mail address: | heygiff@fastmail.fm |
| You are from: | Minneapolis |
| Comments: | Walt, I hope all is going well with you and your family. It has been quite a while since we have chatted and I pray that the new role life has given you will bring much joy. I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season. Thanks for being there for us. |
| Name: | Tish |
| E-mail address: | tish@psci.net |
| You are from: | Indiana |
| Comments: | To Walt's Family,
May the Lord give you all comfort during this time of year with Walt's anniversary of both his birth and death coming up. I pray that i will never have to go through such pain in my life as you and your family have, but if i ever have to i would like to think that i would be able to do such awareness to the demon that brought you so much pain. Walt would be just a year younger that me and he was such a handsome man just to let you know you should be proud... Take Care and i will be praying for u... |
| Name: | Karin |
| E-mail address: | anon. |
| You are from: | Columbus, OH |
| Comments: | I typed in heroin on the web because I thought that to OD on heroin would be the easiest & least painful way to die. Instead, I came across this website and read about the pain of families struggling to come to terns with loved one's addictions, incarcerations, or deaths. I realize how stupid & selfish that my wanting to die is, now. I am so sorry for all of the pain of everyone who's written in here face. Thank you for opening my eyes to the reality of death~~not a way out, but a way to ensure a lifelong hell for those who love you, and who you leave behind to deal with what you think you cannot~~life. |
| Name: | Tore André |
| E-mail address: | tag0658@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Oslo Norway |
| Comments: | Thank you for letting me share your story. I was a drug addict for almost 20 years untill I one day asked for help. For real. Real help. Not money or whatever. And it was there. A treatment center that understood addiction. That sent us to AA and NA meetings. That was more than 6 years ago. It works. Addiction is a disease that knows no boundaries, cultural, economical, social whatever. Neither does the solution. I believe sharing our stories, sad or uplifting are important. Knowledge and love will one day prevail. I'm sure of it. Thank you again. It gives me a push to continue. To share and care. TAG |
| Name: | Casey |
| E-mail address: | red69@adelphia.ent |
| You are from: | wv |
| Comments: | As Im sitting here reading all these stories and the story of your son tears are streaming down my face. As of yesterday I found that my baby sister at age 20 has been shooting herion for i guess two months now i have been to hell and back with her from pot drinking o.c. cocke crack and now this i just see her life ending as your sons did way to soon i dont know much about this addiction so i have been trying to get info on it. As my sister does not want to go to a rehab she wants to "cold turkey" at my mothers home yesterday me and my mother sa with her wiped her down she was swating shiviering upchucking has diareaha cant keep dood down and is purly miserable but the worst is still to come from what im reading i plan on going over there later today to show her walts web page and maybe this will wake her up i just do not want to get let down again and me and may young chlidren who are close to her get hurt again. Not to metion I still have a 14 yr old brother at home And praying every day this does not happen to him. However I pray for your family and thanks for the great support syestem you have up and running. If anyone has any comments advise or just need to chat please email me. Thanks for your time |
| Name: | Walt |
| E-mail address: | arc@89acres.org |
| You are from: | Hope, MO |
| Comments: | Donna,
I remember you and Julie being friends. I think your last name starts with a "P" (maiden name) Please send me an email to the above address with your email address. I want to send you an update... God bless you Julie's Dad |
| Name: | Donna |
| You are from: | USA |
| Comments: | Hey Julie! This is your friend from long ago in Junior High (West Germany). I just got out of rehab..not for herion...but I thought about your brother Eric and I tried to talk to the herion addicts that I met that were in rehab with me...I will always remember Eric the way I saw him... a cute little blonde boy full of life...I remember we teased him constantly....we were terrible..I remember the neigbor below coming upstairs and yelling at us for being so loud...when you are young, you think your life will last forever....God Bless Eric. He was a sweet person... |
| Name: | paul |
| You are from: | england |
| Comments: | i posted on here for the first time on the 17th april,im pleased to say im now clean of heroin and fighthing the addiction every day..it sure is 1 hell of a fight but im staying strong..taking 1 day at a time and i dont think what tomorrow may bring...anyway take care and remember theres hope for all of us. |
| Name: | no name |
| E-mail address: | not available |
| You are from: | there |
| Comments: | I don't know alot about heroin. But what I do know it killed one my high school friends. I'm going to be 36 tomorrow and weirdly enough, this is the day he will be buried. I feel for everyone writing in on this site who has done heroin or lost a loved one. It's really sad and sometimes you think back and say"could i have helped". I remember back about 7 years ago talking to this person on the phone and them going to AA and asked if I wanted to go. I said "I don't want to talk in front of people" and they said "you dont, just go with me." Oh wow, could I have changed this persons mind about drugs if i had gone? Probably not, but I think I could of helped. Who knew when they started, they didn't tell me of their demons tapping them on the back. I never knew but I always wondered if heroin was in their life. Now its to late and i will always wonder "could i have helped"? |
| Name: | Hannah |
| Comments: | it makes me so sad to see people killed from takin drugs:'( |
| Name: | Lela Faith |
| E-mail address: | Squeal777@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | allover, nowhere |
| Comments: | I am desperate!, My father a 25 year heroin addict who managed to get clean and live that way as a dinosaur for 8 years died last year from liver cancer, he was my best friend and every thing to me...everything... it is coming up on a year anniversary of his death and I still cant believe he is gone. after all the "bad " shit he did he became a wonderful person and I hate the whole fucking world now that he is gone. He used to tell me " Baby, who is the baddest motherfucker that you know? and I would say ,You Daddy and he would say Heroin kicked my ass, the needle took everything I loved away dont ever do it" and I would say ok daddy. When they told us he had 4 monthes to live I quit everything to be with him . he wasent ready to go, I guess after turning his life around and helping other addicts for so long he really loved life, and wanted more . Funny how we try to escape life and then when you want it you can't have it. any way now my best friend and my Daddy is gone and I have been so angry this past year I have pushed away every one that loves me cause I only want him, I have beeen so fucked up and have done every drug i could find....including Heroin which I seem to find comfort in in some sick-connected to him way .I just don't know how to keep on living and loving and enjoying life without him... which he would be so dissapointed in me for... I don't know any more I hate it all ... except for my kids.. they deserve better than he gave me , ya know, I wish I had some one to talk to that didnt want to" fix me" and just had similar experience to relate any way thanks for having a place I could write to . |
| Name: | Brendan |
| You are from: | NY |
| Comments: | Hey
I am sorry for your lost...maybe if the laws would change to have harm reduction rather than criminaling heroing users, your son would still be alive. |
| Name: | paul |
| E-mail address: | p_larsen27@hotmail.co.uk |
| You are from: | england |
| Comments: | well were do i start..im a heroin addict been on it since i was 16 im now 27 y.o.im living back at my parents 4 the time being.just looking 4 inspiration to help me get clean once again,im going cold turkey tomorrow,ive finally had enuff of this life.it was such a nice feeling when i started taking heroin,made me feel great,until i relized what pain u go through when u havnt had ur daily fix once ur addicted..done many different detox's prison,methadome,subutex,5 day detox.so on...this time i feel different about getting clean i want to do it,no 1's forced me to do it.im not looking forward to what lies ahead in the next week,im going to hell and back,theres no 2 ways about it.but after reading this i wanna do it 4 my family,who have supported me,after all ive put them through these years.they still stand by me..just wish ur son was still with u xxx i dont wanna be another victim of this evil drug,it's had an hold on my life 4 far to long.time 4 me to take back control...email me for updates...all the best thanks for the inspiration and for the rest of the addicts keep going and dont give up.theres light at the end of the tunnel for all.xxxx |
| Name: | Shannon |
| E-mail address: | tuloa@comcast.net |
| You are from: | ... |
| Comments: | My life is terrible w.o my friends .. one died from heroin and one died from loss of the heroin addict(shot herself) .. i miss them .. i miss the beauty of, lets say his name was Bill, Bill. I miss the outgoing personality of, lets say Vicky, Vicky. Bill was my first real crush and Vicky was my first real best friend .. I loved them and they loved me. This sight helps me .. i see how other people get through a day .. as i do .. i will try once more to get through mine ..
thank you for this |
| Name: | carolyn gallagher |
| E-mail address: | odcarolo@ hotmail.com |
| You are from: | hulmeville pennsylvania |
| Comments: | so sad heroin is the devil incarnate been battiling him for 20 years nothing ive tried can replace or make me forget what is like to have satan shot in my veins this drug is indescribable to most people IT IS NOT COOL TO SHOOT HERION it lies its ugly and will obliterate anyone or any thing that gets in its path the pain ive caused to my 7 year old child who is n ow thirteen ans im forbidden to see or speak to him this unforgivable pain ive caused to my loved ones can never be fixed changed or mended im holding on to a string i might not make it any young people THIS IS NO JOKE I PRAY FOR ALL ADDICTS IF YOU CAN whoever offers it to you remember your are taking satans cursed hand STAND STRONG AND CLEAN LOVE CAROL |
| Name: | john p. |
| E-mail address: | johnlpepper@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | columbia mo. |
| Comments: | there is a solution!!! I know, I found it here in Columbia, heroin had me for 41 years, Then through the grace of a God of my understanding, and N.A. I was set free on aug.,13,2003...Never give up HOPE...I'm 60 years old and today I know a new FREEDOM. And have found a better way to live, CLEAN... If an old dog like me can learn these thing about life, so can you my young friends!!! |
| Name: | Chronic Pain Sufferer |
| E-mail address: | Not Available |
| You are from: | England |
| Comments: | Stumbled over this website and felt such empathy with you all that I had to write - from the other side. My heart goe out to you all - heroin users as well as the family, friends and associates of addicts. I know and understand how you all feel - from both sides of the fence.
I live every day of my life with a debilitating, crippling illness that keeps me forever on pain-killing medication (all prescription). I have used and been prescribed diamorphine (100% legal heroin) for many years, changing only last summer (2005) to another, equally strong painkiller due to national shortages of the drug in the UK). Despite receiving the best - the very best medical care, it was extremely hard and difficult undergoing the change from diamorphine (heroin) to 'the other' injectable painkiller. The withdrawl symptons are unbearable; they create suicial desires; with every injection (in my case up to 8 per day) one wishes it was heroin and not 'the other' (I am not disclosing 'the other' to ensure anominity remains). I should also point out that there can be an addiction to the fact that one likes the actual feel of a needle being used (information supplied by a qualified drug counsellor). Heroin is so hugley addictive because of the 'warmth', the 'cushion', the sense of 'relaxation' it creates. And it is a tremendous painkiller for those in extreme pain. I can imaging the ease with which anyone having been prescribed heroin for pain could so easily continue to use it as a 'social' drug. The danger (for those who are not aware) is that prescription heroin is pure, the strongest avaiable - it carries NO impurities. As soon as you take 'street' heroin, the substance can be as low as 25% pure, mixed with other substances to bulk the weight hence making more profit to the evil dealers. This also (again for those who are not aware) creates the foundation why many addicts die. Addicts do not know the purity of street heroin - hence it is totally uncontrolled how much actual heroin they are using. An addict using prescribed heroin (as certain health centres do) can control the intake and thus have a far less tendency of death. There are and have been many arguments by MP's to radically change the approach to help heroin addicts and by researching on the internet these arguments will help both sides - addicts and their families, understand that help could be so much better structured. I cannnot speak for other Countries, but UK residents should do this and put pressure on their local MP's to wake up the arguments at Government level. You should also seek through your GP whether your own health authority has a scheme using diamorphine (these are NOT widley published due to potential misuse). If you could as an addict get on such a scheme, you will be able to control your intake and start the long road to full recovery. Your family and friends will also start to feel that progress is being made. Finally, I express that heroin CAN be kicked. I managed it but it took almost 3 months. It is not an overnight fix. I still have to receive painkilling injections daily but I no longer spend all day 'wishing' for the next injection. I now hate my injections more than anything but sadly would not survive without them. Good luck to you all. |
| Name: | April |
| E-mail address: | ajrgraham@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Ontario, Canada |
| Comments: | I am a recovering drug addict. I now have been clean for 3 years and I work in a program called Celebrate Recovery. It takes the 12 steps from AA and the 8 beatitudes from the Bible and it is awesome.
I just want to say to every one. There is a reason why!! It is the search to find that reason and allow yourself to heal. A very long process but please don't lose hope. We are all here for a purpose and sometimes understanding why we have been hurt or had to go through all we have had to go through isn't easy to understand. But I realized that when we allow God to heal our hurts He can take that experience and gives us freedom through using it to help others and that is why I am signing. Please email me. I would love to encourage anyone who needs encouragement or if you just want me to pray for you I will. There is a God and He loves you regardless of what you have done or haven't done. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE HIM NOT LOVE YOU!! Looking forward to hearing from you soon And hang in there.... you are loved!!! |
| Name: | calley ross |
| You are from: | scotland |
| Comments: | i've been a heroin addict for just over two years but resently stopped as i have not long found out that i am already six months pregnant. The minute i found out me and my partner decided that it was something that had to change in our lifes if we wanted to meke a go of things and also the thought of what i was doing to or had done to my unborn child. it has been a lot harder for my partner as we found out that the child belonged to my ex who has been an addict for 7 years and not his. at first i thought i would never be able to do it or that my partner would be able to do it but whe have we have only been clean for just over a month and that is the longest me and my partner now have ever been clean but we are and are going to do it. i would like to say how very sorry i am for your loss and how i have only realised that i will only be able to feel the fear and pain that the likes of your self or my mum goes through once i have had this child as i know i would never really be able to turn round and say anything to harsh as i have done it my self i can only hope and pray that it will never have to come to that with my own child i am yet again very sorry for your loss. everyone needs to learn that it is like any other addiction and that we aren't all bad people we just have a problem that is hard to fight as much as you want to people have to realsie that its a struggle and there will be slip ups no matter how hard you try it controls you its a full time job only difference is you dont get paid unless you deal. i am only 17 and have realsied that maybe family is more important in life than something that is there for only a matter of moments i only hope you understand your son did love you he just had a very big problem that only he could sort as my mum has now realsied that they have to do it for them selves no matter how much you try and force them they have to be ready to change but they will at some point i have even though i have a reason to it makes no difference i could still easily take if i wanted to but i cant be selfish any more i have another life to think about not my own any more just hope you understand where im coming from and dont just think im another addict that is full of s**t cause some of them are i am truly sorry and and can only imagin what it's like for the now ..... |
| Name: | kaz |
| E-mail address: | tattooist_goddess@yahoo.co.uk |
| You are from: | england |
| Comments: | I've had this site stuck in my favourites for a good few months before i wrote this comment..........
Im a suffering heroin addict and i hate it.. :( Though ive stopped taking the drug for a couple of years the addiction is forever there.. playing in my head. I found myself eyes streaming with tears today.. im loosing control yet again, this is something ive worked out that i can only fight on my own as it is a constant battle.. i've seen too many deaths from heroin and suicide...... one very recent hanging a couple of days ago 23rd december christmas will never be the same again. :( just wheni think im over it.. its things like this that bring you straight back down again.. ... andthe problem is that it takes things like this to make people realise how bad it is... its hard to get help wen ur 18years old.. u have no family , ur friends are there for all of 2days but after a couple more they soon forget.... i don't want to die. and i dont want to do it becuz im suicidal... bcuz i grew up too independantly and saw too much death and kept myself to myself i realise that heroin has become my comfort to death... becuz it is something that i can do alone to ease the hard cover i show to the rest of the world.. im not a sympathy seeker .. i just wanted to explain how it feels to me..... im also a tattooist and it comes with the industry.. i do feel terrible and send all my love everything i have left to all of the families and friends that have suffered i onli wish someone would perhaps think of me as you think beautifully of ur sons , daughters, husbands and wives... take care x |
| Name: | Kimberly |
| Comments: | Walt, You have been in my prayers, and I prayed so hard everything went well on the 6th. I couldn't contain myself anymore, and just had to tell you I'm thinking of you, and your wife, and the children.
For anyone that reads this Walt is one of the kindest, and forgiving, and optomistic people on this earth. A truly nice man who cares about others. He was very, very influential in my now one year and seven months off of drugs. He gives hope, and trust, and accountability. You are in my heart, Walt, and please let everyone know how you feel. Only all wonderful things for you, and your family for now on. As always a big thank you. |
| Name: | motherofanaddict |
| E-mail address: | motherofanaddict@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Naples, Florida |
| Comments: | Dearest Volkenannt Family: Thank you for creating this website and sharing your information.
Dearest Loved Ones of All Addicts: I am another mother frantically searching for understanding of my child's addiction, information to help her and me, and affordable long term treatment. My 'child' is 33. Same old story .. started with alcohol and marijuana in her early teens. Today it is alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, and pills. So far as I know she does not inject anything and hasn't tried heroin (yet). Eight years ago she successfully kicked a crack habit by completing a 6 month in-house court ordered rehab at the Salvation Army. Eight years she thought she was clean because she didn't use crack. She continued to use alcohol and marijuana. Everyday, with a sickness in my stomach, I waited for that teeter to totter! It has. She was arrested for possession (very small amount) and once that happened she started getting arrested (by the same officer) for things most people get a warning for. Don't misunderstand me, she, and she alone, is responsible for that possession charge! I do not blame anyone else. But once you are known as a drug user the local law enforcement and court systems will not let go of you! They have no compassion for these people who need our compassion. It is easier to go after someone like her, who is broke and jobless due to her addictions (the jails are full of them), than it is to go after the dealers who have money for attorneys and get their charges reduced to misdemeanors and are back on the streets in a matter of hours. Before reading Walt's message I was sure there was nothing that could be done about this. But as he points out, we can do something about it by writing to our lawmakers and law enforcers. Then we can vote! Vote out the sheriffs and judges who let the dealers plea out and who punish forever, and without rehab, the one's who need help! Vote in the sheriffs and judges who believe in rehabilitation and who have proven records of dealing harshly with dealers. ALL DEALERS REGARDLESS OF THE DRUG THEY ARE DEALING BUT NOT THE ADDICT SELLING TO ANOTHER ADDICT. Listen, the cops know who is who by the amount they have and by their history. And as Walt points out, if the dealer tests clean when arrested doesn't that indicate they are dealers not users. This is a long, slow process but it is the only way to change the "system". Since it is such a long and slow process it is imperative to start now. Everyone can look up their legislators by going to www.senate.gov and www.house.gov. If you live in Florida go to www.myflorida.com . If you live in another state just type in "state of ____" to your favorite search engine (such as: state of il, or state of hi, or state of ca .. capitalization does not make a difference) and it will supply you with your state's homepage and give you a list of all of your senators and congressmen ... the people you should be voting for or against. Be sure to find out who your local law enforcers are, too, and vote for or against them, also. I don't have many insights into this world of addiction, but I do know my daughter was better able to keep away from the 'hard' stuff when she moved to a different state and was surrounded by friends who did not do those drugs. When I would complain about her use of alcohol or marijuana her reply was always, “at least I’m not doing crack”. I am not advocating the use of ANY drug. Unfortunately, she moved back to the area (Naples, FL.) where she was introduced to crack just a few months ago and it didn't take long for old demons to come knocking. She says she hasn’t done crack, but for some reason, she thinks using cocaine is somehow better than using crack. Is it because it is more expensive and there is some sort of phony sophistication attached to using cocaine? It also didn't take long for law enforcement to recognize her although it had been years since they had arrested her. My point is, I believe it helps a lot for the addict to recover and start over in a place far away from their drug contacts and enablers. Helps. No guarantees. But it helps. To those of you who are so frustrated and broken and think you don’t care any longer … I think you do care. You just don’t know what else to do and you must protect yourselves and the clean members of your families. I have found no value in the advice “you just have to let them hit bottom”. If they are using they have hit bottom! Somehow, someway, you have to find that delicate balance between loving them unconditionally, having empathy and compassion for them for they are still human beings, and not enabling them. I cannot tell you how to do that. I pray about it and I pray for strength and I continue to try to educate myself. And I continue to seek help for her. I will pray for you, too. |
| Name: | Roxxy |
| E-mail address: | punkandgrunge@gmx.de |
| You are from: | Germany, NRW |
| Comments: | A friend of mine is taking drugs...i take chemical drugs, too, but i've never taken some kind of Heroin or other opiats...my friend is on methadon program cause he wants to quit taking schore ( street heroin). I dont know if he has a chance, i hope so, but who has a chance when you live without home, without familiy, without ''true'' friends? a lot of people here are taking drugs....after I've read parts of this page I think about to quit it...and i want to tell it to my friends. i dont know if it is as easy as i want it to be, but we should trie it....
pray for you PS: sorry for my bad english, i'm german and not really good in speaking english... |
| Name: | Roxxy |
| E-mail address: | punkandgrunge@gmx.de |
| You are from: | Germany, NRW |
| Comments: | A friend of mine is taking drugs...i take chemical drugs, too, but i've never taken some kind of Heroin or other opiats...my friend is on methadon program cause he wants to quit taking schore ( street heroin). I dont know if he has a chance, i hope so, but who has a chance when you live without home, without familiy, without ''true'' friends? a lot of people here are taking drugs....after I've read parts of this page I think about to quit it...and i want to tell it to my friends. i dont know if it is as easy as i want it to be, but we should trie it....
pray for you PS: sorry for my bad english, i'm german and not really good in speaking english... |
| Name: | brandie lussier |
| E-mail address: | candienangel223@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | norco calif |
| Comments: | i am sighning this book in hopes that it will help any chil ,mother ,son ,father sister ,or brother in any way deal with any kind of dependancy especialy those dependant on heroin!
|
| Name: | Too ashamed of myself to say |
| E-mail address: | can't tell you that either |
| Comments: | I'm sorry.
I have been an addict for many years. Not to heroin but to prescription pain medication.I have been using opiates for a very long time. I don't think I will ever be free. I will pray for you and your family. |
| Name: | Tee |
| E-mail address: | msbeast28@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | VA |
| Comments: | As I sit here reading all these posts, my heart goe out to all of you. I am in love with an addict. He has been in my life for 16 years, and he tried to hide it from me. We have not been in a relationship for sometime, but he will always have my heart. He finally told me that he as using. I had no idea what he was going through. Whenever I saw him, he seem normal, but that was just because he was never using around me. He is now serving 10 years in prison, and is fighting to get his life back. He is in a program that they have at the prison and is truly taking it one day at a time. I'm just so scared that he will start using again when he gets paroled, because of some events that have happened since he has been in prison. Please continue to pray for him and to all that are out there, PLEASE GET HELP!!!! Just believe in GOD and you can beat your addiction. |
| Name: | Sarah |
| E-mail address: | skks112@aol.com |
| You are from: | New York |
| Comments: | I found my sister on the bathroom floor tonight blue and barely breathing. They arrested her for heroin posession but she was released within hours and now she is home in her bed. My mother is lying next to her "just in case". Its almost 5 in the morning and I cannot sleep. So afraid of what i might wake up too. I thought she was dead when I saw her lying there and i dont know if i will ever get that vision out of my head. I am 24 years old, trying to make a good life for myself. My sister is only 21 and has her whole life ahead of her but im afraid that she will lose that life. I am trying to "BE POSITIVE" and hope that she will find her way to recovery but after tonight i cant help but prepare myself for the day i open that door and its too late. The pain I feel inside is unbearable, unexpainable. After reading this site i see i am not alone in the battle with this evil, evil drug. She will go to rehab again tomarrow but insurance wont pay for more than 2 weeks. How messed up is that system? I am trying to find a treatment center where she can go away for along time without bankrupting my family. If anyone has any advice for me on how i can find such a thing or advice on how to sleep at night when ur afraid to wake up to your worst nightmare, i would appreciate it. Please pray for baby sister. I know she wants to stop its just that she doesnt see the strength that is inside each and every addict. |
| Name: | Heather |
| E-mail address: | heather_hilts@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Ottawa |
| Comments: | My daughter was a heroin addict for 3 years, starting at the age of 14. she was homeless and was a prostitute to support her habit. She has now been home for a year and 9 weeks. She is on the methadone program and that saved her life. She was in 4 residential programs and they did not work for her. A message for the families of addicts. Don't enable them but NEVER give up and always let you know that you love them and that you are there if they want help. They need to know they have a warm place that is safe and that will assist them in getting help. Thanks again Walt for everything,,,I still read the letters on your site and probably always will. This web site got me through and feels like home.
Heather |
| Name: | Wendy |
| E-mail address: | davewen@fidnet.com |
| You are from: | near St. Louis |
| Comments: | My neice Nicole is 23 and a heroin addict. She's died twice and been revived at the ER. Yet she continues to use.
I need help understanding. Is the physical addiction and the pain of detox the only things that keep her from quitting? She says she wants to quit, but I think she just wants to want to, for our sake. I don't think she wants to quit heroin anymore than she wants to quit breathing. I'm not sure if this is accurate, but I think, among her friends, she's proud of her habit. I think it gives her status. All the songs on the radio are about kids whose parents divorced, fathers abandoned them, screwed up childhoods. I think its possible that Nicole wears her addiction as a badge of honor to say "See how screwed up I am". Do any of you reading this know if other addicts, young addicts, feel that way? I love her with all of my heart and the only reason I'm asking is, if this is a reason she's hanging on to heroin, then maybe this is something we can work with. Because nothing else seems to matter. |
| Name: | Brenda |
| E-mail address: | bhood@mtco.com |
| You are from: | Illinois |
| Comments: | I dont know what to do. My brother is 33 years of age. No job, homeless, drug problem, and currently in jail for beating up his girlfriend. I love him very much but we have all tried to help him but to no avail he doesnt see any thing as a problem. My father just currently passed away and he was living with him. My father was far in debt and we had to sell his house. We told my brother to let us know what he wanted to do with his life and he said that he could move down to florida and get a job and he would be fine. We gave him the money to start his life but he just lost it and beat up his girlfriend and is currently sitting in jail.He told his girlfriend that we disowned him. We just want him to get his life on track.
We asked him to go in for his drug problem but he denies that he has a problem. So we told him that there was nothing else that we could do for him. It is tearing us a part. We know that there is nothing that we can do. Are we doing the right thing? Thank you for your time. |
| Name: | Joseph |
| E-mail address: | Jfern82@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Chicago |
| Comments: | I am a heroin user and after reading this I think twice about using again but I have no choice but to use |
| Name: | rob scott |
| E-mail address: | scobbyrott@netscape.net |
| You are from: | saint charles, mo |
| Comments: |
just wanted you to know i think of all of you often. nobody should have to go through what you have. your strength inspires me. tell harley i said hi and much love to the two of you. |
| Name: | Lori |
| E-mail address: | lorijennett@sbcglobal.net |
| You are from: | Ct. |
| Comments: | I am so sorry about your son. I pray to god my son finds himself, this web site made me very scared. I am scared of losing him. His dad died of a heart attack 15 years ago at the age of 28, I cannot handle losing my son too. I HATE HERION SOMEONE NEEDS TO FIND A BETTER WAY TO HELP THESE PEOPLE. I WILL DO ANYTHING IN MY POWER TO HELP. |
| Name: | amy |
| E-mail address: | sclarkmolly@msn.com |
| You are from: | pittsburgh |
| Comments: | my son lost his daddy march 28, 2005 he commit suicide because of his herion addiction. His family and i are all struggling with the many un answered questions. We loved him very much but it seems that we could not have helped him. He was a man with a heart of gold and herion took him to the darkest places. I only wish that he is at peace now. We will all miss him very much. |
| Name: | Brad Petritsch |
| E-mail address: | b-rad-p@adelphia.net |
| You are from: | Oakland, ME |
| Comments: | My 25 year old son, Bradley Christopher Petritsch died from heroin overdose Feb 14, 2005. He had a great job, many friends and a family that loved and continue to love him. I only wish that I would have acted on my gut feelings about the emotional and physical pain that I sensed he was experiencing. If I had, perhaps those of us who loved him most, would have been spared from the agony and grief that resulted from my "baby boy" leaving this world far too soon.
May your spirt live in peace forever, Petch...I love you! Dad |
| Name: | diana |
| E-mail address: | babydoll256_us@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Pennsylvania |
| Comments: | thank you for your website. It brings me to tears to hear other peoples stories. i am a recovering heroin addict. Every day is still a struggle for me but i realized i can face life without the heroin. Thank you so much |
| Name: | meagan |
| E-mail address: | megndel420@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | ohio |
| Comments: | thank you for this website, i am so sorry for the lose of your son. my boyfriend is currently in a rehab program and was a heroin addict for the last year. i knew something was going on but i have never been around drugs or knew anyone that was, you dreambook really made me feel better about my situation just knowing that so many people struggle through his struggle. i think the hardest thing to except was not the lies or the hurtful actions but the fact that he would do something to himself that i looked at as so horrible that only people with nothing to live for did. this website in general has helped me open my eyes and realize that is a mistake that many people do and get sucked into. thank you |
| Name: | Ellie |
| E-mail address: | Girl4god_4life@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Idaho |
| Comments: | Your sons story touched me so greatly as did all these stories in this dreambook. I am a recovering addict, I have over a year sobriety, I turned my life over to GOD, that is why I am here today, to say it is possible to leave that life behind. I have a brand new life now, FREEDOM from addiction. It is possible to have complete recovery from what you have been addicted to. Now that does not mean you can go back out and use. Just remember God can free you from the prison you find yourself in, just let it go, give it freely and he will take it from you. Just remember it does take hard work but it is possible God bless all of you reading this I hope you find the right path to take, and step out of the cycle you find yourself in |
| Name: | Carol Michael's Mom |
| E-mail address: | heygiff@acninc.net |
| You are from: | Minneapolis |
| Comments: | Walt, God be with you in your time of grief. You have done so much since you lost your son, now this sorrow and loss is more than anyone should have to live with. Know that you are in my prayers and thoughts. Please keep in touch. You are not alone |
| Name: | Jo |
| You are from: | England |
| Comments: | I have been touched, although living with a heroin addcit for 7 years it still made me cry. I have tried soft love and tough love and neither have worked. I just wait for the knock on the door, because I know it will come. I have tried, I have educated myself but it makes no difference. Thankyou for this web site so people know they are not out there alone. Heroin addiction is a terrible secret to keep and this site gives people the strength not to have to be burdoned by the lie their loved ones live. |
| Name: | ev |
| E-mail address: | babeillusion@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | oxnard ca |
| Comments: | i have a brother he is 26 and has a daughter named adrianna sky. he is a drug addict and has been for as long as i know he and his girl dennis are home less my niece stays at home with me and has been for 2 months. when he calls i get mad at him because it looks like he wants so much but he puts him self out on a limb denise is very bad she has gotten sick over the time she has holes in her arms or something like that she is very fragile and i am afraid of my niee loosing her mother i dont know what to do i love him i wish i could help:(
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| Name: | Phillip Talarico |
| E-mail address: | ptalar@adelphia.net |
| You are from: | San Dimas, CA |
| Comments: | Walt,
I am sorry for the agony you went through with your son. I saw your post on the Addiction Recovery Guide and I was very upset to see your post. My son David died of a Heroin Overdose on August 11, 2004 at 21 years of age. I am still healing and I don't think I will ever entirely heal. God Bless, Phil |
| Name: | Katherine |
| E-mail address: | trujillokt6@aol.com |
| You are from: | New Mexico |
| Comments: | I shared this site with my 25 year old daughter who is a heroin addict and almost died several times.
She cried her heart out. She wants to stop but cant. Help is scarce. This has been a cycle for more than eight years. I know that her first try was at thirteen years old. She was in emotional distress over my divorce, and worse was the fact that we were separated because her dad got custody of her and her sister and I had her other two sisters. Her dad was a bitter man and is still. I know she needed to find comfort somehow. I have already come to realize that I must be ready to see her funeral. I know so well about what those pictures were about and my heart breaks for you. Thank you for sharing the life of that precious man and son and grandson and brother and so much more. Thank you so much for helping and making his life count as time goes on. Tears............ He has a purpose in life as everyone does. He has touched my soul forever. Katherine |
| Name: | Jackie |
| E-mail address: | ericjay22@frontiernet.net |
| You are from: | West Virginia |
| Comments: | God bless. I am sorry for your loss. |
| Name: | Jim |
| You are from: | Germany |
| Comments: | To Walt:
Ya know... dunno how to put it. Reading about you is sort of painful for me as I have lost so many friends, dear friends to this goddamn addicion. And reading about your parents pain doesn´t make it easier, cause I was one of them and I was just lucky to survive. I often feel guilty for not having been wiser. For not being able to help. For being the one who was able to get out of all this, not deserving it more than any of you did... I´m sorry. Take care. please You have great parents. |
| Name: | Carol Michael's Mom |
| E-mail address: | heygiff@acninc.net |
| You are from: | minneapolis |
| Comments: | Walt, I find that as the days continue the hurt and pain never truly stops. Our paths have crossed because we both lost our sons to the demon called heroin. It had such a strong hold on them. They were talented, good kids who just could not beat it. We are what is left of our children. The sorrow and hurt continues but I know for fact that you are as proud of Walt as I am of Michael. They were our children. They were sick. Thanks for being there for us. |
| Name: | Jennifer |
| E-mail address: | XJENN1436X@AOL.COM |
| You are from: | SAUGUS MA |
| Comments: | I REALLY AM TOUCHED BY THIS WEB PAGE AND IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO TURN YOUR HURT AND PAIN INTO SOMETHING SO GOOD FOR THE YOUNG PEOPLE TO LOOK AT I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH THIS PROBLEM ALL MY LIFE WITH MY FATHER HE DIDNT CLEAN UP TILL HE WAS IN HIS 40'S AND MY SISTER SHE DIDNT SMARTIN UP TILL SHE WAS 27 AND SHES 28 NOW WITH A BABY AND SHES CLEAN THANK GOD AND MY BOYFRIEND THAT I LOVE AND WANT TO MARRY HAS A PROBLEM HES 23 AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON AND I WAS NIEVE AND STUPID HE WENT AWAY FOR 3MONTHS AND CLEANED UP HIS ACT AND NOW HE WILL SOON BE GOING TO MEETINGS WITH ME EVERYDAY I THINK AS LONG AS THEY HAVE SOMEONE BY THEA SIDE ITS SO MUCH EASIER BUT FOR THEM TO KNOW THEY HAVE A PROBLEM THEY HAVE TO LOSE EVERYTHING AND HIT ROCK BOTTOM IM SO SORRY FOR YOU LOSING YOUR YOUNG SON AND A MESSAGE TO THE WORD STAY IN SCHOOL AND AWAY FROM THE DRUGS BECAUSE YOU WILL REGREAT AND THROU AWAY GOOD TALLENT AND HURT EVERYONE AROUND YOU ITS KILLING THE WORLD AND SPREADING AIDS AND CAUSING SO MUCH PAIN I LOBE AND RESPECT EVERYONG WHO CAN OPEN THEA EYES AND SEE REALITY AND TO COME OUT OF THE COMA OF KNUMB-NISS AND SEE THE LIGHT AND YOUR FUTURE. |
| Name: | Robin |
| E-mail address: | rgood@uwalumni.com |
| You are from: | Madison, Wisconsin |
| Comments: | I am so touched by this site. My nephew died this summer. We don't know yet what it was... An overdose of heroin, or barbituates combined with alcohol. His story so resembles yours. He had just turned 29. He was strong, loving and sweet. He didn't have any solid direction... pizza delivery, cab driver, short order cook. But he was a sensitive soul. I miss him something awful. I am so happy you found something positive to do with your pain. I hope I find something someday. Still in so much pain.
Thanks for the site. |
| Name: | Candy Anne Foss |
| E-mail address: | RobinandCandy@cwgsy.net |
| You are from: | Guernsey, Channel Islands |
| Comments: | I just wanted to say that I was deeply moved after reading about your son. Once Heroin takes it hold then unfortunately for some, there is no going back.
My brother who is now 32 (don't ask me how on earth he got to be this age,) is currently serving a long sentence in our local prison. He has a conviction now for Heroin importation. The reason he decided to import was because he was told that he would definitely have his next 'fix' out of the dirty smack that was being imported. His job was to pick the drug up from its' drop off point and take it to the main dealer. The drug never got as far as the main dealer thank God. I have to say that I am glad my brother got arrested because the 'H' would definitely have killed him. His partner was also a Heroin addict and she too was arrested and sent to prison. They have a little girl who was 2 at the time. She came to live with my family. She is such an amazing little girl and has seen more than most people because of her parents addiction. I am still looking after my niece and she is now 4.5. I potty trained her, took her for her first day at school, you know, all the milestones in a childs life. My brother and his partner are missing out on this little girls life due to their addiction. My brother has o/d'd on a number of times. He has lost most of his veins and hit arteries and God knows what else. He has been hospitalised and was even clinically dead for a few minutes. All this for Heroin. We don't know what the future holds because I know for a fact that he still craves for the drug and I am pretty sure that he has used Heroin in prison too. He is due out of prison on Parole in May 2005. This will be his 2nd chance of Parole as he messed up the first one due to Heroin. Unreal eh! Anyway, if anybody is interested, I will let you know the outcome next year. Luckily, he will be given yet another chance unlike Walt. |
| Name: | Michael |
| Homepage URL: | http://www.gayalcoholics.com/aa-meetings.html |
| You are from: | USA |
| Comments: | My heart goes out to you in your loss. My God richly bless you and your efforts to reach out and help others! |
| Name: | Nicole |
| E-mail address: | bdbrowning@publicnetworking.org |
| You are from: | Kansas |
| Comments: | I have been searching for a support group of any kind to talk to. The night before Halloween, my brother, who I later found out has been a heroin addict for some time, took crack for the first time, took a drink for the first time in nine years (he is a recovering alcoholic) and, with the intent to rob people for more money for drugs, fired a gun, killed one man and took one hostage. He is now in jail awaiting whatever happens next. He has three kids, ages 11, 6 and 4 whose lives are now changed forever. Our family is devastated and don't know what to do. I am just trying to find out more about heroin addicts and what goes through their minds when they first push that needle into their arms for the first time. I do not understand. My brother sounds so much like a lot of the people written about on this website, i.e. starting abusing alcohol in teens, started getting hooked on prescription drugs and so on. The pain he has caused is still so new. I am hoping that something good can come out of this. The only thing that has kept all of us going is that we have faith that God will take care of him and us and the family of the person he murdered. Thank you for this website. |
| Name: | Carol Burns |
| E-mail address: | Cburns5@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Cincinnati, OH |
| Comments: | My daughter is a heroin addict with two chilren, ages 3 1/2 and 4 months old. She overdosed three weeks ago, I fought to get her into detox and she is not in an Intensive Outpatient Program and AA and will soon be going to a residential house where she can take her children with her. I pray everday that this works and try to take it one day at a time. But she had been using for almost two years and had a $150. day habit. Both she and her husband (they are now split up, hopefully for good) She may lose her oldest child to her father. And I'm still not sure that all she has done has really sunk in. I didn't know the signs and warnings so was blind to what was happening. I now blame myself. But I thank God that she is alive. Luckily she was here and my husband found her when she overdosed. I am sorry to hear about your loss and think more laws should be passed. |
| Name: | Heather Book |
| E-mail address: | antiques4me44857@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Norwalk Ohio |
| Comments: | My heart goes out to you and your family. I found you link on the page my cousin Marci Davies has done for her brother who also was lost to heroin. WWW.ForPetesSake.org God Bless you and comfort you as you help others. |
| Name: | Chrissy H. |
| E-mail address: | accdsh@charter.net |
| Homepage URL: | http://http://groups.msn.com/RECOVERYROOMGROUP/chat.msnw |
| You are from: | wisconsin |
| Comments: | Thank you so much for this site you are really doing a awsome thing for people in recovery.... thanks love and service Chrissy
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| Name: | Denise Meyers |
| E-mail address: | dee0368@enter.net |
| You are from: | Easton, PA |
| Comments: | I lost my brother John on May 31st 2004 to a Heroin Overdose.. He was not a Heroin User and he could have been using for the first time. He is now dead. He had 3 beautiful children and 4 Brothers&Sisters who miss him dearly.. He was a good guy and worked hard everyday. Please pray for my family that somehow we find peace and forgiveness.. We are so sad and hurt.. we miss him..
3 Sisters for Ones Brothers Justice,DDD If there are any children or adults out there reading this and you might one day think about using this drug, remember the first time can kill you.. Never forget....JFH |
| Name: | michael sweetman |
| E-mail address: | centexstar_sweetman@verizon.net |
| You are from: | texas |
| Comments: | recovered addict...8 years.....thanks |
| Name: | Carol Michael's mom |
| E-mail address: | heygiff@acninc.net |
| You are from: | Cincy/Minneapolis |
| Comments: | Walt, thanks again for being there for us. I read these stories and they never stop. Our kids keep dying and using drugs. I cannot believe that so many of our young kids are doing such horrible drugs. Our kids come from educated background and families of means. They are not only the kids in the inner city or those of unemployed parents. They are our everyday kids with loving and caring parents. I miss my Michael every day. My hugs and smiles to all of you |
| Name: | Sharon from Indiana |
| E-mail address: | Sharonc031@aol.com |
| You are from: | Northwest Indiana |
| Comments: | I just visited your website and like the others I've visited I feel sadness. I have twins that are turning 21 in a couple of days. I don't know how they made it this far with what's been going. THey are both addicted to H. and have been for about a yr. a half. Too much detail to go into right now. THe statistics don't look good for them to survive. I'm petrified and obsessed at the same time with trying to find help. THey're trying methadone again. Pray for us. Someone give me advice please. thanks, Sharon |
| Name: | Marcia Rinner |
| E-mail address: | marcia_rinner@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Norwalk,Ohio |
| Comments: | Thank you so very much for doing this website to help others. I also lost my son on 3/1/99 to heroin- it never stops. I pray that your website will reach the folks that it can help the most. My daughter, Marci Davies sent this link to me and I thank her for that. Just knowing that we are not alone in our suffering and sadness does make it a little bit easier. I wish that I had a million dollars to donate to your 89 acres.God Bless you and your family. |
| Name: | Andrea |
| E-mail address: | Laideebuggg@aol.com |
| You are from: | oklahoma |
| Comments: | To the Parents of the lost children:
From a lost child: I have been reading your stories posted here and I am so sorry for the loss of your loved one to Heroin. It seems these things only bring about questions. I read over and over again the words "tough love" and "one dealer at a time". I hope I might be able to give you the answers you are searching for. I am a Heroin junkie of 10 years. My Mother was, the best a drug addict could ask for. She read books, went to doctors, educated herself on addiction with a loving vengeance. She tried everything to help me, and I mean everything!! But in the end it wasn't I who died, but her. I put my darling Mother through a living hell, and finally her heart gave out. I have done every despicable thing to my folks with no remorse at the time. I have examined my childhood to try to figure out why I am a addict, and what I know now is that, "what makes one kid turn to drugs doesn't make another". All major crimes against children don't have to produce an addict. And a happy, loving home life with no problems at all will produce a lying, stealing, angry drug addict. So forget trying to pin down what caused some one to become an addict. I now believe its a trial some are given to bear. I know right now you need to blame somebody for this. Okay, lets try the dealers. Most Heroin dealers (and I've known lots and lots) are some mothers lost child too! 99% of them had to take up dealing to support the rising cost of thier habit. Also every Heroin Addict I have know has sold (or given for free)to another addicted friend!Okay lets blame thier so-called Friends: One standard remains there are certain people on this earth that even at the threat of bodily harm could not put a needle in thier arm, your addict was not one of those people, hence they could have not been pressured by a friend. Next my favorite person my Mom loved to blame for my drug use, HERSELF: This is more painful to me than anything in my dreadful life has ever been! How could my dear mommy, who loved me unconditionally, ever possibly think that she had any part in my addiction. One thing comes to mind, ME, blaming works both ways you see. My mom made some bad mistakes, real bad mistakes when I was being raised. But there was absolutely nothing she could have done or not done to or for me that could have prevented me from becoming an addict. She did not dictate the outcome of me.Last person to blame: ME. Now were getting somewhere. I truly believe my decisions have impacted my life the most. And I have searched for my own answers along time. Some of those answers lie in genetics other in fate and destiny. After 10 years I don't ask why? God Why? anymore. I try to deal with this condition as a terminal illness. I have tried over 14 different re-habs and even prison. I am not a 12-stepper, because I still hold on to my power, NEVER RELINQUISH YOUR POWER OVER ANYTHING, saying you are powerless, makes you powerless! Don't give up and admit defeat. Living as a Heroin addict is a death sentence, but I have survived this long by learning to live with my condition. And as a mother too, I will always want my child safe, even if that means being there when she is shooting up in the bathroom, just so I know if she needs me I'll be there to save her life. Not enabling but watching over like a guardian angel, helping though the rough times, cause I know that they didn't ask to be junkie. Tough and Love don't belong together. Love is Kind, Patient, Gentle, Forgiving, Forever and Free! and by no means Tough! Life is Tough and Shit is Tough. And if you use Tough Love you better have one hell of a Tough kid. Tough Love equals Death. In closing I pray that you stop right now and first of all forgive yourself, you know now that you must forgive the Addict that has brought you this far. Stop blaming and looking for a cure, and start learning to live with this, and tell your addict to respect that dope, cause if they OD they probaly won't live to get high ever again (and a junkie always wants to get high again). I am so glad you read this far, as long as I'm here, I'm here to help others, maybe it will help me. You can e-mail me if you have a reply. I would like to mention that I think Ibogaine might be worth the reasearch. Look it up! |
| Name: | Carol |
| E-mail address: | caroldigi@comcast.net |
| You are from: | Massachusetts |
| Comments: | To Walts family,
I admire your courage and strength. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. A parent living their worst nightmare is an experience no parent deserves. But, most importantly, the nightmare of heroin addiction is seemingly worse. I watched my two sons struggle through this sad and devastating disease. My oldest boy, age 27 was 15 days sober when he found his younger brother, age 23 dead on the bedroom floor. My son Michael tried to recover from the demon af addiction. He was in and out of rehab. But, was never able to surrender to the harsh demon that was within him. He was loved by all. Heroin doesn't descriminate. I have seen this drug kill too many. My children grew up in an affluent suburban community in Massachusetts. How did this happen? My son Michael was sober the month before he died. He loved so much of his life. He called old friends, came to see me, called daily, told me he loved me all the time. I cherish that last month I had with him. Then once again the relentless demon re-entered his life. I sat next to my son and held his cold lifeless body in my arms on May 15,2004. I miss him terribly and pray to God for all the people struggling with this terrible disease of addiction to find strength and to surrender. God bless you Walt. |
| Name: | Heather |
| E-mail address: | heather_hilts@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Canada |
| Comments: | I wrote a while ago and continue to go to Walts web site. My daughter is a heroin addict and was on the streets on and off for 2 years. After 4 rehab's and many struggles and illnesses , she is now home and has been for a month. She is a wonderful 17 year old girl. She has now started the methadone program which may have just saved her life. She is doing great and hopefully this enables her to lead a normal life. Don't ever give up |
| Name: | Pat |
| E-mail address: | pharper@citlink.net |
| You are from: | New York |
| Comments: | We have just found out that our son Luke is using heroin. In researching this scourge I came across your web site. Not only is Walt's story heart-wrenching, but so nearly identical to Luke's life up to now and the fact that those pictures of Walt & his sister could actually be pictures of Luke & his sister, I have been unable to stop looking at them and crying.
We are, I fear just at the beginning of our family's nightmare and sadly there are far more stories of loss than of success. I am so frightened! I have emailed Luke Walt's site in the hope that he will recognize himself in those pages. I find myself torn in two. On the one hand I am researching every possible way we can help Luke and at the same time trying to prepare myself for the real possibility that we won't be able to reach him and that he will come to the same end as your beloved Walt and so many others. I feel your pain and admire you for creating this wonderful tribute to your beautiful boy and weep for you because you ever had to do it. |
| Name: | Chris Brosovic |
| E-mail address: | cbrosovic@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Arlington, Texas |
| Comments: | My heart goes out to Walter Erik's family. I was in basic training with him. I recently found our basic traing year book and was reading things people had written in it when I came across a message he had left with his home address and number. I googled his name just to see if anything came up. We became friends after having ammo dump guard duty together. We used to sit around and tell wild stories about our lives before the military. Neither of us was very happy to be there. But we got through, and moved on. I hadn't thought about him or basic training in years. Today is the 4th of July, and I just wanted to remember my buddies from the military. I used to have a picture he drew me. I wish I still had it. He helped me make it through basic training. He was funny, a little reckless, and a good friend. It tears my heart out to read about what path his life took after basic training. I have been reading lists of soldiers killed in Iraq for months, looking for friends names. He wrote that I should look him up some day. I never dreamed I'd find this instead.
We were so young and crazy in those days. I went into the Army to escape the drugs and violence back home. He was the only person I could talk to about my past. We joked about the things we had done and told over exagerrated stories of our explotes. But mostly we just talked. I remember how we smuggled a Heavy Metal Magazine from the PX once and it was a treasure to have in basic. I still have it. I wish I had found that yearbook years ago. I wish I had had the chance to tell him thank you for being my friend. |
| Name: | laurel |
| E-mail address: | tommygirlsings@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Lumby, BC Canada |
| Comments: | I was searching anything on Herione although after reading everything I believe it is "the Killer Drug". My X-Husband died three years ago of a herione over dose. While being married to him for 13 years (4 kids later) he struggled with drugs and alcohol, but mostly drugs. From detox to recovery and back again. I left because of the kids. My two sons are heroine addicts. Thye also do Cocaine, but usually herione. My one son was in rehab for five months, but was kicked out because he drank for went drinking with his buddies ( some buddies) where are they now. He is homeless and messed up. My other son is also messed up and was spotted the other day down town Kelowna and I have been told that he needs intervention ASAP. I am not ready to give up I just can't and although I know it is out of my hand and in God's hands I feel I need to find them and get help. They can't even think for themselves. My one son has a nine month old boy, he is missing out and he doesn't have a clue. I am a very, very sad mother because I know the end result most likely will be death. I hate heroine it is evil: it kills, destroys, and ruins lives. I am sorry for all who have lost their children, my boys are 22 and 26, they have nothing in their lives right now, I can imagine how they feel. Please pray for them, it is in God's hands. My web site will be ready soon. |
| Name: | aurora santiago-vazquez |
| E-mail address: | nerijr8@netzero.net |
| You are from: | chicago, Illinois |
| Comments: | I don't even know how to start this, other than I am drowning in sorrow and paid. My 26 year old son is a herion addict and has been for the last 7-8 years. He has been in and out of prision for most of this time. He has a 10 month old daughter and everyday I fear the worst, that phone call. I have tried so many things to help him and contacted so many programs but the only time I feel some peace is when he is in jail, because I know he is off the heroin. I am so afraid of losing my son. I need to know what else I can do. Right now is totally out of control, stealing for his habit and always drugged. I have called his parole officer, but they don't care. Sometimes I feel that they are just waiting for him to die, just another junkie they don't have to deal with. I can't understand why the system would let him out on parole
knowing he has a drug problem, and wait a month and half before he can get an appt. for his drug counseling. In that period he went back to using. I am devasted with pain and hurt at this time, because I cannot get through to him. I would never wish this pain on any parent or anyone ever. I worked in a social service office with the city of chicago for many years. we worked with many addicts. It was even more hurtful to me that my co-workers looked down on me when they found out my son was on drugs and wanted no part of us. an office that was supposed to help people couldn't even have compassion for someone they knew. My family stays away from me and my son's own father wants no part of him. but I love him and I want to help him. thank you for listening and sharing. aurora |
| Name: | aurora santiago-vazquez |
| E-mail address: | nerijr8@netzero.net |
| You are from: | chicago, Illinois |
| Comments: | I don't even know how to start this, other than I am drowning in sorrow and paid. My 26 year old son is a herion addict and has been for the last 7-8 years. He has been in and out of prision for most of this time. He has a 10 month old daughter and everyday I fear the worst, that phone call. I have tried so many things to help him and contacted so many programs but the only time I feel some peace is when he is in jail, because I know he is off the heroin. I am so afraid of losing my son. I need to know what else I can do. Right now is totally out of control, stealing for his habit and always drugged. I have called his parole officer, but they don't care. Sometimes I feel that they are just waiting for him to die, just another junkie they don't have to deal with. I can't understand why the system would let him out on parole
knowing he has a drug problem, and wait a month and half before he can get an appt. for his drug counseling. In that period he went back to using. I am devasted with pain and hurt at this time, because I cannot get through to him. I would never wish this pain on any parent or anyone ever. I worked in a social service office with the city of chicago for many years. we worked with many addicts. It was even more hurtful to me that my co-workers looked down on me when they found out my son was on drugs and wanted no part of us. an office that was supposed to help people couldn't even have compassion for someone they knew. My family stays away from me and my son's own father wants no part of him. but I love him and I want to help him. thank you for listening and sharing. aurora |
| Name: | Carol Michael's mom |
| E-mail address: | heygiff@acninc.net |
| You are from: | Minneapolis |
| Comments: | I agree, if you have the addiction gene, which is definitely possible if we believe it is a disease, it is hard to kick the habit. The sad part is WHY are our kids and loved ones trying the hard junk to begin with. I am on a lot of sites because I lost my only child to heroin and the usage is running wild. Where have we gone wrong with our kids. My son's problems started before he ever took that first hit of pot or snorted that first cocaine and put that first needle in his arm. He would not admit he needed help and he was enabled by family to not work and continue to live the livestyle he was raised in. I am not sure what I could have done differently but I know that I have the rest of my life to wonder what happened to that beautiful, blonde haired, blue eyed baby in my life. |
| Name: | Sandi |
| E-mail address: | Sandi@trophyhomes.com |
| You are from: | Springville, Utah |
| Comments: | We lost our 19-year-old son, Robby, on 4/16/01 to an overdose of Heroin and Cocaine, after battling this illness called addiction for 3 years. I have another son who is 24 and in early recovery. Contrary to what one of your earlier posters on this site said, it is not entirely their fault. If you have the addiction gene and you try drugs, you are hooked and it's VERY difficult to remain clean. How many young people make wrong choices in their life? Rob had been clean 7 months and one tiny relaspe cost his life. He tried so hard and did not want to be like this. There is not enough affordable treatment available for addicts even when they want help! The stigma attached to this disease is due to the lack of true education. I pray the previous poster never goes through this horrific pain. I also pray God grants you some comfort and peace. I can see that you love your son so much. You must miss him terribly. This is a grief like no other. God bless you. |
| Name: | jennifer |
| Comments: | I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THIS DURRING MY ADDICTION |
| Name: | tom |
| E-mail address: | tomgent62@hotmail.com |
| Comments: | I am a parent of a 16 year old son who is an addict. my wife and I have been struggeling with parental intervention for the past several months searching his room and keeping under our eyes. I hope and pray that we may still save our son from dying from drugs, I suppose only time will tell. he is a minor now so we have a certain amount of control on him, but what concerns me is when he comes into his majority and leaves home. thank you for listening. |
| Name: | Sandi |
| E-mail address: | d.seifert@juno.com |
| You are from: | Sacramento,Ca. |
| Comments: | This is my first time writing about my brother, Rick. He was found in the restroom of a steakhouse in Portland, Oregon, dead fron a heroine overdose on April 1st of this year. Rick had been along term addict. For years he stayed alive. In and out of jail. Living with different family members who would do their best to try to "save him" . We all tried but in the end Rick just OD'd. We thought he would beat the dope.
If you are a heroin user - PLEASE GET HELP - Please allow those people close to you to help you , to love you. Please know that you are so much more valuable than just getting high, or staying well. Please know that each time you choose to use...it may be your last. Then all the people that love you will have to continue each day of their lives without you. Trying to understand why this happened and how it happened, just like I am now. I love my brother Rick. He was 38 years old and has 2 children. There is so much to say and yet nothing that can be said. There will forever be a hole in my heart that was only filled by my precious baby brother Rick. |
| Name: | Carol Michael's mom |
| E-mail address: | heygiff@acninc.net |
| You are from: | Minneapolis |
| Comments: | Hello again. Been a while since I signed the book and talked with you. It has been over a year since my son took that fatal fix. It does not get any easier. I think I just learn to live with it. Some days better than others. Want to let the users know that there is help and loved ones who care for you. If you have lost a loved one, we find comfort in knowing that they are now in the hands of God. Keep up the challange to keep our kids clean and sober. Hugs and smiles, |
| Name: | GARY MCAUSLAN |
| E-mail address: | gazzamac01@curlest.com |
| Homepage URL: | http://www.wewillwin |
| You are from: | GLASGOW |
| Comments: | WELL WHAT CAN WE OR I SAY),,I HAVE JUST CAME OUT OF A COMA
AFTER ABOUT 4 YEARS SPENT MOST OF THEM INSIDE. AND THATS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN (BAR-L-// STARTED OFF AS A PAIN KILLER BECAUSE I DONT LIKE SCREWS BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY DID TO MY BRO, AND DUE TO THAT HE ENDED UP IN CARSTAIRS BECAUSE THEY WOULD JAG HIM WITH THE DEPO A.K.A THE LIQUID COSH. SO I REBELLED AGAINST THEM AND TOOK SOME BEATINGS DUE TO THIS AND HEROIN EASED THE PAIN(THEN),, ME NOW CLEAN AS A WHISTLE JUST WISH MY BRO HAD A 2nd CHANCE BECAUSE WE ALL DESERVE IT LEPOERD,S DO CHANGE SO WE CAN ALL CHANGE(THANKS) |
| Name: | JB GOOF |
| E-mail address: | WWW.JERE.MT.COM |
| You are from: | MALTA |
| Comments: | I AM A HEROIN ADDICT AND HAVE BEEN FOR SEVEN YEARS AND TO BE HONEST ITS HARD TO GET OUT AND ONCE A FRIEND OF MINE WHOM HAS BEEN USING FOR FIFTEEN YEARS SAID TO ME `NEVER TRUST A JUNKEY` AND BELEVE ME THAT IS TRUE HEROIN IS A STRONG CONTROLLER AND YOU CAN BEAT IT BUT THE ONLY THING IS TO DO SO IS TO LEAVE WHERE YOU ARE AND GO SOMEWHERE YOU DONT KNOW JUNKIES AND A CLEAN ENVIROMENT BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST GOING TO LIE AND LIE AND LIE STEAL FROM ANYWHERE AND I MEAN ANY WHERE I KNOW ONE PERSON WHO TRASHED HIS MOTHERS HOUSE TO PRETEND THEY GOT ROBBED AND HIS MOM CAUGHT HIM IN THE ACT AND HE WAS GOING THROUGH SICKNESS [WITHDRAWLES] AND KILLED HER BOUGHT A LOT OF STUFF AND HID HIS MOM AND SPENT A WEEK HIGH AS A KITE THEN KILLED HIMSELF WITH A OD I HAVE SEEN A LOT OF STORYS IN MY LIFE AND I JUST WANT TO HELP I AM GOING TO OPEN A SITE NEXT YEAR CALLED SMACK YOURSELF IN THE FACE SO LOOKOUT AND I WILL GIVE YOU ALOT OF INFO |
| Name: | Heather |
| E-mail address: | heather_hilts@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Canada |
| Comments: | This is my second entry. My first one was months ago and my 16 year old daughter was doing well for she suffers from Heroin addiction. Since then she has left rehab to live on the streets and I have not heard from her for 6 weeks now. Every day is a struggle. It helps me to read the comments of other people on your web site. I know I'm not alone.
Thank You Heather |
| Name: | Sherry Kallab |
| E-mail address: | a710312722@cs.com |
| You are from: | California |
| Comments: | I too have a son almost 22 suffering from heroin addiction. I pray that somehow he will find his way out of this horrible addiction. I fear the same outcome you had with your son and I share your sorrow. Thank you for setting up this beautiful web-site. Just reading the guestbook helps me from feeling so alone. The 89acres Addiction Recovery Camp and Retreat sounds just beautiful. |
| Name: | ginger |
| E-mail address: | vbeck75234@aol.com |
| You are from: | sc |
| Comments: | this is still very diffucult. we have just learned of our sons heroin addiction. he is 22 years old. looking for any type of support or available help for him and our family. he has tried methadone treatment but has opted to wean himself after 21/2 months claiming that he can not "afford" it. thank you for being out there for those of us who are beginning a seemingly endless journey. i am very sorry to hear of your loss thank you for sharing your pain. i pray we do not have to feel it as closely..... |
| Name: | Ray Coffman |
| E-mail address: | rrc0622@yahoo.com |
| You are from: | Arkansas |
| Comments: | to grandma liz thank you |
| Name: | ray coffman |
| You are from: | arkansas |
| Comments: | I'm greatfull for you and your time for this site God bless you and all in NA |
| Name: | Hope |
| E-mail address: | hsm1999@charter.net |
| You are from: | Claysburg Pa |
| Comments: | I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I lost my bestfriend Jeannette 6-10-03 to heroin. She was my life long friend ever since I can remember she always been there. Growing up I had no sisters so I always called her my sister I never had. We were always there for eachother when we were younger crying to eachother over guys we thought we loved that broke our hearts but, as we got older our friendship grew even more. She was there when I got married standing beside me like I always knew she would be. The day my little girl was born she never left my side. So it was not long after that when I stated to see what was happening to her. First it was just pills and even when she would tell me that she was not doing anything else I knew better cause I could see a different in that bestfriend I knew all my life. Her battle with heroin only last almost 3 years. I can still remember the phone call at the moment I knew in my heart that she was gone. She was always there for me, so on the day she died I sat there and held her hand just like I know she would have done for. I sat there and said good-bye to my bestfriend. She left behind a mother a father a sister and 2 bothers and her pretty little girl that she loved so much and a friend that's going to love her for the rest of her life.
We love you Jeannette and we will never forget you. Everyday we see your face in our minds and your love in our hearts... I LOVE YOU!!!! |
| Name: | jenique chang |
| E-mail address: | jenique12@hotmail.com |
| You are from: | Allentown, PA |
| Comments: | my boyfriend is a heroin addict, and i am afraid for his life. God has Blessed us with him going to jail. he is in jail right now. he's been there for 4 months now...i am afraid that when he comes out, he'll be back to his regular addiction. I PRAY that this doesn't happen, and i BELIEVE that ONLY through GOD is it possible for him to get clean and stay clean. My faith is strong right now, and for our family (we have 2 kids) i Pray that all goes well. I really believe in him this time, he's been in jail 3 times now, and it's time that he finds the willpower to change his life, and be there for his family. he loves me, i know that, it just seems he loves heroin more. PLEASE PRAY FOR US....and we are BOTH strong believers in the Power of Jesus Christ. and through God...we can ALL change. I hope that our lives change, and i am also ready to accept that if he won't stop using, our family has to come to an end. it's been about 3 years since he's been using, and our children are 11 and 7, it's been long enough, and we have been through TOO much. i have found comfort in educating myself about his addiction. until recently, i didn't know too much about his addiction. i finally understand wha he is going through, and through educating myself, i am excited that when he gets out of jail this time, he'll shape up. once again, God Bless all of you..and please Pray for our family. THank you. |
| Name: | Carol Michael's mom |
| You are from: | Minnesota |
| Comments: | One year ago today, the body of my only child was found, decaying. That is what heroin/cocaine will do. Leave you lifeless and alone. My son lived a life of constantly fighting the demons that so controlled him. No one is strong enough to escape from this demon. That day my nightmare began and life will never be the same. He is now in the hands of God and at peace.
Sign Time: January 03 2004 at 10:29:37 |
| Name: | Joy |
| You are from: | Illinois |
| Comments: | My prayers are with you and your family. I am a recovering addict..the hell that a drug addict goes through is beyond words. My daughter is curently in the midst of a heroin addiction, through prayer God has put her in jail, possibly just long enough to slow her down...but each day she seems to be getting a little stronger. My heart breaks for all the fsamilies that have lost loved ones due to a drug addicition. Your site and Joe's Gramma site have helped me to look at addiction from the families view point, one that i now must face with my child. God bless you and your family, you are in my prayers.
Sign Time: January 02 2004 at 13:19:38 |
| Name: | Donna |
| You are from: | Rolling Meadows, IL |
| Comments: | I am so sorry to read about Walt. I am sitting here at your website and I am crying for your son and your loss. My 19-year old son, Nick, has been doing heroin for 2 1/2 years. He started smoking marijuana when he was 13. Nick has been to rehab twice along with counselling, anti-depressants, group therapy. I don't know what to do anymore and am starting to lose hope that he can have a normal life.
Sign Time: December 29 2003 at 15:05:58 |
| Name: | Elizabeth |
| Comments: | Merry Christmas in Heaven Erik. You are loved and missed by so many.I shared Christmas Eve at your parents. Your plate was set and you presence was felt. And I thank you and Joe for giving me a very special family to love and share the rest of my life with.If it had not been for the two of you I would be a very lonesome person.So Rest in peace youg man and God Bless.
Sign Time: December 25 2003 at 09:40:45 |
| Name: | Liz |
| You are from: | Oxnard, CA |
| Comments: | I too lost my 26 yr old son to heroin. And trust me, your son knew you loved him! And I find that my faith is the only real thing that has helped me.
Sign Time: December 17 2003 at 00:49:49 |
| Name: | Robert Thornton |
| You are from: | Camden, NJ |
| Comments: | I think you are taking the wrong approach. The problem isn't the drug dealer it's the drug users. If everyone selling heroin today fell off the face of the earth today, tomorrow they would be replaced person for person. If all the heroin users fell off the face of the earth today there would be no demand for heroin and thus the dealers would disappear. The problem is that people are being told they are not responsible for their actions.
Sign Time: December 08 2003 at 11:20:10 |
| Name: | RKA |
| You are from: | St. Louis, MO |
| Comments: | I am sitting here criyng for your loss and the pain that will never go away. My boyfriend is a heroin addict and is now in county jail. He will not get the help he needs in there since they have closed the choices program. He is 30 years old and looking at this man you would never know that he is an addict I know that if he does not kick this habit he won't live much longer. I don't know which is worse,living with the pain from loving and addict or living with the knowledge that he may not see 31. You have done a wonderful thing with 89 and my in laws and I would like to come. God now has your son, at least he is not suffering anymore. As for the people left behind it takes longer and the memories never leave you. Faith has allowed me to stand by my loved one and I hope my faith will save him. He has the faith as well he just doen't know what to do with it. I hope we can meet someday, God Bless you and your family.
Sign Time: November 09 2003 at 10:42:04 |
| Name: | karenlewis |
| You are from: | granbury texas |
| Comments: | I have a son who his a 18 year jail time but the drug dealer is still out . on bond becouse he had money and we didnt ,i dont understand life any more VERY SAD MOM
Sign Time: October 27 2003 at 15:35:38 |
| Name: | Jim C |
| You are from: | WI |
| Comments: | As a recovering Alcoholic with 12 years of sobriety, I see many "trying to recover" drug addicts. I am sorry for you loss and your story should be told in every rehab center
Sign Time: September 24 2003 at 05:45:19 |
| Name: | pam moore |
| You are from: | kansas city |
| Comments: | my brother died of a drug overdose he was working at a nursing home taking drugs. He had been on drugs for so long i tried to help him and now its too late. i feel so all alone and wish i could talk to him one more time. he lived with my mother and brother and he was 43 years old he had a masters degree in chemistry and was a very bright person. they found 3 different kinds of drugs in his body but he didn't realize that was the end.
Sign Time: September 07 2003 at 22:21:43 |
| Name: | Danielle |
| Homepage URL: | http://www.davidbrianjohnson.com |
| You are from: | ohio |
| Comments: | Hi, I have been here before , but felt the need to be here again. I am so sorry for your lose. Your son reminds me a lot of my brother who also died from a herion o.d He was 28 its been almost 1 and a half years and it has gotten a little better to where I dont cry everyday, but it never goes away all together. I know your son , is with my brother probably kicking back causing trouble!!!Take care, and God bless us all!!!
Sign Time: August 13 2003 at 09:30:18 |
| Name: | Talayah |
| You are from: | NYC |
| Comments: | I find such a sense of peace when i come to sites about heroin like this. Sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me from picking up that drug again. I want Walt's family to know that your son did not die in vain, and the message you send other addicts and other families of addicts is truly an act of courage and love. I can only imagine your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss, may your son rest in peace. One love.
Sign Time: July 25 2003 at 09:21:37 |
| Name: | Martha |
| You are from: | texas |
| Comments: | May your strength and your love for your son continue to spread the knowledge of the horrible drug"heroin". It will help to save many lives that wish to live.
Sign Time: July 10 2003 at 09:55:48 |
| Name: | marilyn |
| You are from: | Oregon |
| Comments: | Thank you for your site. I was looking for information on HEROIN.My husband left 7 weeks ago to go back out using heroin. My kids are devastated. We did not see this coming everything was going so good.I think he got bored. We have not heard a word from him in 7 weeks. He left everything behind except for the money. Which is by now gone. We just set and wait for a call or something.He is almost 50 and I thought he would grow out of his heroin use but I quess not..We are just looking for information so we can understand all this insanity..Thank You
Sign Time: June 24 2003 at 00:40:57 |
| Name: | Carol Michael's mom |
| You are from: | Minneapolis |
| Comments: | There are so many of us out there who lost our loved ones to the demon called heroin. I read this guestbook and others and it just never stops. We love, we cry, we miss and we still continue to know that they are at peace. We are the ones now living in misery. Wonder if that is not too strange. The ones we loved, tormented by drugs now at rest. Those of us who love them now it is our turn to be tormented by the loss. Gives us all something to think about. Michael, I miss you more and more everyday.
Sign Time: May 29 2003 at 15:59:21 |
| Name: | annmarie |
| Comments: | i find it very sad everytime i search and find sites like yours. it angers me all the people who suffer because of drugs. i lost my daughter to luekemia, i feel your pain. my brother is a heroin addict of ten years now. relapse after relapse, rehabs, detox, you name it he has done it. he made it three weeks this time. i get so angry at him, but then i think of my daughter. he is sick also. some say they ask for it, would anyone ask for that kind of pain? i think not, no it is definitely a sickness. if you look past the high you can see the pain in their eyes. it breaks my heart to know the wonderful person who is hidden behind his addiction, a person most will not get to know. i hurt for him, my mother, my kids, and yes myself. he is 33 now . i don't know what will become of him. i pray for all of you who are suffering the ultimate loss and for those who are still struggling. best wishes , annmarie
Sign Time: May 14 2003 at 18:43:57 |
| Name: | Fleet Rand |
| Comments: | As a recovering drug addict and alcoholic of 9 years I know the struggle your son and many others go through. My son has the same problem. Although he is clean, the power of the drug is many times overwhelming. I have therefore, dedicated my life to helping those afflicted with the disease of addiction. My heart goes out to you and all the families and individuals who struggle with addiction. Your work IS part of not only your recovery, Walt, but also solidifies the fact that you son did not live in vain. In his death he is helping others. God Bless you and your family.
Sign Time: April 20 2003 at 09:08:43 |
| Name: | Rayona |
| Comments: | My sincere sympathy to your family. I fully understand you pain and anguish. My adopted son died on October 26, 2002, from heroin. My life is in tatters as I'm sure yours is too. My prayers are with you and may God give Walt the peace that he was not able to have here on Earth. Sincerely, Rayona
Sign Time: April 10 2003 at 21:03:03 |
| Name: | Robert Benvenuti |
| Comments: | I am sorry to hear about your son. My Mike died on 3/5/03 probably of overdose but we haven't gotten confirmation from M.E. They say it takes 6 weeks. Let's say i know your pain. Mike was 22 and had everything to live for. I applaud your actions and what you're attempting. I don't even know if this law has a New York State version. If you contact people on any of your activities or want some assistance, please feel free to e-mail me. take care. peace, robert
Sign Time: April 09 2003 at 09:52:57 |
| Name: | Danielle |
| Comments: | Just wanted to say rest in peace Walt hopefully the party you are having now is way way better than wha people consider partying here. I know you are looking over your dad with joy because of the good he has made come out of the bad. My brother was a year younger than you so maybe you can kick him in the butt for me until I see him again. Herion is not just for junkies people who live normal lives, and love their family also fall into the trap. R.I.P Danielle
Sign Time: March 25 2003 at 11:22:30 |